She Flat-Out Rejected Her Boyfriend’s Proposal, Saying She Couldn’t Afford to Lose Her “Only Source of Income” Coming From Her Ex-husband’s Insurance and Alimony! Was She a Selfish Jerk?

This Redditor rejected her boyfriend’s marriage proposal—all because of money! He was understandably upset, but she couldn’t understand why!

Endings and New Beginnings

Image Credit: Shutterstock / Sinart Creative

After 21 years of marriage, OP (Original Poster), a 44-year-old woman, divorced her 47-year-old ex-husband, James, 2 years ago. OP wrote, “My ex and I were fighting a lot, but the divorce was less litigious than expected.”

Shortly after the divorce, she started dating her current boyfriend, who’s 45.

What She Got Out of the Divorce

Image Credit: Shutterstock / Najmi Arif

Thanks to the laws in Massachusetts, OP stayed on her ex-husband’s group health insurance, but she would lose it the moment she or James remarried. Furthermore, because OP was a stay-at-home mother who raised their four children, currently aged 16, 18, 19, and 21, the judge ordered that she get alimony for life unless she, and she alone, remarried.

Completely Dependent

Image Credit: Shutterstock / Prostock-studio

Throughout her marriage with her ex-husband, OP was utterly dependent and did not have to work because James was a doctor. They also considered that she would never make enough to cover the cost of childcare for their four kids.

It’s Just Not Possible Anymore

Image Credit: Shutterstock / Cookie Studio

When OP checked before, she saw that if she had pursued her administrative job, she would have earned $17 per hour. It wasn’t feasible to make this income work then, and given her lack of experience, she might not even get $17 per hour if she worked now.

She said, “I have no chance of making even that now.”

Totally Against Marriage

Image Credit: Shutterstock / Krakenimages.com

Lucky for her, James hates the idea of marrying again more than he hates OP still being covered by his health insurance policy.

James’s exact words were, “Well, luckily for you, it’s not emotionally or financially cost-effective for me to marry just to get you off my health insurance.”

The Man of Her Dreams

Image Credit: Shutterstock / Monkey Business Images

So, now, the problem has something to do with OP’s current relationship. OP and her boyfriend are totally in love, and in many ways, she wishes she had met him first.

Compared to her ex-husband, her boyfriend is empathetic and values a healthy balance between work and personal life, so he would not be the type to be at work 24/7.

The Bare Minimum

Image Credit: Shutterstock / Dean Drobot

Despite how very much in love they are, OP and her boyfriend don’t live under the same roof. Aside from giving small gifts to each other, they also pay for themselves.

An Inevitable Proposal

Image Credit: Shutterstock / fizkes

Everything was going well until they had a pregnancy scare, and since then, her boyfriend has changed. He told OP that he wanted them to live together if she ever got pregnant; he doesn’t want to live like “two divorced parents.”

This was also OP’s boyfriend’s turning point, leading him to propose to OP!

It’s a No for Her

Image Credit: Shutterstock / Mix and Match Studio

OP got upset and turned down her boyfriend’s proposal. For her, putting love aside, the marriage would jeopardize her only source of income—the alimony and health insurance!

A Downgrade for the Family

Image Credit: Shutterstock / fizkes

She could not determine why her boyfriend was upset and didn’t understand her for rejecting him. Marrying and living together would mean they would rely on his salary as a case manager at a non-profit organization, which would only be half of the income OP is currently living on.

OP believed that doing so would inevitably lead to some “tension” on both sides.

There’s Really No Other Way

Image Credit: Shutterstock / Roman Samborskyi

Moving in together was also not an option for them. According to OP, “The archaic family court laws would see that and assume that my boyfriend and I would be sharing finances or I would be in some supported by my boyfriend by the fact of us moving in together.”

OP noted that if she wouldn’t lose her benefits, she’d gladly move in with him and accept his proposal.

Redditors’ Opinions on the Matter

Image Credit: Shutterstock / Boumen Japet

There is a mix of opinions among Redditors, and many have disagreed with OP. While they may think she’s not at fault, they still believe she’s in the wrong.

“I love how you call it an archaic law that is preventing you from living with your boyfriend, but this is the same law that you are taking advantage of, to the extent of not marrying the person that you want to live with and play house with. I’m a supporter of alimony to stay-at-home moms, but you can’t have it both ways. Not the a**hole, but realize that you are choosing money over your boyfriend. I don’t blame him for having a gigantic issue with that,” one commenter said.

Another Redditor added, “My favorite part of the post is that she’s fully dependent on her ex-husband’s income, yet she is still throwing jabs at her ex-husband for working a lot.”

Questionable Decisions

Image Credit: Shutterstock / Krakenimages.com

Some people doubted her decisions and questioned why she would rely solely on her ex-husband financially.

