This dad can’t believe how much money his daughter wants for her dream wedding. He refused to fund it, but now his wife and daughter are giving him the cold shoulder!
The Father of the Bride
OP’s (Original Poster) daughter is getting married soon, and one of the things she has always wished for is to have a destination wedding.
However, OP, as the father of the bride, said no.
To give a better context, OP explained that they are from New York, and his daughter wants to get married in New Zealand. So, it wasn’t as simple as driving long distances to a nice chateau or resort.
It wasn’t even an issue of flying to another coast!
Incredibly Costly Expenses
So far, OP’s daughter wants around $200,000 for her wedding. This is already a big amount of money, but OP noted that it still didn’t include what the guests would have to pay to come.
More Into the Humble Approach
When he refused, OP’s wife started trying to influence him into agreeing, saying they could afford it. But OP’s not so keen on doing so.
He said, “I find it to be a pointless showing of wealth.”
Though his wife wants to fund the wedding, OP said she couldn’t do it without his approval—per an agreement they had years ago.
OP explained, “Our agreement stops her. We agreed we would not spend anything over $5,000 without bringing it up with the other person. This was to stop me from buying classic cars constantly. I enjoy restoring old cars. I have never broken this agreement, and I hope my wife does not break our agreement.”
Bending for His Princess?
The tense family situation is making OP rethink his decision. However, most of his family won’t be able to afford to pay for the trip, so if he wants them to attend, then apart from funding the wedding itself, he’d also have to give his relatives money for travel expenses.
OP said, “Now my daughter is not talking to me, nor is my wife. Should I bite the bullet and essentially burn money and alienate family members to make my daughter’s dream wedding a reality?”
Things Taken Into Consideration
On the one hand, however, OP’s thinking about whether his refusal to fund his daughter’s dream wedding makes him seem like a cheapskate.
In some ways, OP feels like he’s “being cheap” by letting his personal feelings “overshadow” what he should be doing as the father of the bride.
However, he also recognizes the fact that he spoiled his daughter a bit too much. After all, this whole thing wouldn’t even be an issue if it weren’t the case.
He wrote, “I will admit she did have a privileged life. I grew up poor and experienced a lot of hardship. I did not want her to experience that. I wanted to give her every experience I was not able to have.”
Till now, OP has yet to come to a decision. So, he decided he’d make some calls to price what a wedding in New York would cost at different head counts—from 100 to 200 people.
He added, “I do not know the exact size; I just know he also has a large, close family.”
An Informed Choice
He planned to use the information he would be able to gather to make an “informed choice” on the matter. For OP, it would be an either/or situation.
It’s Your Choice
So, no matter how things turn out, OP will leave the choice to his daughter and wife.
He said, “Because they are playing this game, I will tell both of them, my wife and daughter, that it is a wedding or house.”
A Wedding or a House?
All things considered, the amount of money his daughter wants for her wedding is too much—whether it’s for a wedding in New York or New Zealand. But if his daughter asked for $200,000 for a house, he would 100% do it.
He said, “I would do that in a heartbeat. Spending $200,000 on something that serves no other purpose than showing off wealth is not something I signed off on. I get getting her a house is also showing off wealth, but a house serves a long-term purpose.”
Wouldn’t Take No for an Answer
Sadly, no matter how much OP tried to bargain with his daughter, she’s adamant about getting what she wants.
“Unfortunately, not much discussion can happen. She wants me to give her the money, but I do not. I have offered compromises: paying for the honeymoon and getting them a house. The amount itself is not my concern. I’d rather have them use that money for something that makes sense and serves a purpose besides showing off her parents’ money.”
Redditors’ Two Cents
To put things into perspective, Redditors explained that OP’s daughter should stop pushing for something as expensive as a $200,000 wedding, especially when she couldn’t afford it herself.
The top commenter said, “Not the a**hole. If she can’t pay for a destination wedding on her own, then she shouldn’t be having a destination wedding. It seems cruel, but it’s true. Not to mention, there’s so much more money involved with the flights and the hotels and stuff. Is she going to be paying for her own ticket, or are you expected to fork out for them, too? And her fiancé’s ticket.”
The same person added, “Not to mention the fact that she’s thrown a strop and isn’t talking to you tells me she doesn’t deserve it. I’m a believer that we are not entitled to our parents’ money. I don’t expect any inheritance off of my dad if he ever passes, even though he has a big life insurance. I would rather have my dad than the money.”
Others then left OP some suggestions to help him with his next steps.
“Not the a**hole. Establish the amount of dollars you are willing to provide and give her the budget. Tell her anything above that is on her and her fiancé. Make sure to tell her if that includes travel, etc., for the bridal couple and family members. If she wants a blowout wedding, she can pay for it,” said one user.
Another agreed, saying, “A dollar amount or certain aspects of the wedding like food and drinks, but the whole thing seems obnoxious, and maybe Mom and Daughter are from the same mindset when they spend Daddy’s money.”
Other Redditors reminded OP that weddings are a celebration of love, not money!
One said, “Weddings should be a party—a celebration of love with your friends and family. All this other extra stuff is just completely braggadocio.”
“The ‘Wedding Culture’ has become so out of control. ‘But it’s my special day’ is not an excuse for spending b*** loads of money and behaving badly. Paying $200,000 for a wedding is a house in some areas. And then the brides will also want a destination bridal shower and destination bachelorette. This stuff has got to stop,” said another.
Do you think OP’s daughter is entitled and spoiled? How would you handle this situation?
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This post first appeared as He Refused to Fund His Daughter’s $200,000 Destination Wedding in New Zealand, Claiming It’s Equivalent to “Burning Money.” Now His Wife and Daughter Are Giving Him the Silent Treatment! on Quote Ambition.