A woman got remarried and has a daughter with her new husband. But she started to notice, after the birth of their daughter, that her new husband would plan vacations without including her two teenagers!
A Growing Family
OP (Original Poster) has two teenage sons, 14 and 16, from her previous relationship. Now she’s remarried, and she and her new husband did end up having a child—a daughter who is now three years old.
After a while, OP noticed that her husband would make vacation plans, but he wouldn’t include the two teenage boys. The plan would be for her and their daughter, but her sons wouldn’t be included at all.
A Worrying Trend
This had never been a problem before the birth of their daughter but has been becoming increasingly apparent. So, OP asked her husband to stop making plans that didn’t include her other kids.
Her husband’s excuse was that the older two kids had to attend school, which was true.
However, as OP noted, he deliberately made plans during the school day so they wouldn’t be around.
His Money, His Plan
OP is a stay-at-home mom, but she does work for her husband and his company if he needs her assistance. Otherwise, he was the sole provider for their family, which he felt entitled him to certain privileges.
Lack of Options
Her husband told OP that since he’s the one who made the money, he could make the plans for when he wanted them. However, OP responded by telling him it just wasn’t fair to her sons that he would do this to them.
You Said What?
He told OP that if it was such a big deal that the teenagers go, her “ex-husband could pay for their portion of the vacation.”
This made OP question whether she was being overly protective just because they’re her kids.
OP’s kids were hurt by this and said they wanted to be included and go on fun trips, too. It got so bad that when they would fly, her husband would sit her, their daughter, and himself in first class while the two teenagers just got put in cheap seats in the back.
Not Their Fault
OP said she felt like if her daughter were 10, he would “pay for her first-class seat as well,” unlike what he does to her sons.
She noted that her teenagers were “nice” and “respectful” and had both been good kids, so she wasn’t sure why her husband was doing this.
Not His Kids
For whatever reason, OP said that her husband had started treating them this way when their daughter was born. It had gotten so bad that OP had to tell him that she didn’t want to go on vacation without them, period.
No More Understanding
OP said she understood that every now and then, an adult getaway was a good thing. That said, the fact that they had been purposefully excluded was not nice or fair.
OP didn’t want to ask the father of the two boys because she didn’t feel it was right that he had to pay for vacations that her family wanted to take.
To top it off, her new husband wouldn’t care for their daughter. Given this, she’s unable to get a part-time job to pay for her teens to accompany them.
Trapped and Isolated
OP had no chance to make money because she had to be taking care of her daughter, who was only three. This put her in a tough spot, and she wondered, was she in the wrong, or was her husband being the a**hole?
Trying to Work Things Out
OP commented a day after her initial post, replying to a user who suggested she needed to give her husband an “ultimatum” that either he changes his attitude toward her sons, or she’d file for a divorce.
She said, “I did today. I took the advice of an early post to read him some of the messages, and before anyone starts attacking, yes, I read both good and bad where he is the a**hole, and I am the a**hole. Of course, he was taken aback and got upset that he would be considered an a**hole. Shocker!”
Redditors’ Two Cents
Redditors had a lot of advice for OP, and not all of them were happy with the behavior her husband or she herself had displayed.
One said that she was making a huge mistake with her life, saying, “Well, you’ve chosen a man over your children. You have a choice, and you’re permanently damaging your relationship with them. They’ll see it as you chose him, allowed him to treat them like crap. He’s never going to treat them well, and they’ll have long-lasting emotional issues from this.”
Another pointed out that OP wasn’t entirely at fault, saying, “Not the a**hole. Hon, he is purposely trying to cut your teenagers out. I’d bet you he’s going to be pushing them to move out the millisecond they turn 18 or push more and more for them to go live with their dad. He is trying as hard as he can to act like they don’t exist and remove them from your family. To sideline them in favor of his ‘real’ family, aka, his biological child. You need to tell him that those children are just as much yours as the three-year-old, and if he keeps trying to shove them out of the family, he’s going to be the one pushed out. By divorce.”
Who Is at Fault?
Redditors wondered if she had noticed it all before and just said nothing.
One even said, “You’re the a**hole for allowing any of this to happen in the first place. Find your backbone and stand up for your children! They are not second-class citizens. Stop letting them be treated that way.”
“Jesus, your husband sounds awful. How can he not care how he’s hurting your boys? You really need to clean this up now. Either it’s all for one, one for all, or it doesn’t work for you. And remember, your boys have seen the different way they’ve been treated. You don’t think that one day they’re going to resent you for not saying more? For not insisting? For not sticking up for them? The airplane seating story makes me sick to my stomach. Your sons were treated like they’re second class, and that’s on you as well as your husband. I have to wonder how many other things there are where you’re treating them as inferior. Sorry for being so harsh, but you really need to fix this,” remarked another user.
Do you think OP’s wrong for waiting years before confronting the issue? Would you have done something different?
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This post first appeared as She Refused to Go on a Vacation Without Her Teenagers, but Her New Husband Says if They Want to Go, Then “Their Father Can Pay For Them!” Was She Overreacting? on Quote Ambition.