While in college, this Redditor was shocked to discover his dad cheated on his mom, and they’re divorcing. He wants the family to come together for his wedding, but his mom has other ideas!
Role Models—or Not?
OP (Original Poster) is a 28-year-old man engaged to his fiancé, Lauren. They were in a happy relationship, but this wasn’t something he could attribute to his parents being his role models.
He was an only child, and at first, from his perspective, his parents seemed to have a “good relationship.” But as he got older, he saw that his parents were not “in love.”
Messy Parental Relationship
For OP, his dad was a loving person. Sadly, his love and affection weren’t reciprocated by his mom.
OP wrote, “She showed him literally zero affection, and she blamed my dad for everything. So as I got older, I grew closer to my dad because of this.”
Then, a few years later, when OP was in college, his parents visited him, informing him about their divorce. He wasn’t surprised about this development, but what shocked and upsetted him was the fact that his dad cheated!
Reconciliation and Understanding
OP and his father had a strained relationship because of this development. But after some time, OP eventually reached out to discuss what happened.
OP said, “He apologized. But expressed he was done being treated poorly and wanted a divorce years earlier. But was afraid that my mom would take him to court for custody and didn’t want to risk losing me. So he stuck with it. I asked if he ever cheated before the time my mom found out. And he said no.”
Rebuilding a Family
After the divorce, OP’s dad told him he was dating, but he would end the relationship if OP disapproved. Fortunately, OP only wanted to see his dad happy, so he encouraged the relationship and eventually met his dad’s then-girlfriend, now his second wife.
When they met, OP called her out on being with a married man. To her credit, she took “full responsibility,” and she has been OP’s stepmom for six years; he added, “We have a great relationship. She treats me great.”
Stuck in the Past
Conversely, OP had always tried to get his mom back out on the dating scene. However, he said that the only thing she wanted to do was “badmouth” his dad and stepmom.
He said, “I have to always have two separate events for everything, which is understandable. But for our wedding, this wasn’t feasible.”
Gearing Up for the Big Day
One day, OP’s uncle, who owns a bar, hosted a party celebrating OP and Lauren’s engagement. Everything was great until OP’s mom and stepmom got into an argument!
A Party Disaster
During the party, OP’s mom approached his stepmom and called her out in front of the crowd. They got into a fight when OP’s mom called her a “homewrecker.”
OP and his dad were able to separate them, but the damage was done.
Mom’s Final Warning
After this, OP warned his mother, letting her know she had “gotten in her one free jab.”
He said, “If you can’t behave and be there for me or Lauren, don’t show up. I was clear that if anything else happened, then she would be out of the wedding.”
An Apologetic Stepmom
Knowing that the fight ruined their celebration, OP’s stepmom rented out a vineyard to have the wedding shower at and apologized.
He wrote, “She rented this nice winery for a combined wedding shower.”
Trouble at the Shower
At the time of the wedding shower, OP and his fiance were having the time of their life, but something was wrong. In the corner, they began to notice that something wasn’t right.
OP’s mom had cornered the stepmom and delivered a verbal blow. She called his stepmom a “melodramatic c*** who won’t ever be a real mom.”
These words struck home because OP’s stepmom can’t have children of her own. When OP confronted his mom about what had happened, she came clean and didn’t deny anything.
Enough Is Enough
OP knew this was the last straw and immediately asked his mom to leave. No one in the family could believe how cruel and angry his mom was, even after eight years of being separated from his father.
An Uninvited Mom
With two warnings already given, OP felt he had no choice but to uninvite his own mother from his wedding. He explained that his stepmom was “important to him as well” and “s*** or causing drama” was inappropriate.
Her mom freaked out, but OP retorted, saying he had warned her twice.
A Jerk Move?
Lauren thinks he’s being too harsh on his mom because she probably has things she was going through. But OP thinks otherwise; he said, “She treated my dad like s*** when they were married, and our wedding isn’t the place for this.”
He also said that even now, his dad is the “bigger person,” asking him to consider all his options before finally deciding.
The Community’s Thoughts
For Redditors, OP was not in the wrong. It was his wedding, and he wasn’t uninviting his mom for an invalid reason.
One Redditor said, “Not the a**hole. Your mom has already tainted two events related to your wedding with her inappropriate behavior. She doesn’t deserve the opportunity to ruin the third and most important event.”
Others point out a hard truth, saying, “I am a wedding planner, and your mom is the type of person that I abhor. She makes special moments all about her and her toxic issues. My advice? Don’t negotiate with emotional terrorists. You gave her two chances, and the greatest predictor of future behavior is past behavior, and she failed.”
Is the Family Ruined?
Community members are also united in thinking that OP did the right thing. However, they noted that uninviting one’s mom isn’t the easiest thing to do; even so, he needs to stand firm!
One asked, “Not the a**hole. The risk of inviting your mom to the wedding is that she makes it about herself, causing a scene and/or making your dad and stepmom miserable with her comments. Do you and your girlfriend want this for your special day?”
“Not the a**hole. It seems pretty clear that if your mom comes to your wedding, she’ll cause a scene with your stepmother. Also, she trashed your stepmom; you warned her what would happen if she did it again, and she did it again. She has only herself to blame for this. I shudder to think what she’d do at a baby shower, a baptism, etc. You have to nip this in the bud now. Harsh, but I’m not sure there is anything else you can do to stop her behavior. Also, make sure you have someone at the wedding to keep her out.”
Is OP right to uninvite his mother and risk destroying what’s left of their family? Is it ever okay not to invite your mother to something as important as your wedding?
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This post first appeared as He Banned His Mom From His Wedding After She Repeatedly Insulted His Stepmom, Calling Her a “Melodramatic Homewrecker.” Enough’s Enough, but People Are Criticizing Him for Being a “Harsh” Jerk! on Quote Ambition.