This Redditor has had enough of how much his family looked down on his fiancé and their relationship. He won’t tolerate their behavior anymore, resulting in uninviting them from his wedding!
Waiting for the Perfect Time
OP (Original Poster) and his fiancé had already been engaged for over a year when this story was posted. The couple was waiting to get married so she could finish college without the stress of wedding planning.
So, now that school’s over, OP and his fiancé started planning for their future.
The Root of the Problem
However, the problem started way back—at the beginning of their relationship. In the first few months of dating, OP’s mom got to talk to his fiancé.
She asked her what her plans were for the future in regard to marriage. OP wrote, “Keep in mind my mother is a devout Christian.”
OP’s fiancé told his mom she was waiting until graduation to begin “even thinking of marriage.” His mom took this negatively and immediately called her “selfish” for “disrupting God’s plans.”
She took it one step further, saying, “Satan was guiding her off the path!”
A Big Blow
This was a big insult to OP’s fiancé, as she had worked hard to get accepted into her first university of choice on a “basically full-ride scholarship.”
He explained that, until now, his mom didn’t know that he had overheard their conversation over the phone. After all, his fiancé wanted to just “get past and over it.”
Making up Excuses
She said that his mom might have just been upset and sad that one of her sons was getting older and making a life of his own. OP doesn’t seem to agree with this statement, but he let things be.
Breaking the News
A month before they got engaged, OP contacted his parents to let them know how he was feeling about his partner, saying he saw her as the person he’d be spending the rest of his life with.
Sadly, OP’s family didn’t support him fully. OP wrote, “I was met with them saying, ‘Are you sure she’s the one,’ and, ‘Maybe not to do that just yet.’”
Set in Stone
However, even with their hesitation, OP was sure about his decision. So, he “basically ignored” their words and proposed to his fiancé a month later.
His family then said, “Oh, I didn’t think you were that serious about marrying her.” They told OP that it would have been better if they knew about his plans earlier, but OP noted that he’d even shown them the ring when he first talked to them a month prior.
Recently, OP and his fiancé moved in together. Because of his family’s religious affiliation, what they did was frowned upon and looked down upon but tolerated due to their engagement.
Concerned for Her “Purity”
OP’s mom then called him, saying she was worried about his fiancé’s “s***** past.” He clarified that his mom was concerned that his fiancé wasn’t a “virgin.”
He wrote, “I felt this crossed a line both morally and personally as she has no right to comment on someone’s past, whether it’s good or bad.”
Uncovering More Issues
As if things weren’t already bad, OP and his fiancé are now faced with the issue of their relationship being “discredited and unacknowledged.”
Conversations and Altercations
To prove this, OP explained that he was talking to his dad the day before this story was posted. However, he has communication issues due to “being on the spectrum,” so it was hard for him to formulate words.
His fiancé tried to help, asking if she could say something on behalf of OP. However, OP’s dad immediately got mad, saying, “Absolutely not; you are not part of this conversation nor matter, and it is between me and OP.”
Setting His Boundaries
This particular incident was the last straw for OP.
He said, “This set me off as this isn’t the first time they have disregarded her as my partner. I guess something has snapped.”
We Are One and the Same
OP told his dad that any disrespect toward his fiancé is a disrespect toward him. He reiterated that she would be his wife, and they “work together as a team” through all issues they encounter.
Since then, OP has blocked his parents on every platform. He had also uninvited them from his wedding.
However, now, some of his relatives are saying he overreacted. He wrote, “My parents are refusing to believe they aren’t invited any longer. Am I the a**hole, and does anyone have any advice?”
What Redditors Think of the Issue
For users, OP and his fiancé deserved a perfect and happy wedding. If that meant uninviting toxic people, then so be it!
One said, “Yup, definitely not the a**hole. If you do go ahead with your current ceremony plans, though, it might be a good idea to delegate someone—a friend or a relative who’s on your side—to keep an eye on things if your parents do decide to show up. Since you said they can’t believe they aren’t actually invited. You don’t want to have to spend your wedding day dealing with that kind of drama if they do try and crash.”
“Not the a**hole. You absolutely did the right thing! You are planning for your future, and you can’t be a team with your fiancé if you are playing on your parents’ team! Excellent boundary; keep up the good work,” said another.
You’ll Be a Great Husband!
People also commended OP for how he defended his future wife. He’s 100% right and should continue standing up for himself and his fiancé.
One woman wrote, “Not the a**hole, and a very big kudos for standing up for your future wife. Discuss uninviting your parents with her and get on the same page. Then, if you decide to let them back in at some point, discuss boundaries and enforce them. Talk disrespectfully about you and your fiancé you’ll leave immediately, and they’re on a timeout for one month, and then the timeout will continue until an apology is made. If they keep making the same mistakes, make the timeouts longer. Be firm with them and make it clear that they’re welcome in your life if they respect your boundaries.”
Another said, “Your mother overstepped the moment she pushed her religious beliefs on your fiancé in such a derogatory manner. To call her selfish in this context is horrifying. To then be so invasive regarding your fiancée’s s***** past? It sounds like she was trying to get you to question whether or not you wanted to marry someone with a s***** past. Naturally, this is inappropriate on so many levels. I’m honestly impressed that you drew such a strong boundary and dealt with that disrespect in the manner that you did. You put your unit first, and that’s so important. My partner’s parents are blocked for the same reason and also will not be attending the wedding we’re planning. There’s nothing unreasonable about that. I don’t think you’ve overreacted at all. Why would you want people who are controlling, disrespectful, and invasive at your wedding? You’re not overreacting; you’re treating them as they deserve to be treated and recognizing their behavior for what it is.”
What would you say to OP’s mom? What would you do if you were in his shoes?
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This post first appeared as He Banned His Devout Christian Parents From His Wedding After They Scorned His Fiancé for Not Being a “Virgin” and Saying She’s “Selfish” for “Disrupting God’s Plans!” Was He Overreacting? on Quote Ambition.