This user used to always ask to babysit her grandchild, but her son would refuse, citing her home as being “unsafe.” Now he’s divorced and knows the girl’s not biologically his, but it’s too late!
Nothing Is Alright
OP (Original Poster) has a son who married a woman named Emma. When they had a kid, he had some suspicions that the child wasn’t biologically his, so he made sure they got tested.
Worst Fears Confirmed
The DNA test came back and proved the child wasn’t his. However, at this point, OP’s son’s name was on the birth certificate, and he had grown to love the child.
So, her son decided to keep raising her as his own daughter.
Sadly, while OP’s son was married, she wasn’t allowed to babysit her grandkid. She would ask the couple to allow her to do so, but they would always say no.
Out of Town
OP lived on a farm, and her son had married and moved into the city. Because of this, they cited her home as being “unsafe” due to horses and said they didn’t trust her to watch their kid.
Already a Mother
However, OP had already raised four children in her “unsafe home” without a problem. This included her son, who no longer thought it was safe, even though everything dangerous had been locked up or stored.
She added, “I’ve watched my other grandkid, and there have been zero issues.”
The Space Between
What was worse, they wouldn’t even bring their daughter to the family Christmas or other family events. They would even do this with all of her son’s siblings, keeping the family from being together.
OP knew that country living was different from city living, but it had hurt her feelings a lot that even her own son thought his way. Her other kids had a strained relationship with their brother over it, too.
OP and her other children believed that her son had moved to the big city and now looked down on them. All of this was because he had gotten a high-paying city job, and they were still living a rural life.
She wrote, “I know I am more country than them, but it hurt a lot.”
Trouble in Paradise
But as fate would have it, OP’s son and Emma never made it to forever, and they divorced. They split custody of the kid, so they each have her 50% of the time.
Hurt by the past, OP made it clear to her son when he got divorced that she wouldn’t babysit his daughter. Additionally, OP didn’t feel connected to the child because there was no blood relation.
Before the Truth Came Out
OP also noted that her son hadn’t let her watch the kid before when he had thought he was the biological father. She thought it was wrong that he would allow her to now that he knew she wasn’t his biological daughter.
She told him, “She’s not my grandkid, and you made it clear I wasn’t good enough to babysit when you thought she was your kid.”
The Utter Audacity!
When OP said this to her son, it created a huge fight. It had gotten so bad that OP’s son accused her of being “awful.”
Good Enough Now?
However, OP believes the only reason her son would let her watch the kid now was that he didn’t want to have to parent. Once his ex-wife left his life, he asked her to watch the kid all the time and didn’t even care if the house was safe or not.
The Community’s Two Cents
Almost all the Redditors who commented backed OP up, saying it was her son’s fault.
A common sentiment was expressed best by one Redditor who said, “Not the a**hole. He can’t just burn bridges and wonder why he can’t cross them.”
Another Redditor chimed in by saying, “Not the a**hole. It’s not about the DNA. It’s about snubbing you before.”
Not Her Granddaughter
Some Redditors did feel like OP had crossed the line when she said one of the reasons she didn’t watch the kid was because they weren’t biologically related.
One Redditor said, “Everyone sucks here. Son is the a**hole for shutting you out of his kid’s life before. You’re the a**hole for making it about who is the biological dad of the kid. It’s fine to say no because your son was a jerk before, but less so to bring up the circumstances of the kid’s parents.”
Another wrote, “Not babysitting is the direct consequence of her son’s previous behavior. It is not a consequence of his ex-wife’s infidelity. Centering the argument on DNA allows the son to blame her rather than his own behavior and detracts from the strength of her argument. It is easier for her son to call her an a**hole for not babysitting a child due to DNA than it would be if she simply didn’t want to babysit after being treated the way she was. But overall, everyone sucks here for using DNA in the argument and for the son’s behavior.”
Was it wrong for OP not to want to watch the kid, or should she have taken the opportunity to connect with her grandchild when it became available? What do you think about OP citing biological parentage as a reason for not wanting to watch the grandkid?
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This post first appeared as She Refused to Babysit Her Son’s Daughter Because She’s Not “Her” Biological Grandchild. He Used to Claim Her Home’s “Unsafe,” and Now He’s Practically Begging, but She Won’t Give In! on Quote Ambition.