She asked her husband to pay for half of their takeaway food. But he refused, saying that it’s her job to cook and she should shoulder all the bills if she can’t!
A Stereotypical Argument
OP (Original Poster), a 35-year-old woman, and her 40-year-old husband have very different jobs where she makes twice his salary. Because of this, her husband argues that she should pay for their takeaway food orders since she is the wife and it is “her role” to cook.
She wrote, “If I cannot cook, then I should make up for it by paying for takeaways since he already shares the split bill for food, groceries, and rent.”
An Exhausted Girl Boss
At the beginning of the month this story was posted, OP had just taken a new role as the department head at her work. She has six new staff members and a lot of loose ends to tie from the previous leadership.
According to OP, she and her husband wake up at 4:30 every morning. He gets home from work at around 3:30 in the afternoon, while OP arrives around 5:30 every afternoon—only if she had a “light day” at work.
Evident Contrasts
OP’s husband has a job that involves food processing, which is a laborious process. However, when he leaves his workplace, that’s the end of the day for him.
On the other hand, OP would come home and continue to work from then on, including weekends, until nine in the evening. After that, she basically just passes out from being too tired.
He Sure Is “Chill”
For OP’s spouse, home time means 90% being on his phone or laptop, watching videos and playing games, making coffees, and smoking his cigarettes.
OP added, “I am not going to lie and say he never helps. He does clean the bathroom and hoovers occasionally—once a month—and does the dishes. Not without complaining, though.”
Bragging About a Lie
A few months before OP shared this story, her husband had too many drinks and told everyone at the table that he was “investing all his money on her a**.” That’s when OP started downloading every receipt for groceries, phone bills, rent, Uber, takeaways, holiday trips, plane tickets, and more—basically all expenses she paid.
She wrote, “His argument is that some of those trips were things that I wanted to do or see, which is why I never reproached anything to him. However, the fishing trip that he wanted so much also came out of my own pocket, and I never asked him a dime for it.”
It’s Always on Her
The summer before this story was posted, OP paid $3,000 of her own money. In contrast, her husband didn’t contribute anything, and OP didn’t ask him to.
Aside from that, 90% of his clothes and shoes were bought by OP. She wrote, “The clothes and shoes he has, I buy them for him, which I don’t think was the situation where the wife had to max out her credit cards.”
He’s Basically a Freeloader
A month before taking the matter on Reddit, as they were mostly on holiday, OP’s husband only contributed around $200 for monthly expenses such as rent, food, and bills, which, again, OP did not complain about since she knew that he wasn’t paid for most of that month. Now, however, once he works, he refuses to give OP anything beyond rent, bills, and groceries, stating, again, that she is the “woman of the house” and that it is her “job” to cook.
OP wrote, “I told him that I am spread thin these days until everything is more streamlined with everything at work and that maybe he could cook every now and then or heat some ready-made food, but he asked me what was the point of him getting married if he was going to do the cooking himself?”
Voicing Out Her Concerns
Besides all that, when OP asked her husband about ordering, he did not mention that OP would have to pay for everything. In some instances, he was even the one who was asking OP to order food.
OP clarified that she only pointed out splitting payments in half when her husband started to keep money to himself instead of contributing to things they share. At this point, she felt like she was being taken advantage of by her husband.
Feeding His Own Desires
In fact, whenever he has some money, OP’s husband spends it on fishing gear, which he already has plenty of, or other gadgets. On the other hand, OP puts money into a savings account intended to go to a house for them when she’s saved enough to make a deposit.
She said, “I am not trying to play the victim card, but rather to understand if it should be me paying for the takeaways to compensate for the fact that I don’t have time to cook.”
All for Love
In an update, OP explained that she and her husband have separate finances because whenever he has access to some money, he just spends it on boilies, twisters, baits, and more—a red flag that OP is entirely aware of. Despite that, she’s still with him for one simple reason: she loves him.
She suggested counseling to her husband, but he only laughed at her face, saying she was crazy and that he doesn’t need someone else to tell him what to do when he already knows what he wants.
Sorting It Out
Eventually, OP and her husband decided that he would be paying one-third of everything they share, and OP would pay the rest. However, he will have to cook about thrice weekly during weekdays since OP cooks during weekends anyway.
OP added, “As for the rest, I think he is reconsidering his views about gender roles, as I’ve shown him what everyone has been saying here.”
Redditors Speak Their Minds
Redditors pointed out how faulty OP’s husband’s logic is. Since he wants to view things stereotypically, he should also fulfill his “role” as “man of the house.”
The top commenter wrote, “By that logic, as the husband, it’s his role to be the breadwinner and support you financially. But he seems quite happy for you to earn significantly more than he does. What exactly is he contributing to the relationship? Not the a**hole.”
Another person added, saying, “So many men want a traditional wife but don’t want to be a traditional husband. If you can’t earn enough for her to comfortably stay home without needing a job, then you need to be equitable in your relationship. Men who expect women to go 50/50 or worse, in OP’s case, don’t get to force gender roles on their female partners. Not the a**hole except to yourself for playing along with the ‘but cooking is your responsibility because you’re a woman’ nonsense.”
Words of Advice
Some people pointed out that counseling might be the couple’s best bet to save their relationship.
A Redditor said, “You need some serious marriage counseling, or your marriage isn’t going to last with his attitude. Personally, I would order takeout for myself and tell him that if he wants to eat, he can order his own food, but then I can get petty when a man pulls the ‘woman of the house’ card.”
Another one wrote, “Not the a**hole. However, your relationship is unhealthy, and you need to address that. This goes beyond buying takeout, unfortunately.”
Get Your Priorities Straight
Some users told OP to leave her husband and job as both are too demanding and bad for her.
“Change your husband and change your job. Waking up at 4:30 in the morning and then working until 9:00 in the evening is ridiculous,” a commenter wrote.
Another person added, “She wrote that she loves her husband too. Both the husband and the workplace seem to exploit her, though. So yeah, she should start setting boundaries for both of them.”
Is it fair and logical for OP and her husband to split the bills in half? What do you think?
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This post first appeared as Her Husband Demanded She Pay for All Their Takeaways, Saying It’s Her “Role” Since She’s the “Woman of the House.” but He’s Just a Freeloader Who Mooches off of Her! on Quote Ambition.
