80 Funny Mom Quotes to Lighten Up the Hard Days

Bring more laughter into your life through these top funny mom quotes.

Motherhood is undoubtedly complicated and exhausting. We lose our time for ourselves and our interests to raise our beloved children.

And, through all this, there will be days that we might even forget to laugh because of how tiring it is.

It can be challenging for our sanity to constantly tend to our child’s needs, so we’ve prepared this collection to inspire you!

These quotes are packed with relatable experiences full of humor that will make you laugh out loud. 

Start reading here.

And don’t forget to check out these mom quotes and working mom quotes.

Best Funny Mom Quotes

1. “Silence is golden. Unless you have kids, then silence is just suspicious.” – Anonymous

2. “Sleeping with a toddler is like sharing a bed with a drunk octopus who is looking for his car keys.” – Anonymous

3. “Started making myself breakfast, and ended up making everybody except myself breakfast.” – Anonymous

4. “It’s the best acting of my life right here, the well-rested woman. It’s my finest role.” – Kerry Washington

5. “If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?” – Milton Berle

6. “I always say, if you aren’t yelling at your kids, you’re not spending enough time with them.” – Reese Witherspoon

7. “Licked a dark smear off my finger and then thought, ‘Phew, it’s chocolate.'” – Anonymous

8. “I’m just a girl stuck under a sleeping child with a full bladder and a dying phone.” – The Wendy House

9. “The majority of my diet is made up of foods that my kids didn’t finish.” – Carrie Underwood

10. “Sleep, at this point, is just a concept, something I’m looking forward to investigating in the future.” – Amy Poehler

11. “Dear mom, thank you for keeping all the bad stuff I did from dad.” – Anonymous

12. “I feel like I should create a recording of me saying ‘Please clean that up.’ So I can hit play 500 times a day.” – Anonymous

13. “My husband coughing the moment I got the baby to sleep is why spouses are the number one suspect in homicide cases.” – Anonymous

14. “When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.” – Nora Ephron

15. “Motherhood is tough. If you just want a wonderful little creature to love, you can get a puppy.” – Barbara Walters

Also read: Stay-At-Home Mom Quotes, Single Mom Quotes

Funny Quotes About the Experiences of Moms

16. “I’ve conquered a lot of things, blood clots in my lungs, twice knee and foot surgeries, winning grand slams, being down match point, to name just a few. But I found out by far the hardest is figuring out a stroller!” – Serena Williams

17. “Children are like crazy, drunken small people in your house.” – Julie Bowen

18. “It’d be cool if my kids could make something I actually want. Like a bottle of wine out of macaroni.” – Anonymous

19. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” – Phyllis Diller

20. “The most expensive part of having kids is all the wine you have to drink.” – Anonymous

21. “I don’t want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.” – Anonymous

22. “You know you’re a good mom when you sacrifice your vibrator batteries for your kid’s toy.” – Anonymous

23. “I love all my children equally. Except for the one that sleeps, I love that one more.” – Anonymous

24. “‘You are going to miss this someday,’ I tell myself as I step on Legos all the way to the bathroom.” – Anonymous

25. “After we got home from the hospital, I didn’t shower for a week, and then John and I were like, ‘Let’s go out for dinner.’ I could last only about an hour because my boobs were exploding. When the milk first comes in, it’s like a tsunami. But we went, just to prove to ourselves that we could feel normal for a second.” – Emily Blunt

26. “Motherhood is basically finding activities for children in three-hour pockets of time for the rest of your life.” – Mindy Kaling

27. “Being a mom has made me really tired and so happy.” – Tina Fey

28. “Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your children.” – Sam Levenson

29. “Remember when you first became a parent, and everything was so terrifying? Now, you watch your kid lick the grocery cart, and you don’t even break a sweat.” – Anonymous

30. “I always thought I’d be a patient mom, and then I watched my son try to zip his own jacket.” – Anonymous

Also read: Strong Mom Quotes, Baby Quotes

Short and Funny Mom Quotes

46. “‘I will drink you under the table,’ I whisper to my coffee as we hide from my children.” – Anonymous

47. “Mom, I love you even though I’ll never accept your friend request.” – Anonymous

48. “Thank you for not telling my sisters that I’m your favorite.” – Anonymous

49. “Boys—less drama than girls, but harder to keep alive.” – Anonymous

50. “Sleep when the baby sleeps. Fold laundry when the baby folds laundry.” – Anonymous

51. “Patience—what you have when there are too many witnesses.” – Anonymous

52. “Every night, I try to get eight hours of sleep in four hours.” – Anonymous

53. “Sometimes, I open my mouth, and my mother comes out.” – Anonymous

54. “Mom, I love you and your super long voicemails.” – Anonymous

55. “Raising a kid is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.” – Ed Asner

56. “I used to have functioning brain cells, but I traded them in for children.” – Anonymous

57. “The fastest land animal is a toddler with something in his mouth.” – Anonymous

