This Redditor was hurt by his mom’s betrayal. So, even more than a decade after, he still couldn’t find it in him to forgive her. Was he overreacting when he banned her from his wedding?
OP (Original Poster) is currently 28 and is an only child. When he was 12, his parents divorced after his dad learned that his mom had cheated on him.
Breaking His Heart
It turns out that OP’s mom had been cheating on him with OP’s teammate’s father. This discovery took a toll on OP’s dad, who was devastated.
OP shared, “My parents were best friends and started dating when they were 17.” He was also profoundly affected by this and was so embarrassed, pushing him to move towns and lose friends.
Because OP played sports and his dad was his coach, OP admitted he had a “much closer relationship” with him than his mom. When they divorced, OP was supposed to spend one week at his mom’s house and the following week at his dad’s.
However, he was so mad at his mom that he would usually lock himself in his room whenever he was at his mom’s house.
Escaping the Reality
At times, OP would be dropped off at his mom’s place by his dad. But he would take the bike and ride a couple of miles back to his dad’s house.
He said he would even pretend that his mom was not there, even if she asked him questions face to face. He would literally “pretend like she didn’t exist.”
Getting Lawyers Involved
OP’s attitude toward his mom got so bad that lawyers even got involved, thinking that OP’s dad was trying to sway him against his mom.
However, OP said, “My dad encouraged me to spend time with my mom, but I couldn’t.”
Next, his mom tried putting them through therapy. But OP would sit there, not saying a word, until their session was done.
So, eventually, his mom gave up and just let him live with his dad.
15 Years of No Contact
OP hasn’t spoken to his mom in 15 years! However, even so, his mom tried weaving herself into his life.
He shared, “She would show up to my games alone. Sometimes I would ask my dad to tell her to leave. Sometimes I didn’t even notice she was there. She would try talking to me after, and I would walk right past her. I cut her whole family off except a few of my cousins that were around my age. She showed up at my high school graduation, and I asked a couple of teachers to remove her, and they did.”
The Biggest Mistake of Her Life
To OP’s knowledge, her mom never dated anyone else. She was still attempting to reconcile with his dad a few years before he passed.
He said her mom referred to it as the “biggest mistake of her life” and tried to beg OP’s dad to forgive her.
Losing the One Person He Considered His Parent
OP’s dad sadly passed away a few years before this was posted. Her mom tried to be present for the funeral, but OP met her outside and asked her to leave.
During this time, OP’s mom also met Rachel, OP’s fiancé. His mom then cried upon learning about his engagement and said she couldn’t believe that OP still hated her “this many years later.”
Trying One More Time
The week before this story was posted, OP received a check from her mom and a letter. In the letter, OP’s mom said she “couldn’t live knowing she wouldn’t be invited to her only child’s wedding.”
His mom added that her whole family is hurt by how OP “cut them off.”
OP found out that his mom had been “keeping tabs” on him all these years through his cousins. She said she did it “out of respect” for him but “couldn’t handle” not being there for his wedding.
Not Accepting Any of It
After reading the letter’s contents, OP ripped the check and sent it back to the return address. OP said, “She shouldn’t have even known my address, as I keep her blocked on all social media.”
So, he asked his cousins, who admitted that they’d been providing his mom with all the updates since he turned 14. He wrote, “Prom pictures, college updates, engagement photos, and they sent her my address.”
OP was so furious that he uninvited them to his wedding, too. He said he did it because he didn’t want his mom to get access to it.
He wrote, “Rachel is saying I’m going too far now, and uninviting my cousins along with freezing out my mom’s whole family because of her actions is an a**hole move.”
People believe that OP was acting like he was still 12 years old. For them, he’s the a**hole in this story!
One said, “I’m going to go out on a limb and say you’re the a**hole. Acting out as a 12-year-old is to be expected. Deciding not to ever forgive your mom is totally your right—though it was 16 years ago, and you, while affected, were not really the aggrieved party. The fact that you are still throwing tantrums like a 12-year-old at the age of 28 makes you the a**hole. I’d even go so far as to say your fiancé should consider this a pretty serious red flag. The fact that you can act with such hatred and spite over something that happened over 16 years ago and only peripherally involved you, to me, shows a pretty serious character flaw. At the very least, she should be concerned about what it would take for you to direct that anger at her and what form that anger would take.”
You’re So Unforgiving
Redditors wanted OP’s fiancé to rethink her decision to marry OP, too.
“Being engaged to someone so unforgiving and showing so little empathy, even to their own mother, would scare the s*** out of me. I would advise her to run,” suggested one user. Another said, “My thoughts exactly! I would be petrified to marry someone who was so unforgiving. Fiancé needs to run away from this relationship fast, and OP needs professional help to heal these open wounds.”
Do you also think he’s in the wrong? What would you advise his fiancé to do?
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This post first appeared as His Mom Cheated On His Dad With His Teammate’s Father 15 Years Ago, and They Haven’t Spoken Since. Now She Wants to Be Part of His Wedding, but He Refuses! on Quote Ambition.