This Redditor had had a messy couple of years, but she’ll never regret having her child. When her affair partner suddenly showed up, she decided she’d do anything to keep her baby away from him!
Unofficially Separated
OP (Original Poster) is currently 28 and had an extramarital affair years ago. During that time, she and her husband had been having some issues.
He’d been unfaithful, and they hadn’t lived in the same house for two months. They were “essentially” separated.
Anger, Betrayal, and More
OP was understandably angry. She was furious, numb, and felt betrayed.
One day, she met a man, Corin, and he was “nice and funny.” They went out for drinks, and one thing led to another, and they had a one-night stand.
Feeling Weighed Down
She didn’t enjoy what she did, nor did she feel comforted. OP wrote, “We had the most disappointing s** ever,” and she just felt worse.
OP planned on getting the morning-after pill the next day but couldn’t since she found out her grandmother was at the hospital. Then, she essentially forgot about the whole thing.
Working Things Out Through Therapy
Around three and a half months later, OP and her husband started working things out in therapy. She told him about the affair, and they moved on; she never lied about anything.
Since then, their marriage has been “stronger” and “happier.” They were enjoying raising their son together, and things were perfect for a while.
Unexpected Pregnancy
However, OP soon discovered she was pregnant, and the timing coincided with her affair with Corin. She told her husband about it, then tried to do the right thing by notifying Corin.
They met and had coffee, but Corin suddenly took out $500 and told OP to get the baby aborted. He also gave OP a “bunch of research” about having children from different fathers.
Taking the Initiative
Corin refused to take responsibility for the child, so much so that he was the one who set up an appointment for OP at the clinic to get the baby aborted.
OP wrote, “He said he wasn’t ready to be a father and to get rid of it.”
So Sure of His Decision
During their conversation, Corin also told OP that he didn’t want to be a father and didn’t want his family to find out about a child born out of wedlock. OP knew the baby’s gender, so she told Corin about it, hoping it would stir something in him.
However, nothing worked. After their meeting over coffee, Corin kept sending OP several texts and voicemails, telling OP she “needed to terminate” the pregnancy.
A Mother’s Love
On the day of the appointment, OP went to the clinic as scheduled. However, though it was a child created from an affair, she couldn’t bring herself to end her baby’s life.
She essentially ran out of the clinic to avoid going through with the abortion. OP shared, “I tried to call him, and he had blocked me on every platform. I tried calling from different numbers, but nothing. I eventually got the hint.”
Raising Her Daughter
OP noted that her husband is a “great guy” who supported her in whatever decision she made. He even offered to raise the baby, especially after OP couldn’t bring herself to go through with the abortion.
A Dad in Every Sense That Mattered
When OP’s daughter was born, her husband signed the birth certificate, labeling him as the child’s father.
She shared, “My husband and I were friends, and we both made terrible mistakes. We own that. I never asked him to sign the birth certificate; he made that choice and has been the best father.”
A Surprise Meeting
Now OP’s daughter is two years old. When she and her daughter were at the grocery store, they suddenly bumped into OP’s old affair partner.
OP shared, “He saw my daughter and is now wanting contact. He said that the baby looks like him and is very upset that she exists.”
Vicious Reaction
At that point, OP didn’t tell Corin anything about her daughter’s paternity. She made sure to find and talk to a lawyer first.
OP also does not want Corin anywhere near her daughter. She wrote, “With how he reacted when he saw her, it was anger—almost violent. I am not letting my daughter anywhere near that temper.”
Selfish Reasons
OP noted that Corin wasn’t contacting her to get to know his daughter. He’s only doing so because of his parents.
She said, “He only wants her because his parents don’t have grandchildren. The messages never state he wants to bond or interact. It always states that the grandparents want to meet her.”
OP’s Priority
Everything is a mess, but OP had been silent toward Corin. She has never confirmed or denied anything and will only do so once a court order has been issued.
OP wrote, “Until everything is solved in court, I am not going to issue contact. My husband signed the birth certificate. He is her father. I would have gladly returned his money if I knew where he was at the time. So there’s that. I only made this post as a way to vent. At this point, my daughter is the most important person, and her well-being is and will be the priority.”
What Users Have to Say
Redditors told OP that if she were in the US, many states would have laws stating that her daughter’s biological dad didn’t have any rights since her husband is the one on the birth certificate.
One said, “If I remember right, if the husband refuses a DNA test or to give up his rights, then the biological dad is pretty much s*** out of luck.”
“The biological father does not have rights if OP’s husband is on the birth certificate,” commented another user.
The Default Laws
While some said the biological dad could demand a DNA test, knowledgeable Redditors explained that it was not how the system works.
A user wrote, “The court doesn’t do paternity tests because it cares about DNA. It does paternity tests to assign a father legal and financial responsibility when there isn’t one. By law, that’s the husband. The husband knowingly accepted paternity and did not dispute it. He had a right to dispute it for up to one year. The law favors marriage. These laws are older than DNA testing. It will be difficult to get a judge to demand a paternity test. The affair partner could have shown up around the time the baby was born to see what happened and what didn’t. He didn’t want to take responsibility, and another man took responsibility. The law sees no benefit in disrupting that.”
The same person explained, “What most of you don’t seem to understand is the difficulty of getting a court to order a test in a case where paternity has been legally established. In the circumstances, it is seen as an intrusion and a challenge to a situation that is already established. If a test is ordered, then however the matter proceeds depend on the court and the laws and handling of the DNA. Too many of you assume getting a DNA test is easy, and it’s not if the couple refuses to participate.”
Do you think OP’s daughter’s biological father is a threat? What should she do now?
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This post first appeared as She Refused to Abort Her Affair Child and Decided to Raise Her With Her Husband. Her Affair Partner Found Out and Is Livid That She Lied and Kept the Baby! on Quote Ambition.
