He Kicked His Sister-In-Law Out, Tired of Her Invading His Personal Space. But Now His Wife’s Upset, Blaming Him for “Ruining” Their Relationship! Was He Being a Harsh, Selfish “Jerk?”

He started to feel uncomfortable and disturbed in his own home with his sister-in-law there. His wife feels the same, so would it be wrong if he wanted her out of his house?

Welcome to Our Home

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OP (Original Poster), a 29-year-old man, and his 30-year-old wife agreed to let her 24-year-old sister live with them. This is only while she studied for her nursing certification after graduating last spring.

Because of this agreement, his sister-in-law has stayed with them for most of May and June, left for the summer, and has returned since September.

Once More

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A month before sharing this story, OP’s sister-in-law took the exam for the first time, and she didn’t pass. Now, she’s studying to retake it, and she can’t give an estimate of how long that will be.

The Third Wheel

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While living with them, OP’s wife’s sister has been okay as a roommate; she was appreciative and offered to help do house chores. However, she was also very dependent on the couple.

Another Person to Look Out For

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Even though OP worked late, he would still come home to his wife and her sister waiting for him to cook dinner. He ends up cooking all their meals.

She also stays indoors unless they offer to take her out with them.

Home Is Not a Home Anymore

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Everywhere OP turns, his sister-in-law is there, which makes OP have a difficult time feeling comfortable in his own home.

He added, “Not to mention any intimacy with my wife disappeared. My wife and I are both quiet, generally introverted people, so feeling like we have someone we need to entertain constantly has been draining.”

Discussing the Obvious

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A week before posting on Reddit, OP brought his wife out to dinner, clearly indicating it was just him and her so he could tell her his concerns about her sister. OP’s spouse was mainly on his side and agreed with the issues he brought up.

A Simple Solution

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She told him she would discuss it with her sister and tell her they need more space and time without her to “try and reset” and go from there. OP’s wife also decided they would set better boundaries if she lived with them again.

Confronting Her Sister

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Two nights before OP posted this story, his wife told her sister about the matter, and she broke down in tears and didn’t say anything after.

OP wrote, “I thought my wife was as gentle as she could be about it.”

Her Take on the Issue

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OP sensed that his sister-in-law interpreted the conversation differently, as if they never wanted her around again. The morning after the talk, his wife’s sister packed all her things and left without any word other than saying she was leaving.

Putting the Blame on Him

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This made OP feel guilty about wanting his sister-in-law out of the house. His wife mostly feels the same way but said she might feel “upset” with him if this completely “ruins” her relationship with her sister.

Dealing With the Whole Family

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Aside from that, her family went mad when they heard about the situation. OP’s mother-in-law even tried to fly in and fix things, and they absolutely thought OP and his wife were being “a**holes.”

OP wrote, “I don’t feel like my wife and I have any responsibility left for caring for her sister. My wife has texted her sister saying she loves her and wants the best for her but has heard nothing.”

The Community’s Reactions

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Redditors believe setting clear and serious boundaries is something OP and his wife should prioritize if her sister ever returns. But ideally, it would be better if she doesn’t.

The top commenter wrote, “You’re not the a**hole, but you need to be careful. A wedge between sisters caused by you can cause a wedge between you and your wife. First, let her leave; don’t invite her back as long as she has a place to live.”

The same person added, “However, if she does have to return after her tantrum, I would set some serious boundaries with her first before things get started. For instance, she has to either order or cook dinner one to two times per week. If she can’t, it should be her responsibility to clean the kitchen and do the dishes after you all cook. She has to clean all of her mess, etc. If she sticks to the boundaries and takes care of her own s***, then it’s fine. If not, she leaves.”

More Consideration, Please!

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One person shared some suggestions and their personal experience with a family member moving in with them.

A Redditor said, “Not the a**hole. If she has common sense, she should know that she needs to give the married couple she lives with time to themselves. Your said wife was gentle in her approach. That’s all you can do. You were honest, and you asked for some reasonable boundaries. If that upset her, that’s on her. You and your wife didn’t do anything wrong. In the future, I suggest not letting family members move in.”

The same person shared, “My husband’s brother moved in with us two times. The first time, he just stopped paying us rent. The second time, he didn’t work, he didn’t pay rent, and we were basically feeding him and paying for the stuff he needed. I got into a big fight with my husband over this. We were struggling financially and didn’t have money for any extras, yet his unemployed brother was given money for beer. My husband could not understand my point of view and thought that because it was his brother, it was okay to let him live with us rent-free and not have to work—while in his late 20s. Never again will family live with us.”

Addressing It Early

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Commenters also think OP and his wife should have told his sister-in-law their concerns when it started, and they could have avoided this whole thing.

“I totally feel it. So, not the a**hole. My criticism would be, though, that you waited too long and then got from 100 to 0 too harshly. Discussing the problem with her and then making a plan together on where she could stay or how the problem can be mended would have been my preferred way of action,” a commenter wrote.

That’s Just Cunning

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Then, some Redditors pointed out that OP’s wife was manipulative when she said she’d blame OP if her relationship with her sister were ruined. After all, she agreed to his concerns, yet she wanted him to be at fault all alone.

One Redditor said, “Not the a**hole. Your wife ‘might’ be upset with you is a concern. Fingers crossed, their relationship isn’t permanently damaged, or she will blame you. You’re not at fault for having boundaries. She is for that statement. How manipulative is that?”

Another person wrote, “I was thinking the same thing. The wife even agreed with how her husband felt, but because he wanted her actually to say something, and considering it’s her sister, she should be the one to talk to her, that makes the relationship tension his fault? Absolutely not. Boundary stomping sister plus doormat sister finally setting boundaries equals the husband’s fault. The math isn’t ‘mathing.’”

Have you been in the same situation as OP before? What do you suggest he do?

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This post first appeared as He Kicked His Sister-In-Law Out, Tired of Her Invading His Personal Space. But Now His Wife’s Upset, Blaming Him for “Ruining” Their Relationship! Was He Being a Harsh, Selfish “Jerk?” on Quote Ambition.

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Karen Danao

Hi, I’m Karen, a content curator and writer for Quote Ambition; I’m also a marketing and advertising professional. Beyond the keyboard and the screen, I’m someone who’s out to enjoy every bit that life has to offer!

Poetry, philosophy, history, and movies are all topics I love writing about! However, my true passion is in traveling, photography, and finding common ground to which everyone from different cultures can relate.

With the many places I’ve been to, I found that love, inspiration, and happiness are some things that bring people together. No matter how different we are on the outside, I’m a true believer that our emotions don’t lie; if you dig deep into our psyche, we’re all the same inside.

This belief was further amplified when I joined Quote Ambition. Through the quotes I’ve read, collected, organized, and written about, I found that humans are resilient, creative, and compassionate.

We take from each others’ hearts and courage, and it’s through our individual experiences that we learn how to rise above our challenges and pain. In so many ways, Quote Ambition is a platform that allows people from all over the world to gain the inspiration they need anytime, anywhere!

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