His mother’s death was a sensitive topic for him, primarily because he, himself, and his family blame him for it. So, when his brother-in-law mentioned it during one family dinner, he completely lost it!
No Mother Figure in Sight
OP (Original Poster), a 27-year-old man, lost his biological mother in an accident in their home when he was 10. To give some background, he explained that he was an extremely active kid who didn’t always listen to his parents.
An Unfortunate Accident
The day the accident happened, he went into the kitchen even though he wasn’t supposed to because he couldn’t wait and wanted to taste the meal his mom was cooking.
OP sneaked in, opened the pot with a towel, and left it close to the stove after tasting the food. Eventually, it caught fire, and his mom was so severely injured that she passed away after three weeks in the hospital.
Putting the Blame on a Young Boy
OP didn’t know it then, but as he grew up, his family kept saying that it was his fault. Through time, he slowly understood what they meant and started to blame himself for his mom’s death.
Aside from this, because of his family’s cruel judgments, he became distant and could never mend the bond between them.
The Mom He Craved
Years later, OP met his wife in college, and she introduced him to her mother, who welcomed him with open arms and treated him like a son. His wife’s mom is a loving and compassionate woman, and she was someone OP looked to as his own mother.
OP wrote, “I call her my mom who didn’t give birth to me. That’s how close we both are.”
Celebrating With Family
Because of their relationship, OP invited his wife’s mom to their place to celebrate Mother’s Day. All his in-laws came, including his brother-in-law, whom he didn’t see eye to eye with.
His brother-in-law’s in the military, and because of this, he and OP never really bonded or saw each other much. Also, OP’s brother-in-law can be very rude and too honest at times.
After dinner, they sat together, and OP and his wife gave his mother-in-law presents. Then, his brother-in-law negatively commented on his gift, and he pointed out that his wife’s brother didn’t even bring one for his mom.
OP added, “He said he didn’t bother since I’m now acting like her son and since he’s not always around, so I’m more of a replacement for him. I didn’t get what he meant. I called him silly and told him it’s not my fault he doesn’t care enough about his mom to get her a present.”
An Insensitive Comment
His brother-in-law was offended by what he said. Then, he proceeded to “correct” OP by saying, “Just like you didn’t care enough about your mom that you literally caused her death, which was totally preventable.”
It’s Time for Him to Go
OP immediately got furious and blew up on his wife’s brother, telling him he was being a “disrespectful jerk.” Everyone there tried to make both of them calm down, but OP stood up and told his brother-in-law to leave, even though he was already apologizing.
OP’s wife told him to let it go and sit down, but he wouldn’t budge. He turned toward his brother-in-law and said, “No more talking. Get out.”
Taking Their Boy’s Side
With that, his wife’s brother got his jacket and left, and others started to follow him outside, including OP’s mother-in-law, who told him that her son didn’t mean what he said. She reasoned that he has always been that way—honest with everyone and trying to annoy people whenever he’s in a bad mood.
Although she said that her son being in a bad mood wasn’t OP’s fault, she told OP that he should’ve “de-escalated” instead of arguing further and worsening the situation. Then, his wife agreed with her mother’s statement, explaining that OP should’ve already realized that her brother can be very “sensitive” and take things personally.
Regretting His Actions
They told him that he and his brother-in-law were both at fault. But OP doesn’t completely understand why they think so, as he only kicked his brother-in-law out because of his comment, which eventually ruined everyone’s night.
OP wrote, “I stayed up all night because of how deeply I was hurt. I think I overreacted.”
What Redditors Think of the Issue
Some commenters stated that OP was not the “a**hole,” and he is also not to blame for his mother’s death.
The top commenter wrote, “Not the a**hole. First off, I am so sorry about what happened to your mother, but it was not your fault. It was an accident, and you were 10. It sounds like your brother-in-law is jealous of the relationship you are able to have with your mother-in-law, and that is something for him to work out on his own.”
