This new mom only wanted to make her in-laws a homemade meal—just like her husband asked. But now, they consider her actions disrespectful and offensive toward their culture!
A New Mom
OP (Original Posted) is a new mom. She’s an American married to an Asian man and exclaimed that she’s happy their baby is healthy.
However, she said that she was absolutely exhausted. She added that she hadn’t had time to fix her hair, was barely able to shower, and could not sleep properly.
OP mentioned that her in-laws wanted to visit the baby as soon as he was born, but she was trying to hold them off as much as possible. After all, she wasn’t presentable nor in the mood to host.
So, imagine her surprise when she found them standing on their front porch the day before this story was posted! It turns out that her husband had invited them over for dinner—without her knowledge.
I’m Not Ready for Visitors
She felt embarrassed because of her current state and the current state of their house, which was very messy considering they have a newborn and haven’t been able to adjust to their new life yet.
OP also said she wasn’t ready to face visitors, especially “judgmental ones.”
What’s for Dinner?
However, OP didn’t have a choice because her in-laws were already there. So, her husband sat with them for a while while she fed their son.
Later, she asked her husband if they should order some takeout for dinner. She had no energy to cook a meal and thought some takeout would be okay.
Rude and Unwelcoming
When OP’s husband heard her suggestion, he immediately shut her idea down. He told her that they could never order takeout for his family because they would consider the act “rude and unwelcoming.”
A Homemade Meal Would Be Best
OP’s husband suggested she go into the kitchen and whip something up. He said anything was fine as long as it was “homemade.”
Even though she didn’t feel like it, OP went inside the kitchen and made some mac and cheese. She said she chose this because even though it’s “homemade,” it’s still easy to prepare.
When OP served the meal to her in-laws, her mother-in-law looked at her, appalled, and asked her if she thought it was “appropriate” to serve her and her family mac and cheese. OP knew something was wrong with the situation, but answered her mother-in-law and asked, “Why not?”
This Is Disrespectful!
Her mother-in-law was enraged with her answer. She told OP that she was being disrespectful and had no experience with what she should and shouldn’t do while hosting.
At this point, OP was mad, too, and said, “Excuse me?” In her post, she said, “Who said I signed up to host an expected visit from them, and she took it as an ‘I didn’t want them there.’”
Missing Out on Their Grandson’s Life
OP’s father-in-law stepped in and said they were just there to “finally” see the baby whom she “kept them from seeing for an entire month.” He also noted that it was a whole month of his life that they “missed.”
Their argument continued, and it ended with her in-laws going home.
Facing Her Husband’s Wrath
Sadly, OP’s husband took her in-laws’ side. He said serving his family mac and cheese was “worse than serving them nothing at all.”
OP then tried to explain her side and said that she was too exhausted to cook the “traditional feasts” that she was “forced” to learn from his mom.
Upon hearing that, OP’s husband lost it. In her post, she mentioned, “He took offense and said that I was being mean and disrespectful toward not only his family but his culture.”
Supporting His Family
After their fight, OP left and stayed in the room with their son. On the other hand, her husband was on the phone with his family for an hour and kept giving her the cold shoulder.
Then, he refused to eat anything she made “in support of his family.”
What’s Wrong With Mac and Cheese?
OP said she understands how some people might find what she did offensive, but she said she was trying to make a quick homemade meal—just like her husband asked.
She asked the community, “What’s wrong with Mac N Cheese?”
The Community’s Pieces of Advice
There were lots of Asians in the thread, and they told OP that what her husband’s family did was a far cry from what they knew of Asian traditions and cultures.
A top comment was, “This isn’t a culture clash—these people are just a**holes. There isn’t an Asian culture I’m aware of that doesn’t practice some form of postpartum confinement where it is expected that the new mother does nothing other than rest and bond with the baby. If they were so ‘traditional,’ they should have shown up with food, offered to clean the house and run a load of laundry while they were at it. Not the a**hole, by the way.”
Your Husband Is the Issue Here!
Apart from telling OP all about what her in-laws did wrong, they also wanted her to open her eyes to the fact that her husband is one of the people who is an a**hole in this scenario.
A Redditor said, “Girl, come on! The issue here is your husband. He has no right to talk to you the way he did—ever. Least of all, after you have just given birth to his child. You have a very long and hard road ahead of you. I strongly advise you to keep some money separate for when you need to leave. It’s very common for abusive men to really show themselves after they think they have their victim trapped. This is exactly where you both are.”
Do you also believe that both OP’s husband and in-laws were wrong? What would you tell OP to calm her down?
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This post first appeared as Her Mother-In-Law Turned Up Expecting a Feast When She Was Only 4 Weeks Postpartum. She Served Her With Mac and Cheese, and Got Called Disrespectful and Offensive! on Quote Ambition.