This grandmother had always cared for her daughter’s children, taking them to school each morning. Now, she needs time off for surgery, but her daughter could lose her job because of that!
The Family Portrait
OP (Original Poster) is a 50-year-old woman with a 26-year-old daughter and two grandchildren—a 5-year-old boy and a 3-year-old girl.
OP says that she and her daughter stayed close—literally. They lived about a hundred yards apart in the same complex, and she would always be available for her daughter and grandchildren for whatever they needed without fail.
OP would take her grandson to kindergarten every morning. She would also take her granddaughter to “talk and learn” classes every Monday and Wednesday.
Helping a Mom Out
She explained that she did all this simply because her daughter couldn’t.
OP’s daughter had to be at work by 8:00 AM, which made it impossible for her to drop her son off at 8:15 AM. She couldn’t be late because she was the opener for the business.
Trouble in Paradise
The problem was that OP had torn her Achilles tendon. She had a boot to help her move around and was able to stay mobile, but she needed surgery on her foot.
The recovery period for the surgery was going to be three weeks. During these three weeks, OP had to be in a special boot and couldn’t put any weight on her ankle.
The School Bell Tolls
To put it simply, OP would be “non-weight-bearing for three weeks,” making it impossible for her to get her grandchildren to school and other appointments.
Living Paycheck to Paycheck
Her daughter considered taking a leave of absence for personal reasons. Sadly, she couldn’t due to financial pressures being too great.
When all’s said and done, she couldn’t do a full three weeks without pay.
Hard Life Lessons
OP’s husband, who is not the father of her daughter, and her friends all said it wasn’t her problem. They all said that for “once in her life,” OP needed to put her needs first and let her daughter “figure things out for herself.”
What About Love?
She knew she should put her needs first but couldn’t help but feel terrible for leaving her daughter in that kind of predicament. It was making her feel like a “bad mom and Nana.”
Before Winter Comes
The surgery was scheduled for November 8, 2023, giving OP enough time to recover before it started snowing where she was. The timing couldn’t be better for her, so she had to decide soon.
Quandaries of the Heart
Given everything, OP was left with a difficult decision. Should she go through with the surgery, even though it would put her daughter in a terrible position and possibly cost her the job she needed so badly?
She added, “Am I the a**hole if I go ahead with my surgery?”
Words of Encouragement
In the end, OP decided that she didn’t have any choice. With many of her friends and family speaking out for her, she knew she needed to have the surgery done and not “set herself on fire to keep someone else warm.”
The people of Reddit were definitely on OP’s side, taking note of her pleasant and loving nature.
One Redditor summed up the sentiment nicely by saying, “I’m not understanding what her predicament has to do with you. Surgical correction of your foot is necessary. Your daughter should be responsible for getting her kids to school and herself to work. Don’t forget, she’s grown. Not the a**hole.”
Another mentioned that it would probably take longer than she expected, saying, “For your information, Achilles’ tendon repairs take about four to six months to heal initially, and that’s not even talking about weight-bearing status or therapy and driving. You need to have this done. She can find someone else in the meantime to take her kids to school, or she could always try and arrange something with her boss. The longer you put this off, the worse it is going to be. I know this, as I’m an orthopedic nurse who helps fix Achilles commonly. She can figure something else out in the meantime. You need to put your health first. Major, not the a**hole.”
Let Her Grow
Others jumped in to encourage OP to let go so her daughter could grow and be more responsible.
A mom said, “Not the a**hole. You need to get the surgery before it gets worse and to be pain-free. Your daughter is an adult and has enough time to make plans to cover her childcare responsibilities. You need the time to rest and heal. I’m saying this as a single mom of a young child who absolutely understands the pressures your daughter has. But I never allow it to impact my parents’ health or them going on vacations. She can ask her boss to adjust her hours by one hour, ask a neighbor, friend, or family member for help, or hire a sitter.”
“No. OP needs to let her daughter be a responsible adult and to put herself as a priority. This is as important as that surgery,” added another user.
What do you think? Should OP get her surgery, or should she hold off to help her daughter and grandchildren?
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This post first appeared as She Refused to Delay Her Surgery, Although It Meant Her Daughter Needed to Take Time off and Risk Losing Her Job. But She Can Never Be Selfish for Prioritizing Herself! on Quote Ambition.