This Redditor had had enough of her wife’s dad spouting hurtful nonsense about her and their relationship. She uninvited her from the wedding, and we think she’s right!
Their Engagement Dinner
OP’s (Original Poster) name is Jeana, and she’s a 32-year-old who was at her and her wife’s, Zoé, engagement dinner. They made a toast to new beginnings during the dinner, and everyone happily clinked drinks except for Zoé’s dad.
If Looks Could Kill
Instead of doing what everyone else was, he just stood there with his arms crossed. He was also “staring daggers” at OP!
What’s That For?
Jeana couldn’t understand what the look was for, so she looked at Zoé, who was busy talking to her brother.
Twenty minutes in, OP overheard a conversation at the end of the table where the “older people,” like their parents and grandparents, sat.
Jeana heard her mom say, “Excuse me?” Then, she heard Zoé’s dad say, “It just isn’t natural.”
OP immediately went over to them to ask what was going on, but the whole table just remained silent.
Then Zoé’s dad told Jeana that he was happy for them but “doesn’t like that she’s a girl.”
What Does That Mean?
She asked him what he meant by that. However, she didn’t expect what he said next.
OP wrote, “He told me our whole engagement was a joke.”
If That’s What You Want
Zoé’s dad started looking around for some backup. But OP just laughed at him and told him he shouldn’t come to the wedding if he felt that way.
You Can’t Tell Me What to Do!
After hearing what Jeana had to say, he immediately got upset and told her she “couldn’t tell him what to do, and he’s going to go anyway.”
OP is furious! She said, “I put my foot down and said, ‘No, you’re not.’”
I’ve Had Enough
Jeana shared that she’d been keeping everything in for years. Zoé’s dad had been talking down on her and Zoé’s relationship for years, but she wasn’t letting it go this time.
However, she now regrets what happened because, after the party, Zoé’s mom told her that her whole family won’t be attending the wedding. After all, she banned her husband.
Was I Wrong?
Zoé is also “extremely upset” with how everything unfolded. OP mentioned that she’d been crying since they got home.
So, OP asked, “Am I the a**hole for uninviting him?”
The Community’s Two Cents
Redditors said that OP’s not the a**hole. However, there are varying opinions on how she could have handled things.
One said, “Not the a**hole. Ask Zoé why she cares so much about people who do not love or respect her. Her father is h*********, his family members who are currently supporting him are h*********. And as hard as this is to hear, if Zoé can’t understand that, then maybe she doesn’t deserve to be in a relationship with you, as she doesn’t really respect you or herself.”
But another disagreed, saying, “This would be a breathtakingly cruel and hostile way to approach a woman OP claims to love—a woman who is currently facing a possible estrangement from most of her family. Asking ‘why’ she cares about her father is deliberately obtuse. The answer is always going to be ‘because he’s my father, and I still love him.’ That doesn’t just shut off immediately because he doubled down on his bigotry. That’s not how humans work. OP would have been much better off having a private conversation with her fiancé about his wedding invite instead of publicly uninviting him and pouring gasoline on the match. Now there’s a far bigger emotional mess to contend with, and her fiancé can no longer be sure if she can count on OP’s trust and support.”
Welcome to the Real World
Many Redditors agreed with that statement, saying that commenting on the thread differs from living in the real world.
“Absolutely agree. Anyone who is actually living in the real world and not ruling from the Reddit judge’s bench knows that familial and especially parental relationships are endlessly complex. It does not boil down to ‘Oh, you don’t like who I am? You’re out!’ This is the only family she has, and this decision is not something someone else can make for her unilaterally. Reddit will not be her family when she’s completely isolated. We are not just our s***** preferences, so there are a lot of complex emotions from losing your family for only one part of your whole being,” said one user.
People also had mixed emotions about what OP’s role should be. Some say she should support Zoé, while some say she was right to put her foot down.
This Redditor said, “The point is, it should be up to Zoé to come to that decision in her own time. OP’s role as her soon-to-be spouse is to assist her and support her in that journey, not to railroad her into it.” But another said, “Sometimes it takes your partner putting their foot down with reference to the abuse for you to really realize how toxic it is. I’d spent years making excuses for my family’s toxic behavior before my wife had had enough. This could be the catalyst for her family to reexamine their behavior; if not, it’s better for them to sever it now than deal with it for the rest of their lives.”
What do you think about OP’s actions? Did she go too far?
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