He Refused to Let His Girlfriend Be a Stay-At-Home Mom to Her Two Kids. He’s Called “Stingy” for Not Making Sacrifices, but He Never Volunteered to Be Their Walking ATM

OP (Original Poster) and his girlfriend were talking about moving in together when she suddenly announced she wanted to be a stay-at-home mom to her twins. Does he even have a right to refuse?

All Good Things Come to an End

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OP, a 28-year-old man, has been dating his 29-year-old girlfriend, Amy, since May 2022. A mutual friend introduced them to each other, and everything had been going quite well.

That is until OP turned to Reddit a couple of days before he posted his story.

Like One Family

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To give some background, OP explained that Amy has 7-year-old twin boys from her past relationship, and OP gets along with them great. He and Amy have been discussing moving in together and how the setup would be with the kids.

Back Your Decision Up

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Everything was okay, and there was no problem until she asked OP if they could find a place he could afford on his own—just in case she became a stay-at-home mom.

OP wrote, “I asked in what instance she would become a stay-at-home mom when we aren’t planning on having more kids, and I got a vasectomy two years ago that she knows of.”

Dreams of Becoming a Homemaker

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Amy said it’s always been her dream to be a stay-at-home mother for her children, and it will benefit the twins to always have her home. She also said that she knows it will be a lot for OP to handle, but she would appreciate it if they could discuss it and make it possible as soon as they move in together.

Too Much to Handle

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They did talk about it, but OP honestly told Amy that he wasn’t comfortable with the idea of being the breadwinner for their four-person household.

He added, “I could afford rent on my own, but groceries, bills, stuff the kids will need, etc., I can’t afford all that, and if I could make it work, that would leave nothing for savings.”

Illogical Solution

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Additionally, he told Amy that the twins were in school most of the day. Although he agrees it is a great benefit for children to have a parent always available, he doesn’t think it’s necessary.

The End of the Discussion

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Aside from that, he also told her that he would be stressed out to have everyone rely on him. With that, Amy said she understood and that it was fine.

They didn’t speak about the matter again.

Meddling Mother

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But a week after their discussion, Amy’s mother called OP. She started the conversation smoothly and “sweetly” before getting straight to the point.

Amy’s mom asked OP why he decided to be in a relationship with a single mother if he wasn’t willing to step up for Amy and her kids. OP wrote, “To be honest, this kind of p***** me off. I didn’t know deciding to date a single mom meant I’d have to happily be financially responsible for them all.”

Between the Couple

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So, with all due respect, OP told Amy’s mom that this matter is between him and his girlfriend. Then her mom said Amy won’t have any more children because she’s with OP, and this is her “only chance” to be entirely devoted to her twins.

A “Cheap” Guy

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Amy’s mom added that although OP can “easily” afford it, he was being “stingy” as he “cannot be bothered” to make a “sacrifice.”

OP wrote, “My blood was boiling, and I was trying not to say something rude back. I told her it wasn’t her business and cut the call.”

Venting to Her Mom

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After that, OP talked to Amy and asked her about what her mother did. She reasoned that she needed to express her feelings about the situation to someone, and her mom just had her best interest at heart.

The Tables Have Turned

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Then, she told OP that it would be better for him to consider her mom’s perspective and decide after. So, OP asked her if it would be fine for him to call his mother and tell her that his girlfriend is asking him to “bankroll her and her children’s lives” and watch as she calls Amy names for it.

OP added, “She said I’m taking things too personally, and I should’ve expected things to not go great after our discussion. I’m at a loss here.”

A Father’s Responsibilities

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For clarification, OP said that the twins’ dad isn’t a bad person; he’s just broke and lives halfway across the world. If he can’t financially take care of himself, he also can’t pay child support for his kids.

Besides, he also has many health issues, which makes it difficult for him to work. But he calls his kids a lot, and he is as involved as he can be.

She Can Manage

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OP also said Amy makes enough to support herself and her children. So, generally, they have been doing relatively well when it comes to financial matters.

Redditors’ Opinions on the Matter

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Redditors believe that Amy already planned everything out, and no matter what happens, she will pursue what she wants.

The top commenter wrote, “Not the a**hole, but you do realize she plans to make this happen whether you agree or not, right? You’ll move in together, and she’ll get ‘let go,’ then have ‘trouble’ finding a job.”

Another person replied to the previous comment, saying, “This is how it sounds to me, too. She already ‘decided’ not to work and that she has a meal ticket, and right now, she is just in the process of making it happen one way or the other.”

Forever a Third Wheel

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Others pointed out that OP may be in a relationship with Amy, but her mom is in it, too. If OP continues being with her, he’ll also remain stuck with her mom meddling in every matter they would have.

A Redditor wrote, “Not the a**hole. Run, dude. Decisions should be made between the two people in the relationship. Her bringing her mom into it to try to bully you into doing what she wants is not only ridiculous but childish as well. Your girlfriend needs to grow up.”

The same person added, “Please do not move in with her. Just break up with her. Do you really want to be in a relationship with her and her mom? Any problems you two have, her mom will have a say as well.”

Run! Just Run!

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According to Redditors, OP is better off leaving Amy because she is a walking red flag and toxic all over.

A Redditor said, “OP, you’re lucky this woman isn’t smarter or more devious than she is, or she would have waited to move in first and conveniently lost her job before dropping this bomb on you. Cut your losses and run to the hills. The amount of red flags shown here is off the charts!”

Was OP wrong in this situation? Or do you think Amy was using him?

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This post first appeared as He Refused to Let His Girlfriend Be a Stay-At-Home Mom to Her Two Kids. He’s Called “Stingy” for “Not Making Sacrifices,” but He Never Volunteered to Be Their Walking ATM! on Quote Ambition.

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Karen Danao

Hi, I’m Karen, a content curator and writer for Quote Ambition; I’m also a marketing and advertising professional. Beyond the keyboard and the screen, I’m someone who’s out to enjoy every bit that life has to offer!

Poetry, philosophy, history, and movies are all topics I love writing about! However, my true passion is in traveling, photography, and finding common ground to which everyone from different cultures can relate.

With the many places I’ve been to, I found that love, inspiration, and happiness are some things that bring people together. No matter how different we are on the outside, I’m a true believer that our emotions don’t lie; if you dig deep into our psyche, we’re all the same inside.

This belief was further amplified when I joined Quote Ambition. Through the quotes I’ve read, collected, organized, and written about, I found that humans are resilient, creative, and compassionate.

We take from each others’ hearts and courage, and it’s through our individual experiences that we learn how to rise above our challenges and pain. In so many ways, Quote Ambition is a platform that allows people from all over the world to gain the inspiration they need anytime, anywhere!

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