He Deceived His Wife by Keeping His Sister’s Death From Her. She Felt Betrayed When She Discovered the Truth and Told Him to “Speak Up” Instead of “Bottling His Feelings!”

He told his wife he was only going to visit his sister, but the truth was he was attending her funeral. He didn’t want to deal with his wife worrying, so he lied to her!

A Moment of Silence

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OP (Original Poster), a 35-year-old man, had a sister who passed away 3 weeks ago prior to sharing his story.

Hardly Knew Each Other

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His wife only met his sister once since she lived far from them, and every time he went to visit her, his wife didn’t come.

Just Another Visit

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OP’s dad informed him that she had died and told him when the funeral would happen. So, OP traveled down for the wake and told his wife he was going to see his sister, which, to him, wasn’t exactly a lie.

A Call for Concern

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Several days after returning home, OP’s brother called his wife, telling her to check up on him since he hadn’t been answering his calls and text messages.

Secret Revealed

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OP guessed his wife asked for a reason why OP’s brother was so worried, leading him to tell her that OP’s sister passed away.

Should Not Be Suppressed

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Afterward, OP’s wife got incredibly upset at him for not telling her, saying he couldn’t trust her and should “talk to her instead of bottling up his feelings.”

Just Like He Predicted

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Then, OP explained he didn’t tell her because he knew how worried she’d be and would expect him to talk about his feelings.

Absolutely Unnecessary

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OP thought it was sweet of his wife to worry about him, but there was no need to.

Unlike You

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To him, she doesn’t understand that he doesn’t talk about how he feels, which is the total opposite of her.

The Inevitable Silent Treatment

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Since then, OP’s wife has barely spoken to him because she feels “betrayed.”

When Being Concerned Becomes a Burden

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Contrary to what his wife thinks, OP didn’t mean to upset her so much.

He said, “I just didn’t want to deal with her constant worrying. Am I the a**hole?”

The Community’s Thoughts

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OP might think he didn’t lie to his wife, but he actually did by omitting a piece of important information, which is his sister’s death. With that being kept from her, it wouldn’t be a surprise if she started to doubt everything concerning OP.

The top commenter wrote, “A soft you’re the a**hole because you lost a sister. But how you could not tell your wife something as important as ‘my sister died.’ You got the news, made travel plans, traveled, went to a funeral, came home, and at no time told your spouse that a member of your immediate family passed away. Whether you were close to your sister or not, that’s a major thing to deal with without sharing any of it with your spouse.”

The same person said, “When you said you were ‘going to see your sister’ and chose not to include that it was for her funeral, you lied by omission. And if I were your wife, I’d wonder how many other major things you’ve chosen not to tell me. I can’t imagine being so emotionally constipated that I don’t even tell the person I’m supposed to love and trust as much as I would a spouse something like this.”

Communication Is the Solution

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People think OP should have just told his wife what he wanted her to do while he was grieving instead of keeping things from her.

A Redditor commented, “Unfortunately, you’re the a**hole. First and foremost, I’m sorry for your loss. I understand it’s hard when a partner can be a little overbearing when they are worried. They love you. I would be quite hurt if my husband would not share something so personal because I would ‘worry.’ Trust that she is there for you. You can say, I don’t need you to worry, or even, I need some time to myself. But to purposefully keep information like that from your family is just hurtful. I hope you guys can talk it out.”

Someone else said, “Sorry, dude. You’re the a**hole. You can’t hide things from your spouse, and this was a big deal. Always be honest with your wife. My recommended approach would have been to tell her what happened and just be clear about what your needs were at the time. You can’t control how worried she feels, but there would have been nothing wrong with asking her at the time to support you by trying to make her worry less obvious. Let her know why. For example, perhaps it overwhelms you and stresses you out when she worries excessively.”

Remember Your Vows

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OP should remember what he and his wife said at their wedding: being together no matter what, and that includes honesty and trust.

“You’re the a**hole. This is the ‘for better or for worse’ part of marriage. The whole point is that you look out for and take care of each other. A sibling dying is a big thing, and not telling her about it is a huge breach of trust,” one commenter said.

Was OP wrong for lying to his wife? What do you think he should do now?

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This post first appeared as He Deceived His Wife by Keeping His Sister’s Death From Her. She Felt Betrayed When She Discovered the Truth and Told Him to “Speak Up” Instead of “Bottling His Feelings!” on Quote Ambition.

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Karen Danao

Hi, I’m Karen, a content curator and writer for Quote Ambition; I’m also a marketing and advertising professional. Beyond the keyboard and the screen, I’m someone who’s out to enjoy every bit that life has to offer!

Poetry, philosophy, history, and movies are all topics I love writing about! However, my true passion is in traveling, photography, and finding common ground to which everyone from different cultures can relate.

With the many places I’ve been to, I found that love, inspiration, and happiness are some things that bring people together. No matter how different we are on the outside, I’m a true believer that our emotions don’t lie; if you dig deep into our psyche, we’re all the same inside.

This belief was further amplified when I joined Quote Ambition. Through the quotes I’ve read, collected, organized, and written about, I found that humans are resilient, creative, and compassionate.

We take from each others’ hearts and courage, and it’s through our individual experiences that we learn how to rise above our challenges and pain. In so many ways, Quote Ambition is a platform that allows people from all over the world to gain the inspiration they need anytime, anywhere!

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