She genuinely believed her entire family loved her brother, but she thought wrong. Never did it cross her mind that her daughter would be so against him she’d call him something so insulting and offensive!
Her Beloved Brother
OP (Original Poster), 40, has a 31-year-old brother, L, who’s disabled. He was born with a condition that made him not have a chin and jaw.
OP wrote, “He is genuinely my best friend.”
The month before OP shared this story, her mother passed away. L took it the hardest because she was the one who took care of him.
She had cancer, so they had time to discuss any wishes OP’s mother had and one of them was for OP to let her brother with her, and she agreed. She then added an extension to the side of her house for L so he would have his own space and she could always look out for him.
Buddies and Playmates
Fortunately, OP’s family has always been close with her brother as he would stay with them when OP’s mom was away. OP’s 11-year-old son adores L, and they are always doing fun stuff together, such as sports and gaming.
OP thought her 20-year-old daughter, B, felt the same way because she and L often have Mario Kart tournaments together. L has even convinced OP and her husband to give B a little more independence!
However, two nights before OP posted on Reddit, B came home late from a party with her friend. Whenever B is out, OP always stays up, making sure her daughter gets home safely.
As B and her friend entered the house, OP heard her daughter say, “We need to be quiet so we don’t wake my ‘R slur’ uncle up.” OP thought she was imagining things because she and her husband never raised their children to say such horrible things.
Her daughter’s comment brought up memories from childhood when she defended L against all the horrible and cruel people who stared and made fun of him. So, hearing B allude that her brother’s a “retarded slur” really enraged her!
With that, OP got out of bed and asked B to repeat what she said. From the look on her daughter’s face, OP could tell B never thought her mom would hear what she had to say about her uncle.
OP wrote, “I asked how she could say something so cruel about her own uncle; that this is not how she was raised, and at 20, she should know how awful that is. And if she thought saying that to her friend made her look cool, she was wrong. That she made herself look like an insecure bully.”
Too High of a Pride
Even then, B didn’t apologize and just said nobody was supposed to hear that and it’s “not a big deal.” So, OP asked B’s friend if her parents were okay with her having friends stay over, and she said yes.
With that, OP told her daughter to leave and stay at her friend’s house.
A Sister Before a Mother
B said OP was meant to take her side because she’s her mom. However, OP just retorted by saying she’s been L’s sister longer than she’s been her mother.
OP wrote, “B didn’t think I was serious. I’ve always been a calm parent, and I have never told her to leave the house before.”
Even though she kicked her daughter out, OP had every intention of having B back home. She just needed her to learn a lesson: that her behavior would not be tolerated.
OP then apologized to B’s friend for putting her in that situation and gave her taxi money.
A day later, OP called B, hoping she understood and realized her mistake, but she didn’t; instead, she was unhappy that OP took L’s side over hers. OP told B to come home so they could have a proper discussion, but her daughter refused.
OP said, “I have been in touch with her friend, and B is still staying with her, so at least she’s safe. My husband said I was too harsh, but there’s still that protective big sister rage in me. Am I the a**hole?”
Redditors’ Opinions and Thoughts
People agreed with the way OP taught her daughter a lesson because it’s definitely unacceptable to say such a word to anyone.
The top commenter wrote, “Not the a**hole. Your daughter was horrible to someone she supposedly loves and has fun with regularly. I would’ve done the same thing, probably forced her to write an apology letter. It deeply concerns me that she doesn’t see what the problem is. The disabled victim seems to have stood up for your daughter, which makes this all the more heartbreaking. This behavior will backfire on her eventually. You’re being quite kind, in my opinion.”
Only Time Will Tell
One Redditor commented that maybe OP’s daughter already understands what her mistake was but just didn’t want to apologize and lower her pride.
Someone said, “Not the a**hole. I think she understands it but is still too proud to accept what she said was wrong. Give her a couple of weeks and a month, and it will sink it sometime.”
You Picked a Side
However, many people also criticized OP for telling her daughter she’s “a sister longer than she’s a mother” because the statement implies that she would always choose her brother over anything.
A Redditor commented, “Everyone sucks here. Your comment on knowing your brother longer was not a good comment to make. It shows you would always pick your brother. Instead of teaching your daughter that just because you are her mom doesn’t mean you will back up her hurtful comments. All you did was probably create resentment towards your brother. Your daughter obviously sucks on her comment.”
Another one wrote, “Yes, your daughter was out of order and cruel, but you openly told her you chose your brother over her. Maybe she was feeling insecure with him being there more and you spending less time together. You did say he’s your best friend. You rejected her and threw her out in the middle of the night. I hope you manage to fix things.”
What can you say about OP’s situation? Who do you think was wrong?
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This post first appeared as She Mercilessly Kicked Her Daughter Out After She Overheard Her Call Her Disabled Brother a “Retarded Slur.” She’s an “Insecure Bully” Who Needs to Learn Her Lesson! Was She Unfair? on Quote Ambition.