This user was looking forward to buying a home, but when she realized her mother-in-law had decided by herself she was taking the master bedroom, she lost all enthusiasm about it!
A Happy Marriage
OP (Original Poster) is a 26-year-old woman newly married to her 26-year-old husband. They recently purchased a home together, and she was looking forward to moving in and enjoying their “strong, romantic bond.”
She noted they had always had “each other’s backs” and “supported one another’s choices,” that is, until they stumbled into a disagreement that felt “unsolvable.”
A Family Member in Need
Before their marriage, OP and her husband lived in a trailer for about three years. During that time, her husband’s mother asked if she could move in with them.
The current place his mother was staying was one of her other son’s properties, but he wanted to move into the home with his new fiancé and stepchildren, so she would have to move out.
OP said “yes” to her husband’s mother’s request “without hesitation.” She actually had to persuade her husband to allow his mother to live with them.
At the time, all OP could think about was how if it were her own mother asking for a place to stay, she’d say yes “in a heartbeat.”
Her Own Ensuite
When OP’s mother-in-law moved into the trailer with them, she got one side of the trailer where a room was “right next to the bathroom.” Since only the three of them were living in the trailer, and OP and her husband had their own bathroom in the other room, the other one became the mother-in-law’s own private bathroom.
Her mother-in-law having her own private bedroom and bathroom never bothered her. So, the arrangement worked, and OP said it was “pleasant” having her mother-in-law around in the trailer back then.
When her mother-in-law first moved in, her contribution toward rent they had agreed upon was paying for the groceries. OP and her husband “never expected anything” from her since she was family, so they didn’t care to collect rent money from her.
They were happy to be able to help her out with having a place to stay.
Strife Rears Its Head
As time passed and her mother-in-law got comfortable with her new living arrangement, she began to ask for things that OP disagreed with since she lived there for free. OP found it “odd” that her mother-in-law was “comfortable enough” to ask them to pay for certain living expenses, especially since she doesn’t work and refuses to work.
Cats Running Amok
Her mother-in-law started asking her husband to assist in paying for cat litter and cat food because OP’s two cats would sometimes use the other cat’s food and litter.
When OP heard about this, she went out and bought a big bag of cat food they could all use.
Special Cat Food
Her mother-in-law wasn’t impressed by this and told OP that she only uses a “specific brand of cat food and litter.” Because of this, her mother-in-law refused to use the cat food OP had purchased.
This left OP feeling “uncomfortable.” However, with time, she managed to move past it, and now her husband sometimes gives his mother a bit of money from time to time for cat expenses.
In Need of Bigger Accommodations
OP and her husband decided later on that they wanted to buy their first home and “settle down.” So, they worked hard and saved up their money.
They knew they wanted their families to move in with them, so they needed a large home to accommodate their “two mothers” and OP’s “one younger brother.”
Searching High and Low
Throughout their search for a new home, OP’s mother-in-law came along each time and would immediately seek out the master bedroom and say, “This is my room!” This left OP feeling “uneasy,” so she told her husband about this, but nothing was done about his mother’s “assumption of getting the main bedroom.”
OP noted that her mother-in-law has “bathroom issues” where she’s sometimes unable to “hold her bowel movements” and must run to the bathroom at random times.
Choosing a Dream Home
They finally found a house they were happy with and met all their needs, so they closed on it recently, but OP said it’s been a massive “emotional rollercoaster” to go through all this while also six months pregnant.
What was supposed to be an exciting and thrilling moment for OP had turned into an “anxious, depressing event.”
Convenient for Only One
To top everything off, her mother-in-law “grew upset” at the idea of having to move and instead wanted to stay in the trailer for a few more days. She wanted to visit her other son one last time before moving.
OP wouldn’t have minded except that it would cost “another month’s rent” for her to stay the few extra days. In addition to that, the commute from their new house to the mother-in-law’s other son’s house was around an “hour’s drive,” so she only wanted to stay in the trailer “out of convenience” to save herself 30 minutes of driving.
When OP voiced her displeasure over this, her mother-in-law became upset with her. She was already “anxious and annoyed” over the move, which exacerbated things.
OP mentioned there was already tension in the home, but now it was even worse. As someone who was “very sensitive to people” around her, the entire ordeal left her feeling “even worse about the whole master bedroom situation.”
The day they all moved into the new home, her mother-in-law “immediately took her stuff into the master bedroom without even asking if it was okay.” OP admitted they hadn’t ever said anything during the showings to correct the mother-in-law’s assumptions; OP was a “people pleaser” and had gone along with it the entire time.
Now, though, OP has realized that their bedroom seems far smaller than her mother-in-law’s master bedroom. On top of that, OP’s bedroom doesn’t have its own private bathroom, whereas the mother-in-law does.
A Mere Foot
OP has pointed these things out to her husband, but he responded that he “liked” their room and that it was also actually a “foot bigger” than the mother-in-law’s.
This did nothing to make OP feel better, and she admitted she’s still “bothered” that the mother-in-law got the master bedroom, and she now feels “uncomfortable” in her own home.
OP ended by stating she felt that her feelings would probably “heal over time,” but that right now, she feels “taken advantage of” and like she’s been “set aside” by her husband, who prioritizes his mother over her.
Pregnant and having to pee almost every hour, OP regretted going along with things and wished she had been able to “choose what room” she lived in, as a private bathroom would’ve been nice.
Redditors Chime in With Their Thoughts
The community was wholly on OP’s side and was aghast at how her mother-in-law pushed her around.
One user said, “Not the a**hole. You and your husband should have the master bedroom, but unless your husband has the backbone to stand up to his mother, life will continue the way it is, and your mother-in-law will continue to bulldoze you and your husband to get what she wants.”
“I never understand these people. This should have been nipped in the bud when they were house-hunting. For starters, they shouldn’t have taken her. But the first time she said she was having the master, OP should have said, ‘Whatever home we buy, we will be living in the master suite.’ And she certainly should have headed her off when she started to move in. It’s so easy: ‘Mother-in-law, I think you are lost, that is our room. You can choose any of the others.’ I kinda don’t feel sorry for OP since she let it get to the absolute worst point,” commented another.
Do you think OP should have stood up for herself and demanded she and her husband have the master bedroom? Should OP let things go and allow the mother-in-law to stay in the room with the private bathroom?
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This post first appeared as Her Freeloading Mother-In-Law Stole the Master Bedroom in Their New House, and Her Husband Just Let Her. Now She’s Pregnant, Upset, and “Uncomfortable” in Her Own Home! on Quote Ambition.