After rejecting the idea of marriage, her boyfriend told her to put him as her insurance beneficiary. Was this really all he was after, even after all those years together?
You’re the One
OP (Original Poster) and her boyfriend of 3 years are both in their 30s, and he has been living with her for the last 18 months. They are happy and have talked about how “this is it” for them, relationship-wise.
In her words, “We are in it for the long haul.”
In Between but Nowhere Near
The only problem is that he doesn’t want to get married, but she really does. Marriage is important to her.
Just recently, they’ve had many conversations about the topic, and his “vibe” is somewhere between “not ready” and “commitment, as far as marriage, is stupid, so why bother?”
Giving up Her Wants
After many lengthy discussions, OP realized she loved him enough to stay and forget the idea of getting married, even though it’s what she desired. On the other hand, her boyfriend doesn’t know if he’ll ever want to get married.
She added, “We both do not want children.”
Responsible and Prepared
One day, OP was handling paperwork from her insurance and was looking through it. She joked that her parents would be “really comfortable if she dies, especially if it’s in an accident,” saying they can “mourn her in style.”
She further explained that this is because of her insurance policies and her added “accidental death” insurance.
Afterward, she and her boyfriend talked, and he mentioned how OP should really change her beneficiary to him.
She wrote, “I said no. Absolutely not. I told him that I would never make anyone who isn’t blood or legal family my beneficiary. I said I would add him in the future if one day he decided he wanted marriage with me, but as it stands now, my insurance will remain as is.”
Is This Blackmail?
She also told him that she would never add his name to the title without marriage since she bought the house they lived in before they got together, and she owns it. With that, her boyfriend got furious and accused her of being an “a**hole,” saying she’s holding marriage as a “bargaining chip.”
On the contrary, OP said, “We never have to get married, but I am not comfortable tying him to my finances without being married.”
A Partner and a Tenant
Additionally, OP has a lot of money tied up in her house, and her boyfriend pays rent. Her mortgage costs almost $1,200, and he pays her $400 every month toward that.
Furthermore, she also has a considerable amount invested in her house. When she bought it, she spent $42,000 for the down payment.
She wrote, “That was all my money and is now equity in the house that he had no part of.”
In an update, OP said that after reading people’s feedback on her first post, she talked to her boyfriend, who seemed weird. He’s been acting that way lately, but she just put it off.
He explained his side and told OP that his telling her to put him as an insurance beneficiary was just a joke. However, when she “went off,” he got offended and reacted poorly.
She wrote, “He said he really did think I was going off about all that in retaliation for his ‘no to marriage’ talks, so he was left with a bitter taste, which I get. I can be more forceful than I realize and am naturally passive-aggressive. He said I didn’t have to put him on anything, but he needs me to understand that I am it for him. He wants to make his life with me. Things seemed to be better after this.”
Let’s Get Physical!
That same weekend, OP’s boyfriend asked her if she wanted to go on a hike. It was the season when the leaves were changing, and he suggested they go to a particular waterfall.
A Heavenly Proposal
When they arrived, he pulled an envelope out of his jacket with a tiny bow attached, saying it was a gift for OP. She opened it and saw a receipt from a jewelry store.
She said, “I was confused, but I see he had the date of purchase highlighted and circled with a heart. It was early August, before the talks we had, where he said he never wanted to get married. I turn, and there he is with a ring. I said yes.”
The Master Plan
Her now-fiancé said he knew OP would never believe he had the ring before everything that happened without the receipt. He explained that his attitude and comments when she started asking about getting married were only meant to fool her so she wouldn’t get suspicious, as this was the plan all along.
She added, “He wanted an autumn proposal in a beautiful location since it’s my favorite season.”
Pennies in the Piggy Bank
Apparently, he has been saving money after moving in with OP to buy a ring. He was able to do that since OP was charging him a much smaller amount than he was previously paying.
He saved up for over a year because he knew when he moved in with her that, eventually, he would ask her to marry him.
Everything Worked Out
As OP said, this is the best-case scenario. The couple also talked about how they were going to deal with finances moving forward.
She wrote, “When we get married, we will add each other as beneficiaries on our insurance policies. And we decided there’s no need to put him on my title even after we get married.”
Redditors congratulated OP and her fiancé on their engagement and found their story really interesting and funny. Some people even referenced and compared her fiancé’s proposal with Chandler Bing from the American TV show Friends.
The top commenter wrote, “Oh man, what a bumbling way to hide a proposal. This will make a great story down the line, though, and I bet you two will laugh about it quite a bit. Glad it worked out.”
Another person said, “We learned from Chandler that this is not how one covers an intent to propose. Anyway, congrats on actually communicating!”
Went Too Far
Although people are happy for OP and her fiancé, people can’t help but criticize how he proposed, saying he shouldn’t have let her suffer emotionally just for the element of surprise.
A commenter wrote, “Congratulations. But I really wish he had realized that you can surprise someone with an engagement without forcing them to go through the emotional toll of thinking their partner is anti-marriage. He could have told you he was open to marriage but wasn’t ready yet and still surprised you. He really created a lot of unnecessary drama and angst with his approach.”
Someone else said, “I find it cruel and manipulative that in order to create a surprise proposal, he thought the best course of action would be to convince you that he didn’t ever want to get married. Surely there are better ways to go about surprising you without causing you distress for months.”
What do you think of this story? Is it really a happy ending for OP?
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This post first appeared as She Refused to Make Her Boyfriend Co-owner of Her House and Her Beneficiary. She’s Uncomfortable “Tying” Him to Her Finances Unless They’re Married, but He Claims She’s Using Marriage as a “Bargaining Chip!” on Quote Ambition.