Her aunt saved her from drowning when she was three, so she has always looked up to her since. But when she came out a decade later, her aunt started to bully and guilt-trip her!
OP (Original Poster) is a 24-year-old woman who’ll soon marry her 25-year-old fiancé. They sent out the invitations a little over three months before she posted this story.
They mostly invited their families and close friends—basically almost everyone except her aunt, Linda. But to those who know them, it might be surprising that she didn’t.
Big Adventures for a Small Child
After all, back at the time when OP was just three years old, she went hiking on a trail with her aunt, uncle, sister, and a few friends. They stopped by a ledge with beautiful scenery to take pictures.
A Terrifying Accident
When her uncle said it was time for them to get going, being a stubborn three-year-old, she refused to leave. Her uncle had to drag her, and when he would let her go, she would run back for no reason at all.
The last time her uncle pulled her, she ran as fast as possible and fell 20 feet into the lake below the ledge.
The water was too deep for her, and she started crying out in fear. Everybody there started panicking, trying to find a way to get down.
Thankfully, her aunt, Linda, was quick on her feet and jumped into the lake to make sure OP was okay and helped her get to safety. OP has adored her aunt since then, but a few years later, that changed.
Hero to Abuser
Since OP came out as bis*****, Linda hasn’t even looked her in the eyes.
OP wrote, “She was a huge Christian and would call me slurs, mentally abuse me, guilt-trip me with stuff such as, ‘I saved your life, and you do this?’ She locked me in my room with no bathroom, water, food, or anything and tried to send me to a gay conversion camp, but nobody approved. She wouldn’t even take care of me when needed. I was only 13.”
Barred From Entry
Now, OP is engaged to her boyfriend of six years, and she’s “over the moon thrilled.” When they sent out the wedding invitations, word spread out about her wedding, and that’s when Linda overheard and realized that she wasn’t invited.
A Reaction in Exaggeration
Because of that, Linda went, in OP’s words, “ballistic.” OP read and listened to every single text message and voicemail her aunt left her, saying that OP was a “disappointment” to the family even though OP got into college as opposed to her.
Enough of This Toxicity!
Linda even baited her by saying she dreamed about OP’s wedding since she was a baby and guilt-tripped OP again about saving her in the past. OP couldn’t handle it anymore and blocked Linda on everything.
Family on Her Side
OP’s parents and sister were extremely upset with Linda and how she acted toward OP and didn’t approve of her behavior at all. But though there were relatives on OP’s side, the issue didn’t end there.
A week before sharing this story, OP had her bachelorette party, where Linda “invited” herself and had the “audacity” to bring a present. OP immediately tried to kick Linda out, but she manipulated everyone into letting her stay, eventually ruining OP’s evening.
Having Some Self-Doubts
Everyone except OP’s parents, older sister, and future in-laws treat her like she’s the bad guy.
So, she asked, “Am I the a**hole?”
What the Community Thinks
Per Redditors’ responses, OP wasn’t in the wrong. They believe that this shouldn’t even be a question OP’s asking because it’s clear that her aunt did terrible things to her.
The top commenter wrote, “Not the a**hole at all. Try reframing this question as, ‘Am I the a**hole for not inviting my aunt who called me slurs, mentally abused me, and imprisoned me when I was a child to my wedding?’ and you may feel less conflicted about it.”
The Aunt’s Responsibility
A Redditor pointed out that although Linda saved OP, it’s not something she should be praised for, as it was her responsibility to take care of a child under her watch.
A commenter said, “OP was a toddler in her aunt’s care. Not letting her die is kind of some bare minimum s***. All the comments are spot on about her aunt’s abuse, but I really want to reframe this part of the story, too. She took a tiny human with no prefrontal cortex to speak of to a dangerous place, failed to control the situation, and then, when she fixed the consequences, held it over OP’s head for the rest of her life.”
The same person added, “All throughout OP’s post, we can hear the echoes of how she’s been hit over the head with the story of how she was such a monster to get in danger this way, but OP wasn’t a ‘dumba**.’ She was three. Good job not letting the child in your care die, I guess, but even disregarding the abuse, holding it over OP’s head forever is some a**hole s***.”
Thoughts of Cruel Regret
Someone in the comments even stated that Linda might have thought or said something about letting OP drown at that lake because she turned out that way, which is just inhumane.
The Redditor wrote, “Not the a**hole. I suppose she’s already said something to the effect of, ‘I should have just let you drown when you were three!’ If she hasn’t said it, I’m certain she’s thought it. You do not owe her anything. She has spent way too much time and energy trying to force you to be someone you are not and bullying and abusing you in an attempt to make that happen. Not sure why the rest of your family let her do those things to you, but that’s a different issue.”
Your Life Is Not Hers!
People said it was nice for Linda to save OP from the accident that happened years ago; still, that doesn’t give her an excuse or a pass to abuse and control OP. Some even suggested OP hire security to avoid having problems at the wedding.
“Nope, I didn’t even need to finish reading it all after the first couple sentences of you explaining how she has treated you before the recent years. It’s nice that she saved your life back then, but that doesn’t give anyone the right to be abusive and not held accountable,” a commenter wrote.
Another one said, “If you read this back to yourself, you totally know you’re not the a**hole. Can you afford security at your wedding? Because you may need it. Not only for her but the other relatives you’re likely to uninvite soon. Yeah, nice she saved you, but you don’t owe the rest of your life to her. Hope it goes well!”
What can you say about OP’s situation? Was she wrong for not inviting her aunt?
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This post first appeared as Her Homophobic Aunt Saved Her Life Years Ago but Abused Her When She Came Out as Bi. She Banned Her From Her Wedding, and Now She’s Hijacking Her Bachelorette Party! on Quote Ambition.