One person commented, “Your kids are all old enough not to need a stay-at-home mom. Why not go back to school, get training, get a job? If your ex dies or becomes disabled and unable to pay alimony, you would be screwed as things are. If your boyfriend is employed and has health insurance, when you get married, his health insurance would then be updated to cover you and your kids.”

You Need to Think Straight!

Image Credit: Shutterstock / Roman Samborskyi

Some comments focused on advising OP, reminding her of things she should be mindful of.

A Redditor said, “Not your attorney, but you should be aware that your ex-husband can still file for a modification when he reaches retirement age regardless of the fact that you were married for 20-plus years. You might not be set for life. I’d make sure that you’re saving for your own retirement funds.”

“You better use that health insurance to get your tubes tied. Another baby is the last thing you need, especially at 44,” another comment suggested.

Was OP wrong for rejecting her boyfriend’s proposal? What can you say about this?

More From Quote Ambition

Image Credit: Shutterstock / Krakenimages.com

This Redditor turned to the community for advice after being called out for being a horrible woman for not wanting to raise a baby born from her ex-husband’s affair. Was she wrong to refuse?

She Refused to Raise an Affair Baby After Her Ex-husband and Wife Died. Now Her Former Mother-In-Law Calls a “Horrible, Evil Woman!”

An Entitled Woman Refused to Vacate His Assigned Seat on a Five-Hour Flight. So, He Kicked and Yanked the Chair Every Two Minutes, Ensuring There’s “Extra Turbulence” All Flight Long!

Image Credit: Shutterstock / Krakenimages.com

He got annoyed when a woman wouldn’t budge and get off his assigned plane seat, saying she was “already comfortable.” So, he devised a plan to make sure she’d regret every second of it!

An Entitled Woman Refused to Vacate His Assigned Seat on a Five-Hour Flight. So, He Kicked and Yanked the Chair Every Two Minutes, Ensuring There’s “Extra Turbulence” All Flight Long!

She Left Her Cousin’s Wedding and Took Her $1,000 Gift Back After the Groom’s Family Ruined Her Dress for Being “Inappropriate.” They Want the Money Back, but It’s Too Late

Image Credit: Shutterstock / Krakenimages.com

OP (Original Poster) was stoked to attend her favorite cousin’s wedding. However, little did she know it would become one of the worst experiences of her life yet!

She Left Her Cousin’s Wedding and Took Her $1,000 Gift Back After the Groom’s Family Ruined Her Dress for Being “Inappropriate.” They Want the Money Back, but It’s Too Late

A Woman Noticed Their Security Cameras Glitched Only When Her Husband Was Home Alone. He Flipped Out After Being Confronted, but She Wants to Get to the Bottom of Things!

Image Credit: Shutterstock / Krakenimages.com

This Redditor’s home security cameras kept on glitching whenever her husband was home alone. Suspicious of what was causing this, she asked her husband, but instead of remaining calm, he got defensive!

A Woman Noticed Their Security Cameras Glitched Only When Her Husband Was Home Alone. He Flipped Out After Being Confronted, but She Wants to Get to the Bottom of Things!

He Begged His Neighbors to Extinguish Their Fire So His Dying Dog Could Spend One Last Day Outdoors, but They Showed No Sympathy. So, He Ensured They Learned Their Lesson!

Image Credit: Shutterstock / Shift Drive

He only wanted to give his dog a day in his backyard before putting her down. However, things didn’t go as planned when his neighbors decided to light a fire so close to them!

He Begged His Neighbors to Extinguish Their Fire So His Dying Dog Could Spend One Last Day Outdoors, but They Showed No Sympathy. So, He Ensured They Learned Their Lesson!

This post first appeared as She Heartlessly Rejected Her Boyfriend’s Proposal Just Because She Feared Losing Her “Only Source of Income” That Came From Her Ex-husband’s Health Insurance and Alimony. Was She a Selfish Jerk? on Quote Ambition.

Read Next:

Karen Danao

Hi, I’m Karen, a content curator and writer for Quote Ambition; I’m also a marketing and advertising professional. Beyond the keyboard and the screen, I’m someone who’s out to enjoy every bit that life has to offer!

Poetry, philosophy, history, and movies are all topics I love writing about! However, my true passion is in traveling, photography, and finding common ground to which everyone from different cultures can relate.

With the many places I’ve been to, I found that love, inspiration, and happiness are some things that bring people together. No matter how different we are on the outside, I’m a true believer that our emotions don’t lie; if you dig deep into our psyche, we’re all the same inside.

This belief was further amplified when I joined Quote Ambition. Through the quotes I’ve read, collected, organized, and written about, I found that humans are resilient, creative, and compassionate.

We take from each others’ hearts and courage, and it’s through our individual experiences that we learn how to rise above our challenges and pain. In so many ways, Quote Ambition is a platform that allows people from all over the world to gain the inspiration they need anytime, anywhere!

You can find me on MuckRack and LinkedIn.