A new grandfather turned to Reddit after he and his wife were banned from meeting their grandchild. Their daughter was adamant they didn’t meet, even if they apologized! Is it too late to make amends?
A Trip to Cancun
OP (Original Poster) and his wife were on a two-week vacation in Cancun, Mexico.
He wrote, “We’re from the US and planned all year for this trip and saved up money to be able to go on this trip.”
Not Part of the Plan
They planned and planned for this vacation. However, they didn’t consider their daughter getting pregnant as part of the plan!
OP mentioned, “We booked and paid before my daughter was pregnant.”
On their sixth day in Cancun, the couple received an unexpected call from their daughter’s boyfriend. He said she was already giving birth, and they had to get home on the next flight.
A Big Surprise
OP and his wife were surprised at the sudden development.
He wrote, “We were aware my daughter was soon to pop, but her due date wasn’t until the end of this month. Mind you; these events took place at the beginning of this month.”
Even so, the couple told him it was “impossible” and that they just needed to follow their birthing plan and keep them updated.
A Call From Their Daughter
A couple of hours later, their daughter called to update them about the situation. But instead of keeping it at that, she also asked them when they’d be returning.
OP’s daughter said she “really wanted them there” and was “scared.”
She’s a First-Time Mom
Because their daughter would be giving birth for the first time, it was understandable and expected that she would be scared. However, the couple still refused to go home.
He wrote, “My wife and I assured her everything would be fine, but we were unable to just pack up and go. She got upset and hung up on me.”
A Missed Call
Another couple of hours later, in the middle of the night, their phone rang, but they missed it as they were sound asleep. It turns out their daughter’s boyfriend called, saying there were complications and they needed to perform an emergency c-section.
A Furious New Mom
The following day, the couple immediately called them back, and they were faced with their daughter’s anger.
OP wrote, “Our daughter told us she was scared and things could’ve gone bad, and our Cancun trip was more important to us than her, then hung up. We tried to call back, but she wouldn’t answer.”
Even if things didn’t go according to plan, OP explained that they had always planned to be present during their grandchild’s birth. However, they couldn’t leave six days into a trip they’ve spent a “large amount of money on.”
There’s Nothing We Can Do
OP said that nothing would have gone differently if they had been there.
He wrote, “Even if we did, we wouldn’t make it back on time. Even if we did make it back, we couldn’t do anything the doctors couldn’t in the situation.”
Thankfully, their grandchild was born healthy, and their daughter was doing good, too. However, it was not the end of the issue.
OP said, “We have only seen pictures of our grandchild through Facebook because our daughter hasn’t let us see her and has barely spoken to us since we’ve been back home.”
She’s Too Harsh!
OP’s daughter was understandably upset, but OP is adamant they couldn’t have done anything to improve the situation.
So, he said that he felt like their daughter was being “too harsh” on them; they had even “apologized many of times.” OP shared, “Maybe I am the a**hole and should’ve flown back to see our first grandchild be born.”
What the Community Thinks
For Redditors, there was nothing OP and his wife could have done. Going back home unplanned was simply not feasible.
A top commenter wrote, “Not the a**hole. You can’t just rush home from another country, and if you had, same-day tickets would have been astronomical. I take it your daughter is mad, but it was a no-win situation. You planned the trip way ahead, and you could not just rush home because traveling from another country doesn’t work that way. Also, there are still Covid procedures in place, so chances are, the nurses would have sent you home.”
Another user said, “Jumping on my own comment to point a few other things out. This baby was born prematurely with a difficult birth. It’s very fragile health-wise and has nearly no immune system developed yet. OP and his wife had spent a week in a tourist town in a foreign country and would have taken a crowded plane there and back. Either one of those facts means that even if they had dropped everything, it would not have been safe to see the mother or baby for several days at the very least. It’s peak cold, flu, and Covid season. I wouldn’t let them near a medically fragile newborn for a few weeks. The daughter was recovering from fairly serious abdominal surgery. She shouldn’t have been exposed to any potential illnesses, either.”
Give Her Some Time
People noted that while they didn’t do anything wrong, they should still give their daughter time to adjust.
“Not the a**hole. Congratulations on the new addition! Clearly, your daughter is acting irrationally. Give it a couple of weeks. I imagine she will find forgiveness when sleep deprivation hits, fights with her husband start, and she needs your help,” wrote one man.
Communication Is Key
Some Redditors wanted to know how OP communicated with their daughter. As it was written, it seemed to the community that the post was biased toward OP and his wife.
This woman said, “I’m also wondering how OP was communicating with his daughter during this. Was it something like, ‘We’d love to be there for you, but we are in a different country, and we tried to get tickets, but we really can’t afford to spend the money to come back.’ Or was it, ‘Well, we’re on vacation. We spent the money on this; we can’t just cut it short to come back early’ in a ‘don’t be ridiculous’ tone of voice. Because money is a major barrier. In my family, if someone calls another for help, we know that if they aren’t coming, it’s because they really can’t come. They would have tried their best to make it work. I’m not sure OP even made a cursory attempt to see what it would take.”
Another person pointed out, “I think there’s a lot missed by OP in the impact of their non-action—and not even apparently pretending to try—to how daughter feels. The focus in the post itself doesn’t seem to recognize that the daughter is feeling real hurt. I mean, I would be hurt if I had emergency surgery while my parents were having a fun vacation, and they seemingly didn’t even bother to check their phones or keep notifications on when it was happening. That would fundamentally change our relationship, no matter how bad they said they felt later or apologized.”
Whose side are you on? Do you think OP and his wife should have gone on the first flight back?
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This post first appeared as A New Mom Banned Her Parents From Meeting Their Grandchild After They Missed Her Birth. They Didn’t Want to Cut Their Vacation Short, and Now They’re Facing the Consequences! on Quote Ambition.