He Should’ve Kept His Mouth Shut
Other people think that OP’s brother-in-law shouldn’t have brought OP’s mother’s death into the conversation. In fact, they believe that everything would have been better if he hadn’t said anything.
A Redditor commented, “Not the a**hole. On Mother’s Day, he decided to rub an accident that cost your mother her life in your face because he couldn’t be bothered to buy anything for his own mom. There are things that you can say that you can never take back. This is one of them. There are certain things you don’t throw around in a fight unless you want to end a relationship with someone.”
The same person added, “Bringing up a parent’s death and blaming it on a person seems like a pretty reasonable one. He knew what he was doing but thought he could get away with it. Honestly, I would be p***** at your wife for not recognizing that was something that should never be said.”
Redditors also said that since OP’s brother-in-law is in the military, his being there for his mother might already be a gift, just not a material one. So, in some way, he’s also at fault for what had happened.
“Everyone sucks here. He’s in the military and not around much, but he still made the effort to make it home for Mother’s Day. Obviously, there’s more to the situation that I’m not aware of, but I know firsthand that sometimes just being home has to be the gift because travel expenses might make it impossible to spend on very much else. Maybe he’s got some guilt about not being home more, and he’s jealous because you get to spend more time with his mom,” someone said.
The same commenter stated, “You were wrong for suggesting that he didn’t care just because he didn’t get her a gift. He was wrong for bringing up your mom. All of you would do well to get together and work things out and actually be brothers-in-law instead of competing for your mother-in-law’s love.”
Won’t Let an Insult Slide
Then, other Redditors pointed out that OP was the one who said something negatively first. Given that, what was his brother-in-law supposed to do except defend himself?
A commenter wrote, “Everyone sucks here. You accused him of not caring enough about his mother simply because he didn’t get her a gift. How did you really see this conversation going? He either had to defend himself, agree with the statement, or continue to argue. Or let his mother defend him. This is just awkward for everyone. Brother-in-law sounds like an unpleasant personality, and his response was very rude and not even a remotely fair comparison.”
The same person added, “However, he did apologize after you called him out for being disrespectful. You continued to escalate the situation even though you had an opportunity to be a good host and let his mother enjoy her day.”
Was OP wrong for kicking his brother-in-law out? What would you do if you were in his shoes?
More From Quote Ambition
This Redditor turned to the community for advice after being called out for being a horrible woman for not wanting to raise a baby born from her ex-husband’s affair. Was she wrong to refuse?
An Entitled Woman Refused to Vacate His Assigned Seat on a Five-Hour Flight. So, He Kicked and Yanked the Chair Every Two Minutes, Ensuring There’s “Extra Turbulence” All Flight Long!
He got annoyed when a woman wouldn’t budge and get off his assigned plane seat, saying she was “already comfortable.” So, he devised a plan to make sure she’d regret every second of it!
She Left Her Cousin’s Wedding and Took Her $1,000 Gift Back After the Groom’s Family Ruined Her Dress for Being “Inappropriate.” They Want the Money Back, but It’s Too Late
OP (Original Poster) was stoked to attend her favorite cousin’s wedding. However, little did she know it would become one of the worst experiences of her life yet!
A Woman Noticed Their Security Cameras Glitched Only When Her Husband Was Home Alone. He Flipped Out After Being Confronted, but She Wants to Get to the Bottom of Things!
This Redditor’s home security cameras kept on glitching whenever her husband was home alone. Suspicious of what was causing this, she asked her husband, but instead of remaining calm, he got defensive!
He Begged His Neighbors to Extinguish Their Fire So His Dying Dog Could Spend One Last Day Outdoors, but They Showed No Sympathy. So, He Ensured They Learned Their Lesson!
He only wanted to give his dog a day in his backyard before putting her down. However, things didn’t go as planned when his neighbors decided to light a fire so close to them!
This post first appeared as He Kicked His Brother-In-Law Out During Their Family’s Mother’s Day Dinner and Accused Him of Being a “Disrespectful Jerk” After Saying It’s “His Fault” His Mom’s Dead. Was He Overreacting? on Quote Ambition.