His girlfriend’s parents are forcing them to get married because they refuse to have a grandchild out of wedlock. It’s a lot of pressure, especially for a woman who’s carrying a human inside of her!
One in a Million
OP (Original Poster), a 27-year-old, got his 25-year-old girlfriend pregnant after only 3 months of dating. She was on birth control, but it failed.
Looking back, OP should have used condoms, but he figured that birth control was supposed to be 99.9% effective, and he just never thought he’d be the 0.1%.
Her Body, Her Choice
OP and his girlfriend have talked about politics, and both of them are pro-choice. She said that if she got pregnant accidentally, she’d have an abortion, but after getting pregnant, she changed her mind and suddenly wanted to keep it.
OP wrote, “I won’t lie that I’m happy about this decision, but I realize it’s her choice, and I don’t get a say; it is what it is.”
Both of them have well-paying jobs, and OP’s girlfriend went to the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, has a great career, and a wealthy family. OP isn’t worthless or anything, but he thinks he’s not really worth “baby-trapping.”
According to him, his girlfriend might not have been perfect in taking the pill as scheduled. Still, he’s not suspicious of her getting intentionally pregnant.
Now, upon posting on Reddit, OP’s girlfriend is almost seven months pregnant, and it’s very obvious. Her parents are “conventional,” and her dad is a well-known person in his community.
He also has a high-profile job and even has a Wikipedia page!
To say that his girlfriend’s parents are trying to have them get married before the child is born is putting it lightly. It all started with a simple “So, when are you getting married?” to “You better get married before this kid is born because my grandkid won’t be a b******.”
It Always Ends Badly
Personally, OP isn’t interested in marriage. His parents are both married and have been divorced twice, and about the same goes for his extended family.
All in all, he doesn’t really care for the institution.
Not the Right Time
He’s not judging the people who choose to get married, but it’s “not for him.” Even if it were, he’s not ready to marry his girlfriend anyway because they haven’t even been together for a whole year.
He said, “I’d want to date for at least two years before getting married.”
An Okay Kind of Love
With his girlfriend, OP’s not sure if they’d still be together had she not gotten pregnant. According to him, he would rather see if they can make their relationship work than not trying, but he’s not enthusiastic about jumping into marriage just because they’d have a child.
He wrote, “I think she’s a great person, but I wouldn’t say I feel like I’m in love with her.”
Succumbing Into the Pressure
At first, OP’s girlfriend was indifferent, but now, she’s trying to get them married as well.
OP noted, “I don’t think it’s so much she wants to be married to me as much as her parents have convinced her she’ll be an embarrassment to have a kid out of wedlock.”
He loves his girlfriend but is not “in love” with her, and they’ve already had that discussion in the past. Given everything that’s happening, he doesn’t think she wants to get married to him because she’s “madly in love” with him, either, but only because of social pressure.
OP added, “The social pressure doesn’t personally bother me too much. To be fair, I have a more accepting support system around me than her. Her parents and social circle are much more traditional than mine, who generally just want me to be happy.”
A Proud Dad
Also, even though they’re in this situation, OP would never abandon his child. He always did want to have kids someday, just not in the present.
He said, “I’d never neglect my own kid just because of who his mom is.”
Luring Them In
Shockingly, the week before OP shared this story, his girlfriend’s father offered to buy the ring, pay for the wedding, and give them $100,000 to get married before the child was born. It wasn’t meant to be a nice gesture, but his way to “save himself” from what he feels is an “embarrassment.”
OP said, “The whole thing just feels slimy to me.”
Temptation Won’t Be Necessary
OP and his girlfriend both have good jobs, and although the money would be nice, they don’t really need it. The two of them make enough to provide and support their kid.
To end his post, he asked, “Am I the a**hole for not just sucking it up and marrying her even if I’m not really in love with her?”
The Community’s Opinions
For users, everything’s going to be okay as long as OP and his girlfriend both support and raise their child, either together or separately.
The top commenter wrote, “As long as you are there for your child. There is nothing wrong with not getting married until if and when you want to.”
Another person agreed, saying, “This. It’s better to break it off early if it goes south and agree to remain co-parents than to get married, let things spiral downward, and hate each other or make each other’s lives difficult. Kids know what’s up, and having two parents who work as partners, not enemies, is more important than marriage.”
Should’ve Been More Careful
One commenter lectured OP, saying he should’ve worn a condom and been more careful.
A Redditor said, “Not the a**hole. You should never get married to someone you are not sure about, even if there is a baby in the picture. Seriously, you should have been wearing a condom. There are also s******* transmitted infections to worry about. Also, you need to be there for your kid. I don’t mean married or even dating the mom. The kid didn’t ask to be born and deserves to have a father.”
Some Redditors felt bad for OP and his girlfriend for going through this pregnancy with people pressuring them into something they’re not willing to do.
One person commented, “Not the a**hole, and your girlfriend isn’t either. She’s seven months pregnant, so hormones are a mess, and she’s got her family breathing down her neck and making her feel like s*** when she already has the intimidation of becoming a mother in there. That sounds like an awful situation for both of you. Her family is ruining what should be a time for you all to focus on what it looks like to be a family, together or apart, right now.”
Do you think OP and his girlfriend should get married just because she got pregnant? What would you do if you were in their position?
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This post first appeared as He Refused to Marry His Pregnant Girlfriend, Although Her Conservative Parents Are Offering Him $100,000 to Do So. He’s Not in Love, and Marriage “Isn’t for Him,” and Money Won’t Change That! on Quote Ambition.