This mom wants to do everything she can to make her son happy. So, is it wrong for her to refuse to let her ex pitch in for a gift she’d been saving thousands for?
Young Parents
OP (Original Poster) gave birth to her son when she was just 16 with her then-boyfriend. She and her ex-boyfriend split up when he moved away for college.
He became an absent father, even though he would return every summer.
Trying to Squeeze Himself In
She mentioned that her ex-boyfriend started to become more active when he moved back after he graduated. Since then, they have begun doing 50/50 custody.
At this point, OP was 24 and was finished with community college. She then got into a sonography school and is currently an obstetric sonographer.
Shocking Discovery
She found out that her ex-boyfriend never graduated from college and instead had an “enormous debt” from gambling during his time away.
OP said, “It explained why with a full-ride scholarship and a ‘degree’ in a high-paying field, he was working at the mall.”
Current Financial Status
On the flip side, once OP got a job, she was able to upgrade her and her son’s standard of living. She was slowly able to provide a better life for their small family.
Happy 17th!
When this story was posted, OP’s son was soon turning 17 and entering senior year. So, she wanted to get him a nice gift to celebrate his birthday.
She asked him what car he would like, and her son mentioned he would love to have a 2023 Camry.
A Big Surprise
OP’s son knew they were financially well off and didn’t struggle. However, he also thought buying a car was out of their budget.
OP said it was perfect, as his son wouldn’t suspect a thing!
OP’s Predicament
The problem was that her ex-boyfriend wanted to be part of it. She shared that she was speaking to her ex-boyfriend’s sister, whom she was “semi-close” with, and she brought up the idea to her.
Her ex-boyfriend’s sister was excited about the idea but advised against it. OP shared, “She said it makes her brother look bad since he doesn’t have a car, and it would crush him to know that his son has a brand new, paid-off car while he barely scrapes by.”
Not My Problem
OP responded by saying it was not her issue. After all, it wasn’t her fault he didn’t have his life together.
She wrote, “He’s 33 and still lives at home, doesn’t have a car, and constantly switches retail jobs after spending weeks stretching out watching orientation videos as long as he can.”
Proof of His Irresponsibility
OP added that her son even mentioned how he spent almost two months watching Home Depot orientation videos and then quit the first week on the floor. OP said, “He doesn’t want to work hard, so why should I feel bad?”
An “Amazing” Compromise
A couple of days passed, then her ex-boyfriend’s sister called her and said she had an idea for an “amazing compromise.” She said that she told her brother that OP planned to buy her son a “special” gift this summer.
So, she asked her brother if he was willing to pitch in.
The Offer
OP’s ex-boyfriend offered $80. Then, to add to that, his sister offered another $80, making the total contribution $160.
Then, she said that OP and her ex-boyfriend could tell their son that they “bought it together,” making her son feel like his dad pitched in.
No Thanks
OP, however, didn’t think this compromise was as amazing as her ex-boyfriend’s sister thought it was. The car she was planning to buy was $34,000, after all.
She wrote, “I told her, ‘No thanks; I have it covered.’”
That’s Extremely Selfish
At this, her ex-boyfriend’s sister got upset. She reiterated that this could bring OP’s son closer to his dad since they don’t have much of a relationship.
She then accused OP of being a “selfish a**hole.” OP added, “Ever since I said no, she’s called me twice, calling me an a**hole and saying I should either let him chip in or not buy it at all.”
One-Sided Plan
OP’s ex-boyfriend and his sister even advised OP to keep the amounts contributed “vague.”
She shared, “They’re saying to be vague about the amounts contributed and to be a good sport and let him and his dad have a moment. I feel conflicted because, of course, I wish they had a better relationship, but I also don’t want to add him out of guilt. They’re saying I’m the one thinking too much and to think of our son.”
Redditors’ Thoughts
Redditors think the suggestion was anything but awesome; it was crazy!
One said, “Not the a**hole; it’s crazy talk to say that $160 is equal to $34,000. Your son is a smart kid. He’s not going to be fooled into believing dear old dad came through.” Another said, “Absolutely f****** not. Dad can suck it up and reap what he’s sown. His sister is crossing a major line, thinking that $160 is enough. If it were a difference of even a grand or two, I’d maybe entertain it, but what they’re proposing is insulting to the work you’ve put in.”
He Doesn’t Deserve the Credit!
Users also wanted OP to stand firm because she worked so hard to give her son what he deserved.
A Redditor commented, “It’s your gift that you worked hard for, not ex, not his sister. It’s your moment with your son. If the dad and his sister want a ‘moment,’ well, they can work for it, like you did. I say again. Your son is a smart kid; he sees your ex slacking, and he is not going to believe for a minute your ex significantly contributed to the car. Here’s the other thing, say the son believes the ex paid for half. The ex could turn around and guilt the son into lending him the car ‘because he sacrificed so much to help pay for it.’ Go with the truth. It’s the best option in the long run.”
Do you think OP was right to refuse the $160? What should she tell them?
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This post first appeared as She Saved $34,000 to Gift Her Son a Car for His 17th Birthday. Now Her Ex Wants to Chip In $160, So He Could Say He Bought It, Too! on Quote Ambition.
