He told his wife he was only going to visit his sister, but the truth was he was attending her funeral. He didn’t want to deal with his wife worrying, so he lied to her!
A Moment of Silence
OP (Original Poster), a 35-year-old man, had a sister who passed away 3 weeks ago prior to sharing his story.
Hardly Knew Each Other
His wife only met his sister once since she lived far from them, and every time he went to visit her, his wife didn’t come.
Just Another Visit
OP’s dad informed him that she had died and told him when the funeral would happen. So, OP traveled down for the wake and told his wife he was going to see his sister, which, to him, wasn’t exactly a lie.
A Call for Concern
Several days after returning home, OP’s brother called his wife, telling her to check up on him since he hadn’t been answering his calls and text messages.
OP guessed his wife asked for a reason why OP’s brother was so worried, leading him to tell her that OP’s sister passed away.
Should Not Be Suppressed
Afterward, OP’s wife got incredibly upset at him for not telling her, saying he couldn’t trust her and should “talk to her instead of bottling up his feelings.”
Just Like He Predicted
Then, OP explained he didn’t tell her because he knew how worried she’d be and would expect him to talk about his feelings.
OP thought it was sweet of his wife to worry about him, but there was no need to.
To him, she doesn’t understand that he doesn’t talk about how he feels, which is the total opposite of her.
The Inevitable Silent Treatment
Since then, OP’s wife has barely spoken to him because she feels “betrayed.”
When Being Concerned Becomes a Burden
Contrary to what his wife thinks, OP didn’t mean to upset her so much.
He said, “I just didn’t want to deal with her constant worrying. Am I the a**hole?”
The Community’s Thoughts
OP might think he didn’t lie to his wife, but he actually did by omitting a piece of important information, which is his sister’s death. With that being kept from her, it wouldn’t be a surprise if she started to doubt everything concerning OP.
The top commenter wrote, “A soft you’re the a**hole because you lost a sister. But how you could not tell your wife something as important as ‘my sister died.’ You got the news, made travel plans, traveled, went to a funeral, came home, and at no time told your spouse that a member of your immediate family passed away. Whether you were close to your sister or not, that’s a major thing to deal with without sharing any of it with your spouse.”
The same person said, “When you said you were ‘going to see your sister’ and chose not to include that it was for her funeral, you lied by omission. And if I were your wife, I’d wonder how many other major things you’ve chosen not to tell me. I can’t imagine being so emotionally constipated that I don’t even tell the person I’m supposed to love and trust as much as I would a spouse something like this.”
Communication Is the Solution
People think OP should have just told his wife what he wanted her to do while he was grieving instead of keeping things from her.
A Redditor commented, “Unfortunately, you’re the a**hole. First and foremost, I’m sorry for your loss. I understand it’s hard when a partner can be a little overbearing when they are worried. They love you. I would be quite hurt if my husband would not share something so personal because I would ‘worry.’ Trust that she is there for you. You can say, I don’t need you to worry, or even, I need some time to myself. But to purposefully keep information like that from your family is just hurtful. I hope you guys can talk it out.”
Someone else said, “Sorry, dude. You’re the a**hole. You can’t hide things from your spouse, and this was a big deal. Always be honest with your wife. My recommended approach would have been to tell her what happened and just be clear about what your needs were at the time. You can’t control how worried she feels, but there would have been nothing wrong with asking her at the time to support you by trying to make her worry less obvious. Let her know why. For example, perhaps it overwhelms you and stresses you out when she worries excessively.”
Remember Your Vows
OP should remember what he and his wife said at their wedding: being together no matter what, and that includes honesty and trust.
“You’re the a**hole. This is the ‘for better or for worse’ part of marriage. The whole point is that you look out for and take care of each other. A sibling dying is a big thing, and not telling her about it is a huge breach of trust,” one commenter said.
Was OP wrong for lying to his wife? What do you think he should do now?
More From Quote Ambition
This Redditor turned to the community for advice after being called out for being a horrible woman for not wanting to raise a baby born from her ex-husband’s affair. Was she wrong to refuse?
An Entitled Woman Refused to Vacate His Assigned Seat on a Five-Hour Flight. So, He Kicked and Yanked the Chair Every Two Minutes, Ensuring There’s “Extra Turbulence” All Flight Long!
He got annoyed when a woman wouldn’t budge and get off his assigned plane seat, saying she was “already comfortable.” So, he devised a plan to make sure she’d regret every second of it!
She Left Her Cousin’s Wedding and Took Her $1,000 Gift Back After the Groom’s Family Ruined Her Dress for Being “Inappropriate.” They Want the Money Back, but It’s Too Late
OP (Original Poster) was stoked to attend her favorite cousin’s wedding. However, little did she know it would become one of the worst experiences of her life yet!
A Woman Noticed Their Security Cameras Glitched Only When Her Husband Was Home Alone. He Flipped Out After Being Confronted, but She Wants to Get to the Bottom of Things!
This Redditor’s home security cameras kept on glitching whenever her husband was home alone. Suspicious of what was causing this, she asked her husband, but instead of remaining calm, he got defensive!
He Begged His Neighbors to Extinguish Their Fire So His Dying Dog Could Spend One Last Day Outdoors, but They Showed No Sympathy. So, He Ensured They Learned Their Lesson!
He only wanted to give his dog a day in his backyard before putting her down. However, things didn’t go as planned when his neighbors decided to light a fire so close to them!
This post first appeared as He Deceived His Wife by Keeping His Sister’s Death From Her. She Felt Betrayed When She Discovered the Truth and Told Him to “Speak Up” Instead of “Bottling His Feelings!” on Quote Ambition.