Her brother couldn’t breathe through his nose due to multiple plastic surgeries that made it small. Now, he’s planning to get another one to make it bigger and wants her to pay for it!
Fixing What Isn’t Broken
OP (Original Poster), a 31-year-old woman, has a 29-year-old brother who needs surgery to fix his nose as he can’t breathe out of it. In the last 11 years, as of OP posting this, her sibling has had 4 nose jobs and now couldn’t breathe through it because it became too small.
Addicted to Physical Transformations
Nose jobs weren’t the only plastic surgery procedures her brother has had. There were lip injections to the point where he couldn’t close his mouth all the way.
There were so many that OP can’t even remember everything else!
Ignoring Medical Advice
Several doctors even turned her brother down, saying that going smaller would interfere with his breathing. Determined, he went to Mexico and paid a doctor in cash.
OP wrote, “It ended up smaller, but just like the other doctors said, he can barely breathe out of it. The only doctor who will touch his nose with a 10-foot pole because of the damage doesn’t do payment plans. We have public healthcare here, but it doesn’t cover anything cosmetic or procedures like this in other developed countries.”
Money Wasted on Plastics
OP’s brother is in debt on all of his credit cards, and as far as she knows, it was at least $20,000 in personal loans. He tried to get another loan from the bank but was turned down everywhere.
On Their Own
OP’s brother also couldn’t turn to their mom. After all, two and a half years before OP shared this story, her father unexpectedly passed away, and after that, their mom sold their house and vehicles.
Mom’s Current Situation
OP’s mom kept one-third of the sales from the house and the vehicles. Then, she gave OP and her brother one-third each.
She added, “Our mom lives in a retirement apartment, and the complex handles repairs, snow removal, and other similar things. All her money from the sale and her savings are in a ‘special’ investment, which pays for her rent and credit card.”
Unfortunately, OP’s brother was a nightmare in handling money, and he’d already spent all his share on leg lengthening surgery abroad. He has no money left, while OP has left her share of the inheritance untouched.
Additionally, though their mom had a credit card, it only had a small credit limit because it was reserved for “incidentals.” Because of this, OP’s mom couldn’t access the “special account” to get money for her brother; he had already asked her, but since she couldn’t access it, his only other choice was OP.
Better Financial Standing
Apart from the inheritance, OP was in the military and served for 10 years. Six months before her dad died, she got severely injured during her deployment and was immediately discharged right after.
With the money she’s saved while serving and the money her mom gave her, she almost has enough for a downpayment for a house.
The Only Choice Left
Because of this, her brother came to her and said she should be a “good sister” and sacrifice so he could breathe out of his nose again. However, if OP gives him her savings, it will take at least two more years for her to save that kind of money again.
Also, rather than asking for a loan, he asked for the money outright, and OP knows he would never pay her back!
Lesson Not Learned
After this supposed surgery, his nose will be bigger, and OP knows that her brother won’t like it and will only get another procedure to make it smaller again. The same thing happened with his lips, where they almost burst, and a doctor reduced them, but he didn’t like them small, so he got them injected to be huge again.
OP noted, “He’s said even though he can’t breathe, he wants his nose to be smaller.”
Weighing Her Options
Despite knowing that her brother brought this on himself, will keep having plastic surgeries afterward, is atrocious with money, and won’t ever pay her back, OP is still conflicted.
She asked, “Am I the a**hole for refusing to gift him five figures from my downpayment savings to have the surgery that will help him breathe better? Or do I owe him like he says?”
What Redditors Think
Many people believe OP was right for not giving her brother money. Given what has happened in the past, he might use the money to make bad choices again.
A Redditor wrote, “Mate, from what I’ve heard here, you’re not the a**hole. Far from it, actually. I’d say you’re being a good sister for not giving him the money. Considering how he used it in the past. I think if you gave him the money, he’d just shrink his nose even more so. Remember to never be an enabler.”
The same person added, “A better alternative to this is trying to get him mental health. It sounds like he is very self-conscious about his body. I hope my opinion helps with things. I hope your brother gets help, and I wish you the best. Finally, I am sorry for your loss. I couldn’t imagine losing a parent.”
A Mental Health Problem
The community believes that OP’s brother suffers from a severe mental health problem and should help him consult a professional.
“Dude, this is bigger than Reddit. Consult a psychologist or something. Your brother is extremely mentally ill. You don’t have to pay for his medical expenses, but if you love him and want him to live, you’ll look into ways to get him the help he needs. You need a professional for that,” a commenter wrote.
He Caused This!
OP’s brother did this to himself, and OP has no obligation to fix it for him.
Someone said, “Not the a**hole. Do not give him money for this. You do not need to delay your life plans to fund your brother’s plastic surgery addiction. Your brother went against medical advice, and now his nose is messed up. He has maxed out his credit cards and taken out loans he can’t pay back to consistently alter his appearance. He needs therapy, not surgery.”
The same Redditor wrote, “If this were his first surgery to fix a genetic condition or to help from an injury, then it would make sense for you to help him. It’s not, though. This was his own fault. Don’t let him guilt you into anything. He will be fine. He can still breathe out of his mouth. This was his own choice.”
Remain Firm in Your Stance
The community also thinks that OP should stick to her decision and move on with her plans in life.
“Not the a**hole. I know it’s hard to say no to helping family sometimes, but it sounds like you already know it’s going to backfire. Expect some backlash, but hold your ground. Good luck with the house! I hope you find something great,” one said.
Would you give money to your plastic surgery-addicted brother if you were OP? What do you think she should do?
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This post first appeared as She Refused to Give Her Brother Money for a Five-Figure Surgery That’ll Allow Him to Breathe Out of His Nose Again. Now He’s Guilt-Tripping Her, Saying She “Owed” Him! on Quote Ambition.