This new mom believed she was entitled to her mom’s assistance just because she had a child and worked at the same time. But her mom and the community think she’s being irresponsible!
A Struggling New Mom
OP (Original Poster) is a 29-year-old with a newborn, and her maternity leave will soon end. So, she asked her 64-year-old retired mom to help her care for her baby once her break was up.
She explained, “My mom is 64, has been a homemaker and stay-at-home mom since 1992, and hasn’t been part of the workforce since then.”
However, once asked, her mom adamantly refused. She said she was too old and already done with this phase in life; after all, she’s already raised OP.
Maybe You Should Stay at Home
Apart from that, her mom told her that maybe OP should stay home to care for the baby like she did in her time. She could also let her husband provide for them like a “traditional” family.
She told OP that if she and her dad could make it work, they could, too.
The Couple’s Financial Standing
However, OP believed that she and her husband wouldn’t be able to make it if they were to be a one-income household.
She shared, “I make $55,000 a year but have $39,000 in student loans plus $20,000 in other debt—credit card, car loan, medical debt on credit. My partner makes about $36,000 and has $5,000 in credit card debt.”
She’s the Breadwinner!
OP said she’s the higher breadwinner in the family, so she really needed to get back to work. She believed she was obligated to do so because she had the most at stake.
OP also mentioned that she was the one who kept their family afloat for the most part. She added, “We are currently in a small, one-bedroom apartment in a metropolitan area and would need to save money to move to a two-bedroom once the baby grows up in a couple of years as we will need more space.”
She’ll Be Charging per Hour
OP explained everything about their financial situation to her mom. “When she heard about it, she said she would agree if she were paid $20 per hour.”
OP said her mom was also going to charge extra for late pickups.
Apart from her hourly payment, OP’s mom also asked her to provide stuff for the baby. She shared, “We must provide her with a car seat, stroller, bottles, and pretty much double everything we have at our home to compensate for taking the baby to her house.”
OP said her mom wouldn’t step into their home for personal reasons. She only did so once in the five years they lived there, and she was only 15 minutes away.
Spiraling Into Debt
OP is unwilling to pay her mom anything to care for her newborn. She wanted to save to bring down their debt.
So, she said, “I don’t want to pay her as much nor invest as much in double everything as it will spiral into more debt for me and my partner.”
She’s already considering daycare because she believes the overall cost will be lower. OP mentioned the daycare was also a little bit closer to their home.
Working From Home Is Not an Option
OP also said that, due to the nature of their work, working from home is not an option for either of them. There weren’t any other relatives the couple could ask for help because they all worked nine-to-five jobs like them.
She’s Not Doing Anything!
OP is 100% sure she should ask her mom because, per OP, “She’s at home all day long. Trust me; she does not do anything besides watch TV and cook meals.”
I Don’t Want to Give It Up
OP also added that she and her husband struggled to keep themselves financially afloat. She said, “I don’t want to give up my career that I’ve worked so hard for just to stay at home with an infant.”
However, OP clarified she wanted the baby and knew there would be sacrifices. Yet she doesn’t see herself being a stay-at-home mom like her mother was back in the day.
The Community’s Pieces of Advice
Redditors believed OP was acting entitled and irresponsible.
A top commenter said, “You’re the a**hole. Sorry to be blunt and rude, but maybe don’t have a child if you can’t afford to take care of them. And if your plan was always to go back to work, you should have discussed that during the pregnancy with your mom.”
She Has No Obligation
People also called out OP and said that her mom had no obligation to raise her child.
One user wrote, “You’re the a**hole. Your mother is under no obligation to babysit for you. Why are you having a child you don’t seem to know what to do with? And why have you not worked all this put before now?”
You Are Not Owed Anything!
Redditors also wanted OP to know that just because her mom raised her doesn’t mean she was also required to raise her grandchildren.
“You chose to have a child, not your mother. Your mother isn’t a free babysitter. She is right; she raised her children. Her babysitting on occasion would be kind and appreciated, but you sound entitled, thinking you are owed childcare,” said one Redditor.
Your Baby Is Your Responsibility
Users were also appalled that OP even had the audacity to be mad at her mother because of this issue.
One said, “Holy entitlement, Batman. Your mom is in no way obligated to care for your baby. It’s generous of her to be willing to do it for pay, and you have the gall to be mad she won’t do it for free? She is entitled to spend her life and free time however the hell she wants. It’s not her fault you’re in debt and decided to have a baby you can’t afford. The only thing she may have done wrong at some point along the line is raising you to be this horribly entitled.”
Was OP wrong to expect her mom to babysit her child for free? What do you have to say?
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This post first appeared as Her 64-Year-Old Mother Refused to Babysit Her Newborn Unless She Was Paid $20 an Hour. She Thinks She’s Entitled to Her Mom’s Help, but the Community Thinks Otherwise! on Quote Ambition.