A Redditor shared her frustrations online when her daughter got upset at them for not providing for her the way they do for her brother. It turns out the problem is bigger than it seems!
OP (Original Poster) is a 50-year-old mom with a 50-year-old husband. They have a son and a daughter.
Their son is currently 17 years old, while their daughter is 20. Both kids live at home, especially since the pandemic started and their daughter moved back.
Providing for Herself
Both parents encouraged their daughter to find a job while studying so she had her own money to spend while living with them. She’s a college student who has a full-time job during the summer.
However, OP mentioned she must find a new job once the school year starts.
Our Son Should Be Provided For
In her post, OP said she and her husband gave their son $300 as a shopping budget to buy new clothes for the coming school year.
She mentioned they did this because he didn’t have a job or money to spend.
Their son just celebrated his birthday. However, they don’t think it is fair for him to spend his money on things they should provide, especially since he’s a minor with no job.
OP’s daughter felt it was unfair for her parents to give her brother an allowance without giving her the same treatment.
Op’s Dire Reasoning
To explain, OP said they didn’t give her any money because she had a job. She felt it was not right for them to provide her with any money when she already had some to spend on her own clothes and other personal expenses.
Does She Have the Right?
It seems OP felt confused after her confrontation with her daughter. So, she asked the community if she was the bad guy for treating her daughter this way.
Working for What She Wants
OP clarified things and said that her daughter was not forced to find a job when she was her brother’s age. However, through this, she gained the money to spend on things she wanted.
Even though her daughter was still relatively young, OP admitted that she had spent a lot of money on their family and her brother, too. Since she had her own money, OP’s daughter was able to help out the family financially.
Ungratefulness and Entitlement
It’s not a child’s responsibility to shoulder her parent’s troubles. However, instead of being thankful, OP feels it is only fitting for her daughter to help them after everything they’ve done for her.
Is It Really a Resolution?
At the end of the post, OP mentioned that they’ve decided to give her money for clothes, too, when the opening of classes nears.
Are We the Bad Guys?
OP also explains why she thinks she and her husband might be the villains in this story.
First, she knows they’re not giving their daughter the same things they provide for their son.
Second, OP also thinks they’re not treating them fairly, though she believes it’s only right because she earns her own money.
What Does the World Have to Say?
A Redditor shared a piece of her mind and said, “It’s sexist. It’s favoritism. It’s deplorable behavior.”
She explained that OP has been showing preferential treatment toward her son. It’s also evident in OP’s story that they’re even rewarding their son for not working hard and being entitled.
Looking Through Rose-Colored Glasses
OP might not see it this way, but through her follow-up explanations above, we know she already has an inkling of it.
A user tries to open her eyes to reality by saying, “She had to pay these things since she was 16 because she followed your wishes and got a job, and just because the son refuses, you still pay him everything even when he is already older.”
OP might think it’s fair not to give their daughter an allowance, but one asked straightforwardly, “Where was this sense of fairness when she was 16 and paying for everything? For two years, while she was a minor, she paid for her own stuff, but you don’t apply this rule to your son?”
The user views OP and her husband as biased toward her son. They believe their daughter deserves better.
Time to Set Things Straight
With all the insights the community has provided OP, perhaps it’s time for her and her husband to change their parenting tactics. It’s never too late to set things straight; opening your eyes to your wrongs is the first step.
What advice would you give to OP to help her mend their relationship with their daughter?
This post first appeared as She and Her Husband Play Favorites When They Give Their Entitled Son Money to Buy Clothes but Hold Out for Their Hardworking Daughter on Quote Ambition.