A Redditor had found her dream graduate school program to join. The only problem was that she didn’t have the money, so she asked her father if she could use her brother’s unused education fund.
Using the Bootstraps
OP (Original Poster) is a 22-year-old woman whose dad had always put a lot of importance on school. He had worked his way through college because his parents couldn’t afford to help him out.
In fact, he had been forced to work multiple jobs while also being a student.
Not Bitter, Better
However, instead of holding that against his parents, OP’s dad used it as a learning experience.
He often tells his children about how important school is and how he had to miss many opportunities because he had been working, like clubs, sports, and more.
On the Edge of Tomorrow
OP’s dad had learned a lesson from his parents and started saving when OP and her brother were children. He had always been clear that if they could get into college, he would pay for everything, including “living expenses, tuition, and extracurricular activities.”
A Deal Struck
His words and promises were things OP had always taken to heart. Through the years, she also figured out that he was true to his word and had paid for everything to do with her undergraduate degree.
The Black Sheep
However, OP’s brother, a 29-year-old man, had been the complete opposite of OP. He had gone to college and dropped out his freshman year because he “didn’t like school.”
Grazing at Home
OP’s brother never left home, and he remained there without having to pay for rent or food. He did work, but his job had never been steady, and he relied on part-time jobs.
On the flip side, OP had just found her dream graduate program, and she needed more money.
With it being something related to education, OP’s father was overjoyed and offered to pay for her entire program.
What About Me?
When OP’s brother discovered the budget for her graduate program was coming from his education fund, he “lost it.” It turns out that he had planned to use that money to start a business with his friend.
Not According to Plan
However, OP’s dad disagreed with her brother’s plans. After all, their dad had always maintained that the money was only meant for education and schooling.
If her brother had only gone to community college, the money would have been his. Furthering his education was never in his plans, though.
No Rights to the Money
Since OP’s brother had not finished college, her father said losing the money was on him. It had never been her brother’s money to begin with, as it had only been meant for his kids’ education.
Not to Mention
Though her brother feels like everything’s unfair, OP noted that their parents have already been paying for her brother’s food and rent. OP “felt like he got a good deal” because he had been living at home his whole life, not paying bills.
OP knew that school wasn’t for everyone because some people don’t thrive in that environment. In turn, her father had also made it clear that the money he had saved would only be used for education purposes.
So, all in all, she didn’t see any problems with how things turned out.
Sadly, OP’s brother doesn’t think the same way, and he stopped talking to her after he found out about what was happening. He had also threatened not to attend any family functions in the future.
I’m Sorry, Mama
OP was feeling bad because her mom had been so freaked out over the whole situation. She felt like an a**hole because she would benefit by taking her brother’s education fund and wouldn’t have to go into debt to graduate from graduate school.
That Being Said
OP noted that while it has been causing her mother much stress, everything was up to her dad. In the end, it was her brother’s choice not to go to school for the past 10 years, so this was all on him.
What Redditors Think of the Issue
Reddit commentators came out strongly for OP in this one. Most noted that the problem was between her father and brother and didn’t need to involve her.
One user summarized the community’s general feelings about the story, saying, “Not the a**hole. Dad’s money; Dad’s choice. I don’t believe that everyone needs to go to college, and starting a business might be a great idea. But if your brother is still living at home and mooching off your parents, I doubt he has the drive to succeed in business. He doesn’t even work full-time, for crying out loud.”
Another pointed out a hard truth about starting your own business, saying, “Not the a**hole. It seems as though your brother was assuming the money was just his to use as he wanted. He should have discussed his plans with your parents. Your parents probably also realize your brother, at 29, has shown no adult responsibility and probably wouldn’t make it if he started a business.”
Leaving the Nest
Many Redditors pointed out that caring for someone for 10 years was not cheap, so OP’s brother had been benefiting from their parents’ money—just not in the way he had wanted.
One user summed it up, pointing out, “Not the a**hole. The only disagreement should be between your deadbeat brother and your dad. Even then, your dad’s position is completely reasonable. Living at home for 10-plus years likely costs your dad a fair chunk, and with the path that you have chosen, you’ll likely be able to live on your own and take care of yourself with your degree. I doubt your brother is taking that into consideration on how much money is spent on each child.”
A top commenter also pointed out, “Not the a**hole. Your brother sounds really entitled, though. He can be mad all he wants, but it’s your dad’s decision.”
What do you think about OP getting her brother’s education fund? Was she wrong for accepting, or was her dad doing the right thing?
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This post first appeared as Her Brother Refused to Let Her Use His College Fund for Graduate School, Thinking He’s Still Entitled to “His” Money Even After Dropping Out. Now He Isn’t Speaking to Her! on Quote Ambition.