This Redditor wants help clearing his mind before he makes his decision. Should he pay for his long-lost daughter’s university fees, or should he back out because she’s only reaching out to him for money?
Long-Lost Daughter
OP (Original Poster) is a 40-year-old man who recently found out he’s a father of an 18-year-old girl whom he calls Jane in this post. When he first found out about his daughter, he was doubtful.
However, he took a DNA test, and everything checked out. He was able to prove that Jane truly is his.
Getting to Know Each Other
With an 18-year gap, OP struggled to get to know Jane. When she first reached out, she said she wanted to learn more about her father.
OP wasn’t interested at all. However, he knew it was too cruel to deny Jane the right to get to know one of her parents.
I Need Some Answers!
After OP’s conversation with Jane, he asked about her mother—Grace. Jane gives her father Grace’s number so he can talk to her.
OP wasn’t thrilled. He didn’t want to reach out but knew he needed answers.
Met With Silence
OP got a hold of Grace and decided to meet at a coffee shop. They started with small talk, but soon, OP wanted to get to the bottom of things.
He asked Grace why she had never told him about Jane, but he was met with silence. He asked once more, and again, all he got was silence from Grace.
Finally, Some Answers
OP asked Grace again for the third time, and finally, he got something out of her. She said she didn’t want anything to do with OP and wanted to get back at him.
Upon hearing this, OP said that all Grace had done was deprive an innocent child of her father. Grace knew she was in the wrong, and she agreed with OP.
Why Now?
Grace told OP that she told Jane about him when she was 12—6 years ago! OP needed clarification; Jane knew about him for six years, so why is she only contacting him now?
He then asked Grace if she knew why Jane only reached out to him now. Grace then told him that Jane was angry that OP wasn’t present in her life.
Trying to Accept the Facts
OP now knew about the other side of the story. So, he didn’t pursue the question any further.
He understood that Jane was trying to come to terms with his existence when she was a teenager. He knew she would have been a hurting teen trying to go through life.
Father and Daughter Bond?
After OP’s conversation with Grace, he and Jane try to patch things up and build a bond. They hang out and spend time with each other for the week.
Then, Jane asked OP if they could talk. OP agrees, and they sit down and start their conversation.
Jane’s Struggles
Jane opens up to OP about how difficult it was for her to grow up in a single-parent household. She made it a point to tell OP that money was always tight.
However, for OP, the main point of their talk was Jane asking him to pay for her university expenses.
Should He or Should He Not?
OP didn’t say no right away. First, he asked to see her grades, and he thought they were just okay; they weren’t bad, but they weren’t remarkable either.
So, he told her that he would think about it. That ended their conversation, and Jane said thank you.
What Goes on in OP’s Head
Many thoughts ran through his head, but the main thing was that he didn’t want to pay for Jane’s university expenses. For him, she’s only a stranger who shares his DNA.
Missed Timing
For OP, Jane has had six years to reach out to him, but she’s only reaching out now because she needs money. OP doesn’t want her to think or look at him as her financial lifeline.
Moreover, OP said he wants to move on and rid his life of Grace and Jane.
What He Feels About Jane
OP added an edit to clarify that he wasn’t mad at Jane for not contacting him. He understood that she might have been hurting or even afraid to reach out to a father she had never known.
He was confused, but he also believed that nothing could have stopped Jane from contacting him before if she wished to do so. OP says he was just one call away and didn’t know how much of an influence Grace had on their daughter’s choices.
Child Support
He also adds some edits regarding the child support laws they had in place in his country. OP said, “You can’t claim unclaimed child support if you had the option to claim it.”
He added, “Child support can’t be settled after 18 unless the father knowingly disappeared, and that would take months to process, let alone prove.”
Redditors’ Two Cents
The community wants to make it clear that OP and Jane are not the a**holes in this story. If anyone would be an a**hole, it would be Grace, who had kept them away from each other for selfish reasons.
They did, however, advise OP to be kinder and more considerate to Jane. One said, “Not the a**hole, but consider being kinder to Jane than Grace was,” and one also mentioned, “I don’t think you’re an a**hole no matter what you decide, just don’t do anything to spite Jane; she’s had enough of that already.”
What Would You Do?
The situation OP’s in is pretty complicated.
What would you do if you were in his shoes? Would you pay for Jane’s university or shut her down?
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This post first appeared as He Doesn’t Want to Pay For His Daughter’s University Fees Because, for Him, She’s Just a Stranger Who Shares His DNA. He Feels Like She’s Just Using Him for Money! on Quote Ambition.
