She wonders where her fiancé suddenly got his prejudiced notions about relationships when he’s never experienced it. If he continues to be like this, then maybe they’d be better off breaking the engagement!
Vows and Signatures
Several months before sharing this story, OP (Original Poster) and her fiancé got engaged.
However, before that, two years into their relationship, he was already talking about wanting a prenup.
Handling His Part
OP wasn’t worried too much about it, except when he was laid off before, during their first year together, she paid three months of rent for him. Usually, OP’s fiancé made and paid more, but then he got terminated from work, so OP had to cover his share.
She felt it was incredibly unfair she did that and that he didn’t pay her back but expected her to be completely fine with him not helping her in the future. However, for him, “men get cheated all the time with divorces.”
OP wrote, “I felt like he just saw me as a greedy gold digger even though we are both six-figure earners. I’m a technical writer and manager, and he is a programmer.”
Aside from that, she’s worried that his perspective is due to watching many Andrew Tate videos and other “interesting” stuff. After all, he tells her all the time about how men are getting “screwed” in dating and relationships.
On a side note, OP’s fiancé’s parents are happily married. His sister, who wed her college boyfriend, is also doing well in her own relationship.
Most of his friends are also in a good place with his partners.
No Record of Bad Experiences
On the flip side, OP is his second girlfriend. The first one was a high school sweetheart, and they broke up because they were leaving for different colleges.
Personally, OP’s fiancé has never experienced a “bad” relationship, and it seems like all his “women are screwing men” rants are due to consuming such content.
It Just Seems Questionable
To make it clear, OP is not against prenups, but she and her partner are almost on the same level financially. Additionally, neither of their families is leaving them anything substantial.
Forced Stay-At-Home Duties
The couple also wants to have kids, meaning OP has to take a leave from work, and he works more hours than her. With that, OP will probably be the one doing more house chores and taking care of their children.
OP added, “Even at home now, I do more cleaning.” She brought this all up with him, and he thankfully agreed with her.
A Year After
A year had already passed since OP had an agreement with her partner. However, recently, upon getting engaged, he brought up the topic again and wanted her to sign a prenup.
So, once more, OP explained to him why it wouldn’t make much sense and why it would be unfair to her, especially with maternity leave.
A Misogynistic Assumption
Unlike last time, he was immediately furious. He started complaining about “men getting screwed” in marriage and how after 10 years, OP could “cheat” and “take his money.”
OP wrote, “I’m pretty shocked and am thinking of ending the engagement, but am I the a**hole for not wanting to sign the prenup when it seems he thinks I’m going to screw him without one?”
The Community’s Take on the Matter
For online users, OP’s fiancé has proved himself to be disgustingly wrong for taking on the beliefs of a content creator whose main objective is to degrade women and is known as a criminal.
A commenter said, “Not the a**hole. Perhaps when he’s on his third relationship, he will realize that taking relationship advice from a s** trafficker was a bad idea.”
Another person replied, saying, “Well said. He won’t realize anything, though. The whole idea is that it’s always everyone else’s fault when the relationship ends. In Andrew Tate’s world, men are always the victims. If he gets to his fourth or fifth relationship and is still unhappy, I promise you he will still be blaming the women, not himself.”
Get a Lawyer, Girl!
Other Redditors gave OP advice regarding the prenup, saying she should get it thoroughly reviewed and make sure it will be a fair agreement if she still decides to marry him.
“Personally, his views on women and marriage here would be a red flag. The content you’re talking about is deeply misogynistic at best. If you do a prenup, make sure you and your assets are just as protected as his,” someone suggested.
Another Redditor said, “Why don’t you go to a lawyer and draw up a prenup that you consider fair and then present that to him? There’s nothing wrong with a prenup, but sometimes there is something wrong with a specific prenup. If it matters to you, then don’t leave it up to someone else to see to your concerns.”
Don’t Let Him Leave You Hanging
Some even suggested specific arrangements, such as OP getting compensated and distributing housework.
One commenter wrote, “Do a counter prenup that he has to do 50% housework and that when you are carrying his kid, he has to do more. Also, demand maternity pay.”
Someone else said, “I would demand half the cost of surrogacy, half the cost of full-time childcare, and all the cost of breastfeeding. I actually wouldn’t because I wouldn’t marry someone like this, but you get the point. It doesn’t even consider the potential promotions she might get passed over for having babies and requiring maternity leave.”
He’s Only Getting Started
The community also believes that OP’s fiancé will get worse as their relationship continues, and she should leave him as soon as possible.
A Redditor wrote, “You’re dating a growing misogynistic abuser and need to get out. He considers your money his. He considers his money his. Not a partnership. He considers domestic labor something you owe him alone. Men do not get screwed in divorces. Men and society force women out of the workforce to be stay-at-home moms, don’t provide any compensation, and then get angry when they have to support someone who only doesn’t have an income because they’re doing a wageless job for them. Andrew Tate is a literal s** trafficker. Nothing he says is interesting or worth listening to.”
The same person added, “People who go down the QAnon rabbit hole tend to go fast. One day, it’s comments you think you can shake off, and the next, you’re covering up bruises after dealing with a two-hour-long rant about how terrible and awful and disgusting you are and wondering what the hell happened. Take the red flags others of us had to learn through hard experience and get the f*** out.”
Should OP sign the prenup? Do you think she should break off everything instead?
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This post first appeared as Her Fiancé Is Forcing Her to Sign a Prenup, Saying “Men Get Screwed in Marriages.” He Sees Her as a “Greedy Gold Digger,” and It’s Just Unbelievably Misogynistic! on Quote Ambition.