She just wanted to take some time for herself to rest and relax, but her partner adamantly refused. The internet is furious and thinks it’s not worth staying in this kind of relationship!
A Couple’s Dynamics
OP (Original Poster) is a 32-year-old with a 37-year-old partner. They have been together for 12 years.
Her Partner’s Responsibilities
Per OP, her partner has two responsibilities in the house. He’s tasked to walk the dogs in the morning and then go to work.
She mentioned he works a full-time job in IT and typically works from eight in the morning till six in the evening. OP also shared that he’s usually asleep by eight in the evening.
Her Duties
In turn, OP cares for their children, aged two, four, and seven. She also shared, “I am fully responsible for their care, as well as every household duty, laundry, cooking, cleaning.”
However, though she’s a stay-at-home mom, she is still self-employed. So, after looking after the children all day, she takes a couple of hours a day to work on her laptop.
Celebrating Her Birthday
OP then mentioned that her birthday was coming up, and she asked her partner what he would think if she booked herself a week-long solo vacation for her birthday.
She added, “If he could use his PTO to take time off to look after and spend the week with our three children—taking them to school and taking care of the house.”
That’s a Selfish Thought!
Immediately, her partner thought it was selfish of her to even consider this and told her just that. In turn, OP asked, “It’s selfish to want to go on holiday for a week for my birthday?”
Sadly, he stuck to his initial decision and still told her it was.
“Spoiled” Partner
OP explained what her partner does at home, and it seems he’s been pretty spoiled by her.
She shared, “My partner hasn’t done a load of laundry in 10 years. He cooks dinner occasionally—two times a month. He doesn’t hoover, mop, or mow lawns.”
I Don’t Feel Appreciated
OP understands that her partner is tired because he works full-time, but she argues that she works, too. She doesn’t feel appreciated for what she does.
She Just Wants a Week to Herself
Being a stay-at-home mom while working and caring for the house is hard and draining, and OP has been doing it for years. Understandably, she wants a break.
She said, “I just want a week where I don’t have to placate a crying child, or stop the toddler from running into traffic, or worry about everyone else’s good time while sacrificing my own.”
Her Last Time Off
OP then shared that the last time she was away from the kids or their house was when she and her partner went out for his birthday. Even then, they waited until the kids fell asleep, and OP was also the one to find a babysitter.
Take the Kids!
The only other occasion she remembers was when she went to her pap smear appointment. Even then, she said her partner had tried to make her take the kids with her—even when he was at home with no work.
Her Independence
After years of holding down the fort, OP only wants a few days to herself. She said her vacation would even be paid entirely by her.
She also explained that her husband had lots of paid time off. OP shared, “He gets 28 days of PTO, not including bank holidays. Last year, he lost 12 PTO days because he didn’t take them.”
The Community’s Reactions
Apart from telling her she’s not the a**hole in this scenario, Redditors also told OP that their division of work in the household is considerably unbalanced, and all the work falls to her.
A woman said, “Of course, your husband refuses to let you take a holiday; he’d have to actually lift a finger to parent his own children if you did. Please, for your own sake, book that holiday and inform him you will be going. Perhaps if he had to do a fraction of everything you’d done for years, he’d finally see how unfair he’s been to you.”
Holiday or Couple’s Therapy?
Some Redditors were concerned about her well-being while she was in her current relationship.
A user commented, “I’m not sure you need a holiday as much as you need couples therapy, to be honest. This sounds like a hugely unfair setup, and no wonder you are feeling so burned out. He’s not pulling his weight at all here—sounds completely draining to be married to a partner who does so little and apparently is willing to do so little more. I think you need to address that underlying issue. You’re not the a**hole for wanting the holiday, but it’s a symptom of a much bigger problem.”
You Deserve Some Time Away!
Redditors also support OP’s decision to go on her trip. They tell her she deserved it!
One wrote, “There is nothing wrong about wanting time alone and being responsible for only yourself. In fact, it could be beneficial for everyone. When people burn out, it affects everyone around them. If your partner is adamant about a whole week, perhaps they’ll be amenable to a three-day weekend. I hope you get a much-needed break.”
What do you think of OP’s current state? What advice would you give her?
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This post first appeared as A Stay-At-Home Mom of Three Wanted to Go On Vacation on Her Own for a Week, but Her Partner Refused to Let Her Go and Called Her “Selfish” on Quote Ambition.
