This Redditor doesn’t believe that making smarter decisions equates to being responsible for others’ missteps. So, what should she do now that her sister is asking her for help?
Two Sisters and Their Inheritance
OP (Original Poster) is a 30-year-old with a 34-year-old sister. They inherited their mom’s house when she passed away, sold it, and split the money they got in half.
For OP, her sister spent her inheritance money unwisely. She put her “perfectly capable kids” in private school even though public school was a great free option; this also would’ve allowed her to save money.
Squandering Her Money
Apart from that, her sister paid a huge amount of money for her friend’s wedding when she obviously didn’t have to.
OP added, “She bought expensive gifts for her friends when she could’ve saved money for her husband who’s dealing with a CH disease that’s recently got worse.”
Conversely, OP planned and thought about how to spend her money. She shared that she kept it so that she and her husband could start the business of their dreams—owning a diner.
However, OP’s sister started complaining about her financial situation. She kept telling OP that she didn’t have the money to afford her husband’s upcoming surgery.
She also couldn’t take out a loan due to her current debts that she needed to pay. OP said, “She tried asking for the money I have, but I said I was sorry but can’t help.”
Since OP refused, her sister resorted to sending her pictures and videos of her brother-in-law while he was in the hospital. Her sister hoped this would show OP how “real” their struggle is.
These messages caught OP off guard.
Two Months In
It’s been two months since her sister started sending pictures and videos. Sometimes, they would be of her brother-in-law sleeping in the hospital or complaining about the pain.
These were obviously hard for OP to process and had taken a toll on her mental health. She said, “Heck, I don’t even know whether he’s consenting to those pictures and videos or not.”
Urgent Help Needed
A few days before this story was posted, OP’s sister sent her a video again. This time, it was her brother-in-law puking from a distance and her sister “pleading in the background” while urging OP to help.
OP immediately lost her appetite after what she saw. Her husband advised her to block her sister because what she was doing was already a form of harassment.
She brought it up with other relatives, but they asked her to be “more sympathetic” to what her sister was going through with her sick husband. They also said she was “dealt a bad hand in life.”
Her relatives completely ignored the “emotional distress” OP was going through after her sister sent all the photos and videos and sided with her sister. They made her feel guilty for refusing to help.
You Should Help
OP’s relatives pushed her to understand her sister’s situation and help her with her expenses for the upcoming procedure. They think it was only right because OP “had the means.”
Is It Really My Responsibility?
OP argued that her sister put herself in this situation by “not being careful with money.” She also told them that the pictures and videos she was sending resulted from her “own irresponsibility.”
However, her relatives don’t see what OP’s seeing. Instead, they scolded her because she made her sister “break down and double down.”
They made it seem like she was a “cruel person” who refused to help her family out. OP said her family might even shun her if she doesn’t give in.
Everything had been so stressful for OP, and that’s why she lashed out. She acknowledged that she had the money to help but felt guilty about possibly failing her husband, too.
Her husband told her that her sister’s problems aren’t theirs, but OP thinks his opinions might be “biased” because he wanted to open the diner “so badly.”
What Redditors Have to Say
For the community, OP’s husband is right. She isn’t responsible for the consequences of her sister’s unwise decisions.
A top commenter wrote, “Not the a**hole. Block her from your phone. It’s your money, and you absolutely don’t have any responsibility to give it away. Your relatives who say otherwise are welcome to give as much money as they want.” Another commented, “Sister squandered her inheritance on frivolous stuff, and now she wants to use yours for what’s actually important. Not your problem. Not the a**hole.”
Protect Your Assets
Redditors had some valuable advice on inheritance, money, and generational wealth.
One woman shared, “OP, tell your family that your mother saved and created generational wealth, which she passed on to you and your sister. You are the steward of the wealth she passed on to you, and it’s your responsibility to maintain and, if possible, grow that wealth for the next generation. If you have kids, that money is now in your stewardship for your kids. If you don’t, it’s in your stewardship for your nieces and nephews’ futures—assuming you’re planning on leaving your money to them when you go. In any case, what your sister did with her wealth is none of your business, and what you do with yours is none of hers or theirs. Then, yes, block them.”
Should OP give in? What would you do?
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This post first appeared as She Refused to Shoulder Her Brother-In-Law’s Surgery Costs Using Her Inheritance After Her Sister Squandered Her Share on Useless Things. Now She’s Being Harassed and Pressured Into Feeling Guilty! on Quote Ambition.