This Redditor reflected on his new marriage when his stepson treated his son from his previous marriage cruelly. Now, he needs the community to act as his sounding board!
His Three Kids
OP (Original Poster) said he has two daughters and one son, whom he refers to as J, from his previous marriage. Sadly, his wife passed away shortly after their youngest daughter was born.
Not His Biological Son
He also shared that he had always known that J was not his biological son because he and his late wife split early in their marriage, and she admitted she had a one-night stand that resulted in J.
It was also clear in J’s features that he was not his. OP explained that, “He is White with light brown hair and green eyes. His mother was half-Indian and half-White; I’m Black.”
Still His Son, Nonetheless
Even so, OP considers J to be his son. He loves him like his two daughters!
He said, “I’m on his birth certificate; I fell in love with him the moment he opened his eyes. I love him like I do my daughters. I have never sat J down and told him that I’m not his dad.”
New Family Members
OP then shared that he and his new wife had been married for 18 months and that she also had a son from a previous marriage, whom he refers to as W. He said that he’s currently 15 years old and had been living with them for 6 months.
W initially lived with his biological dad but had problems with his stepmom. So, they’ve decided that W would move in with them.
A Difficult Adjustment
OP mentioned that having W with them was a difficult adjustment for the family, especially with W and J constantly butting heads. It turns out that W wanted to have J’s room because it was bigger, had a big TV and PS5, and because he was older.
A Stepmom Stepping In
OP’s new wife wanted OP to let J give up his room for her son. However, OP was not having it.
He said, “This was J’s room long before they moved in, and I’m not making J move rooms because W wants the room that is six feet longer than the room he is in.”
Two Boys Arguing
One weekend, after going on some errands, OP went home to see his son, J, and his stepson, W, having a heated argument. He then heard the cruel words that came out of W’s mouth!
W said that OP was not J’s biological dad, so he didn’t need to listen to him; he also added that J was stupid even to believe he was OP’s biological son. He pointed out the differences in their features—that OP couldn’t be the dad of someone as pale as J.
Never-Ending Love From Dad
OP could see how heartbroken J was by the revelation, and he spent the whole weekend trying to make him see how much he loved him. He said, “As far as I am concerned, he is my son.”
He also explained what had happened and would support J if he ever wanted to find his biological father. OP also added that nothing would stop him from loving him as much as he did J’s sisters.
OP was understandably angry at W, especially with the manner he told J the truth, so he grounded him for a month and took out the family’s game console, which only he and W use. Then, his new wife got angry at OP for taking it upon himself to punish her son.
She said it was not his right to punish W, and J would eventually discover the truth. OP said that she wanted him to unground her son.
Sharing the Truth
OP then added that he knew it was only right—and his responsibility—to tell J the truth. However, he said that it was his late wife’s request not to talk about things when she was still alive because she didn’t want their daughters to think less about their mother.
He also added that he was going to tell J the truth when his mental state stabilized. However, OP explained that he was in therapy, struggling to accept that his mom had passed away; he didn’t want to add to his pain.
His Wife’s Ugly Side
After OP’s initial posting of the story, one of his daughters asked him to change her bedding because she accidentally vomited on it when she was sick. While helping her, OP found pictures of his late wife hidden under the bed.
When asked about it, his daughter admitted that she kept them and pulled them out of the trash. She said she saw her stepmom throwing them out.
Trying to Replace Their Mom
OP’s daughter continued and shared that his new wife said she didn’t want to see any of their biological mom’s photos and wanted them to refer to her as their new mom. OP got upset when he heard this because he had already discussed with her prior that she was not to replace his late wife as his children’s mother.
He thought she understood that he wanted a partner in raising them, not a replacement.
In an edit, OP also added that he and his new wife did have a prenup and that it caused an uproar before they got married. He said that his new wife would be unable to claim anything—even the house—should they separate.
Ending the Marriage
OP ended his post by saying that he would soon be ending the marriage with his new wife and that he’d be asking her and W to leave. He stated that his priority would always be his kids—they would always come first!
He also said he’d be talking with J to help him through the process. OP also said he would help J find his dad if that’s what he wanted.
The Community’s Reactions
The community wanted to help OP understand the real issue behind W’s cruel revelation.
A Redditor said, “OP, you need to check your wife here. I’m adopted, and I can’t imagine anyone weaponizing that information against me—no matter the reason. Your wife minimizing your son’s feelings, undermining your authority, and downplaying her son’s actions are a big red flag. I get her son was having a rough time, but that doesn’t give him the right to hurt others; she should’ve supported you and instead dug her heels in.”
You’re Right to Rethink Your Marriage
People also agree with OP’s decision to reflect on his marriage. After all, it was entirely different for a teenager to act up compared to a grown adult.
One said, “What W did was outrageous and cruel; I’m equally bothered that he is trying to steal J’s room. While your wife may want you to discuss punishment with her, perhaps you should be discussing whether you want to allow W to continue to live with you.”
You Should Never Condone Bad Behavior
It’s good that OP could see a new side to his wife due to this issue.
This is backed up by a Redditor who shared, “He has a wife issue more than a stepson issue. His wife is the one condoning and encouraging this behavior; she wants to play favorites with her child at the cost of OP’s.”
What do you think of the situation that OP is in? Do you also believe he must first solve his issue with his wife?
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This post first appeared as His Stepson Told His Son He Wasn’t His Dad’s Biological Child. His New Wife Stepped in and Condoned His Stepson’s Bad Behavior. Now He Wants to End This Marriage on Quote Ambition.