This Redditor’s relationship with her dad blew up in flames the moment he chose his new wife over hers. Now, he’s upset, but he really has no right to feel this way!
A Replacement Mom
When OP (Original Poster) was 15, her dad married a woman she “just could not get along with.” Aside from this, OP also had a lot of “friction” with her daughter.
A Detrimental Choice
Eventually, the fighting between OP, her new stepmom, and her stepsister got “so bad.” At this point, OP’s dad told her he would “exercise his custody” at her grandparents’ house.
This led to OP being “banned” from her dad’s own home!
Stick To Your Choice!
When OP’s dad told her this, she decided that she wouldn’t be treated in such a way.
OP wrote, “I said thanks but no thanks and stopped seeing him as per the custody schedule.”
As time passed, OP’s dad attempted to “fix” their relationship. But no matter how much—or how little—he tried, OP simply wasn’t interested.
To This Extent
In fact, OP and her dad would only see each other at family events. When that happened, OP and her dad would be “nice enough” and civil toward each other, but that would be it.
New Home Situation
It’s been 13 years since OP was banned from her dad’s home. Now, she’s married and has a one-year-old child.
On the other hand, OP’s dad’s second wife died in an accident a couple of years before this story was posted.
Too Late for Regrets
OP “assumes” that her dad’s “lonely” now. Even so, she refused to be his “backup plan.”
Her only interaction with her dad happens once a month when he comes to see her son. Even then, they only meet and see each other at the park, and OP doesn’t engage much with him.
Let’s Be Frank
The December before this story was posted, OP’s dad asked her, “point blank,” why she never invited him to her home for dinner. In the same way, he wondered why OP never accepted his invitation to visit him.
So, OP told him the truth—what had happened, how she felt, and more. However, her dad became “very upset,” although it was the “reality of the situation.”
Now she asks, “Was I the a**hole?”
What the Community Has to Say
For the online community, OP doesn’t have to do anything she didn’t want to. It wasn’t her job to fix her parents’ mistakes.
A top commenter said, “Not the a**hole; people keep expecting us sons and daughters to be the bigger person and try to fix the screw-ups our parents did to our relations, which is something I do not believe is fair. Your actions are a direct consequence of his, and it’s his problem to understand and make peace with that.”
Parents Have a Big Responsibility
Others then chimed in, sharing their thoughts on the responsibility parents have on their shoulders.
One user said, “I keep seeing this—that some parents have expectations of the children that they would never deliver as parents. I know raising a child is difficult, but when you make decisions that can last a lifetime, maybe you’d think twice about it.”
Then, some Redditors found it appalling that parents like OP’s dad exist.
One woman wrote, “It infuriates me to keep reading these stories of parents who choose their new spouse over their kids! What the f*** is wrong with these people? I’m angry for every kid who has to go through something like that.”
Another said, “I got divorced when my son was about three years old. His father remarried nine days after our divorce was final and immediately moved out of state. I decided right then and there that my dating life was over for the foreseeable future. My child deserved to have a parent that was there for him 100%. He had a very finite amount of childhood, while I had the entire expanse of my adulthood before me. There would be plenty of time for dating or relationships after I’d raised my child in a happy, healthy, nurturing home. To me, it was a total no-brainer decision to make. I honestly do not understand parents who put their own needs ahead of their children.”
Overall, users supported OP’s decision, saying she shouldn’t have to give in to her dad.
One Redditor said, “I think it’s a generational thing as well—older generations thought of mental health, therapy, etc., as something shameful and adopted this, ‘You have to always forgive your family.’ Luckily, younger generations have been having therapists tell them, ‘Toxic people are toxic people—period.’ I read a comment on Reddit once that said, ‘You can’t set yourself on fire to keep other people warm,’ and I’ve tried to live those words since.”
Do you think OP’s doing the right thing for herself? What would you do?
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This post first appeared as She Banned Her Father From Her Home as Payback for Forbidding Her From Visiting When She Was Younger. He’s Furious and Lonely, but She Refuses to Be His “Backup Plan!” on Quote Ambition.