This woman needs advice after her ex-husband asked her to pay for her former stepson’s surgery. The problem is, to give them the amount they wanted, she’d have to tap into her kids’ college fund!
Meet OP’s Family
OP (Original Poster) and her ex-husband, Carlos, were together for 16 years before they separated. Carlos had a son from his previous relationship, Dylan, who is 24 years old.
Then, OP and Carlos had three children together.
Being a Stepmom
Since Carlos shared custody with his ex-wife, Dylan had both parents present and active in his life. So, though OP never treated Dylan badly and always did her best to help raise him like her own, she always respected the boundary.
She knew she was only his stepmother, not a replacement mom. Given that, they had a great relationship.
Dylan’s Injuries
Five years before this story was posted, Dylan, unfortunately, got into an accident that broke his femur. Because of this injury, his legs are different in size, and he constantly feels pain.
The Divorce and OP’s Inheritance
OP and Carlos separated and signed their divorce papers three years before this story was posted. However, in a twist of fate, not two days later, OP’s father passed away, and she received a huge inheritance!
I’m Entitled to That Money
Needless to say, Carlos was quite affected. He told OP that he was entitled to the inheritance she received from her late dad.
This was the start of many arguments, but OP didn’t give in. She didn’t give him anything.
Spending Her Money
OP bought a new house with the money she got. Then, she left a fund for their three kids for college, which she said was what she saved for her retirement.
OP mentioned she didn’t leave anything to Dylan for his college education because his parents had already done that. When she asked him if he needed it, he said he didn’t.
Called In for Surgery
A few weeks before this story was posted, OP learned that Dylan had been called in for surgery to put a prosthesis on his leg. The surgery and other medical fees would amount to around $15,000, which OP said was a “gigantic” amount in her country.
Heart-To-Heart Talk
The day before OP turned to Reddit for help, Carlos came by her house to drop off their kids, and OP was surprised that Dylan came with them.
It turned out that Carlos and Dylan wanted to talk to OP. Carlos said his job was “complicated,” and he and his ex-wife could not afford the surgery.
Help Us!
They talked and talked, and OP said Carlos asked her if she could pay. He said he remembered that she had offered years ago to help Dylan, and this would be the perfect time.
Carlos also mentioned OP could loan the money to them.
$15,000 Is a Lot of Money
However, the money they needed was too steep. OP said it constitutes around 15% of one of her kids’ funds.
She added that it’s also money from her retirement that she won’t and can’t touch.
Doing Her Best to Help
OP had to tell Carlos and Dylan no because it was “too high a value.” Instead, she offered to give them $2,000 to help cover the costs.
However, they adamantly refused to accept anything but the $15,000.
Complicated Discussion
OP explained that since they refused her help three years ago, she had already made other plans with the money she was supposed to give Dylan.
Carlos and Dylan got mad and started screaming.
Getting Kicked Out
Though Carlos was the more agitated one, OP was already frustrated, too! She got p***ed off and took back her offer.
Then, she kicked them out of her house!
Judgmental Messages
Since their conversation, OP had been receiving messages from her family, Carlos and Dylan’s family, and even Dylan’s mom’s family. They were all saying that OP should help because the issue had something to do with health.
They also said she was inhuman for turning her back on someone she helped raise, especially since Dylan was in so much pain.
Insights From Redditors
For Redditors, Dylan, Carlos, and everyone else had no right to get mad at OP for doing what she did. It was her money, and whether she would use it was up to her.
“Not the a**hole. Anyone who calls you, ask them how much they donated for his surgery. No one is entitled to your money but you,” said a top commenter. Another replied, “Don’t you love how other people—flying monkeys—are happy to volunteer everything from your money, your house, and even your kidneys, yet seemingly never are willing to offer up any of these from themselves? It’s even more funny how all these people magically appear right after you say no. Block them all, as most people, when they don’t have access to something, will figure out how to make do without it. Not the a**hole.”
You’re Not Responsible!
The community also told OP to remain firm, as she should not be held accountable for this. Dylan had a mother and a father who should be caring for him; plus, Dylan is also an adult.
One wrote, “Dylan has a mother and father, and none of them are entitled to your money. You made an offer of money previously, which was not accepted, and that money has now been allocated elsewhere. You offered a contribution, and this was obviously not acceptable; they could have taken this towards the procedure but didn’t graciously accept and demanded more. You have no responsibility in this scenario.” Another Redditor said, “He is also an adult capable of working. Even work from home. With three adults working to save for his surgery, they should be able to afford it.”
What would you advise OP to do? Do you think she should hold her ground?
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This post first appeared as Her Ex-husband Asked Her for $15,000 to Fund Her Former Stepson’s Surgery. She Offered $2,000 and Refused to Use Her Children’s Tuition Money to Fund the Rest! on Quote Ambition.
