This hurting mom didn’t want to accept her son’s apology after he deliberately hurt her. Now, she turns to the community to ask if she has gone too far!
Her Situation
OP (Original Poster) is a mom of a 16-year-old boy, Troy. She and her ex-husband, Greg, separated 15 years ago.
She remarried and has been happily married to her new husband, Michael. Sadly, OP does not have an amicable relationship with Greg and his parents.
Unsolicited Comments
Her relationship with her ex-husband and his parents was so bad that they went ahead and told Michael some nasty things during previous custody exchanges. They said things like, “Best if you left; nobody likes you, and you’ll never be Troy’s real dad.”
They would also comment on OP’s job, physical appearance, and more—all in front of her son, Troy.
Family Dinners
OP then mentioned that Troy would have dinner at his father’s side every other Sunday. However, instead of being a fun-filled meal, his grandmother, Susan, would actively give snide remarks about OP.
Hurtful Words
She would comment—in front of everyone—how much of a “fat cow” she is, how she’s a “terrible mother,” and how she’s a “stupid b*tch.” What made this worse was that her son, Troy, and her ex-husband, Greg, actively joined in.
No One to Defend Her
Troy and his dad also made no effort to correct Susan or defend OP in front of everyone. They just laughed at her jokes, joined in, and made it seem like what she was doing was okay.
On the contrary, OP made it a point never to speak ill of Greg or his family in front of Troy.
No Remorse
In one of OP’s comments on the thread, she explained that Troy told her he was actively participating in it, and that’s how she knew this was happening.
She said she told him that she was hurt by what he was doing with his father. Sadly, Troy only responded by telling her to “quit controlling his free speech and to grow a thicker skin.”
Being Bullied
The night before OP reached out to the community, she discovered that Troy was being bullied at school. Troy told OP that he didn’t say anything to her because he believed it would stop if he ignored it.
OP knew better, and after many exchanges, she told him to talk to someone about it at school or she would do it.
Getting Mad
After she said that, Troy’s anger just exploded.
He screamed at OP and said, “Why can’t you be like Dad? He lets me fight my own battles! You don’t love me! If you loved me, you would let me fight! I hate you!”
Enough Is Enough for Her, Too
OP was caught up in all the emotions she was feeling, so she, herself, also responded to her son in a fit of anger.
She said, “Your dad not doing anything when his kid is being bullied is not what a good parent does! Ignoring this will not work. And don’t you ever say I don’t love you ever again. I went hungry so you could eat, whereas you sat there and made jokes calling your own mother a ‘fat b*tch.’ I know you hate me; it’s obvious.”
Walking It Out
After her confrontation with Troy, OP left and took off for a walk so she could calm down. She knew she exploded and didn’t respond to Troy’s outburst well, but she said, “I have had it with being his punching bag.”
She also mentioned, “Troy is a good kid, but he’s got a mean streak to him, and I am his target.”
Insights Into Troy’s Behavior
Case in point, OP shared the other times when she faced Troy’s mean streak. She said she’s often at the receiving end of his snide remarks whenever he sees her bring home one of the vintage owls she collects or even with her choice of wallpaper and furniture in her room!
Troy also says, “And to think, you graduated at the top of your class. Must’ve cheated or something,” whenever she forgets about something.
Trying to Apologize
When OP got home, Troy wanted to sit down and talk with his mom. He explained that he and his friends give each other s**t to express how much they care about one another, and that’s all he knows how to do.
He apologized to OP and said that even with everything, he loved her.
Not Having It
However, OP didn’t believe him.
She said, “I don’t accept your apology. You are very cruel on purpose, and if you loved me, you wouldn’t spend hours with Susan calling me a stupid, fat b*tch, week after week. That isn’t love; that is pure hatred. Now go get ready for bed.”
Damaged Relationship?
After that, Troy walked off and went to bed. He hasn’t said a word to OP ever since.
Now, OP is left feeling guilty. Was she too much? Should she have accepted his apology?
Redditors’ Opinions
Most stood by OP and told her that it was only right for her to be open with Troy about how he hurt her and what he needed to change about his behavior.
One said, “Troy is growing up to be his father, and you shouldn’t have to take that because you birthed him. The only reason why he’s apologizing is because he thinks saying sorry and making excuses is okay. He needs to learn that actions have consequences before he does this to the wrong person who won’t tolerate his form of ‘affection.’”
Straighten Things Out Now!
Another person also said that Troy’s behavior should be corrected as early as now to not start a domino effect of abuse further down the line.
She said, “You might be the target now, but in a very short time, it will be his partner. He will actively be emotionally and verbally abusive because he’s been taught that is okay. And beyond okay, that it is how you treat the important people—particularly females if he’s straight—in your life.”
What Do You Have to Say?
What are your thoughts on Troy’s behavior? How should OP fix this rift between her and her son?
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This post first appeared as Her Ungrateful Son Called Her a “Fat Cow,” a “Stupid B*tch,” and a “Terrible Mother,” Even When She Starved Herself So That He Could Eat. Is This Mother-And-Son Relationship Doomed? on Quote Ambition.