58. “Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.” – Anonymous

59. “Unless mom can’t find it then nothing is truly missing.” – Jennifer Betts

60. “If parenting was as easy as getting fat, then we would all have it made.” – Jennifer Betts

Also read: Quotes on Motherhood, New Mom Quotes

Cute and Funny Mom Quotes That Show the Struggles of Motherhood

31. “It’s a funny twist of fate that your child can go to bed three hours past their bedtime and still wake up at six a.m.” – Jennifer Betts

32. “If I wasn’t at work, I just wanted to stay home and party with my little man, and by ‘party,’ I mean, of course, endless rounds of Itsy Bitsy Spider.” – Olivia Wilde

33. “Tucked my kids in bed, and I said, ‘I’ll see you in the morning!’ Then we laughed and laughed and saw each other 16 more times before sunrise.” – Anonymous

34. “Why don’t kids understand that their nap is not for them but for us?” – Alyson Hannigan

35. “Spit-up is my new favorite accessory. No outfit is complete without it.” – Anonymous

36. “The closest I get to a spa day is when steam from the dishwasher smacks me in the face.” – Anonymous

37. “You know how once you have kids, you never ever pee by yourself again? At least one of them is always in there with you at all times.” – Jennifer Garner

38. “A mother need only step into the shower to be instantly reassured she is indispensable to every member of her family.” – Lynne Williams

39. “Being a mom means having to choose between eating, showering, or sleeping. You can’t do all three in one day.” – Anonymous

40. “That moment when your two-week-old baby is sleeping, and you wonder if it’s possible to take a nap in the shower while you eat lunch.” – Anonymous

41. “Can’t believe I shared my body with a child that won’t even share their M&M’s with me.” – Anonymous

42. “I met my match. She is very demanding, like, I can’t believe I have a boss. When my baby wanna eat, she wanna eat. It’s not like, ‘Oh, three minutes?’ No. Give me the milk now.” – Cardi B

43. “Booty call—a shout from the bathroom letting you know it’s time to wipe someone’s butt.” – Anonymous

44. “Usually, the triumph of my day is, you know, everybody making it to the potty.” – Julia Roberts

45. “Motherhood—feeding them as a baby and then through most of their 20s.” – Anonymous

Funny Mom Quotes That Will Make You Laugh So Hard

61. “Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids’ therapy.” – Michelle Pfeiffer

62. “A mother is the person you can always call to see how long chicken lasts in the fridge.” – Anonymous

63. “I’m just a mom standing in front of my husband, trying to say something that I can no longer remember because our kids interrupted us 175 times.” – Anonymous

64. “My kids will walk right past their father sitting on the couch and come bang on the shower door for me to open a fruit snack.” – Anonymous

65. “If there is a tooth fairy, it only seems fair that there should be a wine fairy and a laundry fairy. Kids shouldn’t get all the magic.” – Anonymous

66. “Sure, sometimes I question my parenting. But to be honest, sometimes, I question my child’s childing.” – Anonymous

67. “Based on the amount of laundry I have to do on a daily basis, I’m going to assume there are people living in this house that I haven’t met yet.” – Anonymous

68. “When your ‘mom voice’ is so loud, even the neighbors brush their teeth and get dressed.” – Anonymous

69. “My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.” – Mark Twain

70. “Parenting tip—maybe don’t leave Hungry Hungry Hippos on the floor of a dark room.” – Rachel Dratch

Also read: Sarcastic Quotes, Funny Quotes

More Funny Mom Quotes to Lighten Up Your Day

71. “Have you ever just ignored your children when they said, ‘Mom.’ Just to see how far they will go? So far, we’ve made it to 256.” – Anonymous

72. “You wrestled a bear? Well, I removed a splinter from a two-year-old’s finger. I think we’re even.” – Anonymous

73. “The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years, she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.” – Calvin Trillin

74. “My mother’s menu consisted of two choices—take it or leave it.” – Buddy Hackett

75. “I’ve learned that it’s way harder to be a baby. For instance, I haven’t thrown up since the ’90s, and she’s thrown up twice since we started this interview.” – Eva Mendes

76. “Having children is like living in a frat house. Nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.” – Ray Romano

77. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ It’s a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” – Erma Bombeck

78. “Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” – Jenny McCarthy

79. “Working mothers are like guinea pigs in a science experiment to show that sleep is not necessary to human life.” – Anonymous

80. “There are three ways to get something done—do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or ask your kids not to do it.” – Malcolm Kushner

Which Funny Mom Quote Made Your Day Easier to Bear?

Being a mother is a challenging journey, especially with the pandemic where our space is more limited, and we need to care for our children all day. We can find ourselves not having the time to loosen up or release stress from the pressure of motherhood.

At the same time, these tough moments are where laughter is most needed. It is also a way of taking care of our mental health and being kinder to ourselves. 

If we do not take the time to rest, we can’t have the strength to keep going. We hope that these quotes were able to relax and energize you for another day ahead. Keep doing an excellent job in being a mom!

Did the collection loosen you up? What are some of your funny experiences as a mom? We’d love to hear from you in the comment section below!