His dad made him feel “obligated” to lend him money. So, at some point, he gave in, expecting to be paid back in the future. But he couldn’t be more wrong!
Money Is Not an Object!
When OP (Original Poster) went to college years before this story was posted, his father originally paid his tuition fee. He told him to focus on his grades to get a good job after graduating.
During college, his dad didn’t mention anything about paying him back, and OP figured that he would just be paying it forward with his own kids.
An Employed and Responsible Adult
After graduation, OP managed to get a “decent job.” Soon, he was also able to save a “decent chunk” of money.
Down to the Last Penny
Then, a few years later, his dad called and told him he needed to borrow $40,000. He had second thoughts at first and was a bit uncomfortable with the idea since that amount was nearly everything he had saved up.
“In Debt” to His Father
However, his dad kept asking and promised to pay him back as soon as possible. OP’s father also mentioned that he paid for OP’s college tuition fee, saying that OP “owed” him.
For that matter, OP felt quite “obligated” to lend his father the money. So, he wired it to his dad, expecting he would eventually be paid back.
No End in Sight
But several years have passed, and OP’s dad still hasn’t paid him back. That’s when he started wondering if that would still happen.
Stripped off of His Financial Security
Later on, OP’s company went bankrupt, and he lost his job. Because of that, OP got stuck in a financial bind and started struggling financially.
So, he decided to call his dad and ask if he could start paying him back.
OP wrote, “He tells me that he can’t pay me back and that I shouldn’t even be asking for the money back because of the fact that he had paid for my college originally.”
Never His Intention
So, “retroactively,” it would mean that the money his dad spent on his college was a loan, and the money that OP “loaned” his dad years later was not really a loan but was just him paying for what he “owed.”
OP added, “This came as a pretty big surprise to me, and I pretty much hung up and haven’t spoken to him since—not solely for this reason, we had a pretty strained relationship. But this was kind of the straw that broke the camel’s back.”
Moving On, but Not Quite
OP clarified that his story happened a while ago, and he’s no longer struggling and has no intention of getting his money back. However, when he reminisces, sometimes, he feels guilty about it.
He said, “He did, after all, pay for my college education originally. Was it unreasonable for me to expect him to pay back the money I loaned him later?”
Redditors Speak Their Minds
According to Redditors, OP’s dad intended to get the money from him in the first place. So, he should’ve been honest if he wanted to be paid back for OP’s college fees.
The top commenter wrote, “Not the a**hole. He should have made it clear that he wanted you to pay him back for your college tuition eventually and that the $40,000 he was asking for was not a loan but you repaying him for college. If he had been upfront about it, that might have been another thing, but it seems like he was being intentionally tricky.”
The same person added, “I don’t know what kind of financial troubles he’s going through, but it’s pretty brutal to take your child’s entire savings under the false premise of paying them back and then lash out at them for expecting it to be paid back. Sounds toxic.”
Better off Without Him
The comments stated that OP’s father had no right to demand payment since it wasn’t clear what he spent on OP was a loan. They also said that if this is the kind of father he has, it’s better not to communicate with him.
Someone said, “Not the a**hole. If there was no clear indication that your dad loaned you that money, he’s got absolutely no right to then not to repay the loan to you. I don’t know if that’s enough to disown him; that’s solely up to you and your relationship with him. I can say, from personal experience, that sometimes you’re better off just moving on without certain people in your life. And that does include parents.”
Make Him Do It!
There were people who gave suggestions on what OP should do to get his money back.
A commenter suggested, “Not the a**hole. If anything, you should send him a bill with interest charges and, if he ever wanted to hear from you again, to pay it back in full.”
It’s in the Big and Small Things
Some Redditors shared their personal experiences on a similar matter, and one of them even referenced a movie to show how heartbreaking and cruel it is when a parent is that way.
“Not the a**hole. My dad did a similar thing on a smaller scale when I was a kid. I would lend him some of my money, and then when I asked for it back, he would talk about how he got me ice cream a week ago or something similar. Some parents just suck like that. The movie ‘Lady Bird’ addresses that feeling in an amazing scene where Lady Bird tells her mom to give her a number so she can pay her back and never speak to her again,” a Redditor shared.
Do you think OP was tricked by his dad? Would you still ask your dad to pay you back if you were OP?
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This post first appeared as His Dad Refused to Repay the $40,000 He Lent Him, “Tricking” Him Into Paying the College Fees He “Owed.” He Felt Deceived, so Now He’s Giving Him the Silent Treatment! on Quote Ambition.