140 The Office Quotes That Will Make You Laugh

These The Office quotes are guaranteed to make your day and lighten up your mood.

The Office is an American mockumentary sitcom series that took over the world! The show lasted for nine seasons and won several awards for its characters, content, and humor. Moreover, many lines from the series are worth quoting and sharing!

Even if you are not a fan of the show, these quotes will definitely crack you up. So, if you are curious about the sitcom or just want to revisit the characters’ most iconic lines, then this collection is perfect for you.

Start reading here.

And don’t forget to check out these Michael Scott quotes and Prison Mike quotes.

Best Quotes From The Office

Best Quotes On Fake Friends
Best Quotes On Fake Friends

1. “There’s a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn’t that kind of the point?” – Pam Beesly

2. “I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them.” – Andy Bernard

3. “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” – Michael Scott

4. “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence, and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.” – Michael Scott

5. “Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That’s one of my mottos.” – Stanley Hudson

6. “It just seems awfully mean. But sometimes, the ends justify the mean.” – Michael Scott

7. “Whether you’re scared of dying, or dying alone, or dying drunk in a ditch, don’t be. It’s going to be okay.” – Michael Scott

8. “You only live once? False. You live every day. You only die once.” – Dwight Schrute

9. “The only difference between me and a homeless man is this job. I will do whatever it takes to survive like I did when I was a homeless man.” – Creed Bratton

Memorable The Office Quotes That Will Never Fail to Make Us Chuckle

10. “I am about to do something very bold in this job that I’ve never done before: try.” – Jim Halpert

11. “And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.” – Michael Scott

12. “I talk a lot, so I’ve learned to tune myself out.” – Kelly Kapoor

13. “They say if you’re nervous around someone, picture them naked. I do not recommend this strategy. Try picturing them with more clothes on, or a funny coat.” – Pam Beesly

14. “Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes, I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally, I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.” – Michael Scott

15. “Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ‘Would an idiot do that?’ And if they would, I do not do that thing.” – Dwight Schrute

Also read: Prison Mike Quotes, Dwight Schrute Quotes

The Office Quotes That We Can All Relate To

16. “I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.” – Michael Scott

17. “I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” – Kevin Malone

18. “If I don’t have some cake soon, I might die.” – Stanley Hudson

19. “If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn’t hear the other dead people.” – Dwight Schrute

20. “I’m not a millionaire. I thought I would be by the time I was 30, but I wasn’t even close. Then I thought maybe by 40, but by 40, I had less money than I did when I was 30.” – Michael Scott

21. “Every so often, Jim dies of boredom.” – Pam Beesly

22. “I work hard all day. I like knowing that there’s going to be a break. Most days, I just sit and wait for the break.” – Kevin Malone

23. “The doctor said if I can’t find a new way to relate more positively to my surroundings, I’m going to die. I’m going to die.” – Stanley Hudson

24. “There are always a million reasons not to do something.” – Jan Levinson

25. “Whenever I try to make a taco, I get too excited and crush it.” – Kevin Malone

26. “I hate the idea that someone out there hates me. I even hate thinking that Al-Qaeda hates me. I think if they got to know me, they wouldn’t hate me.” – Pam Beesly

27. “I understand nothing.” – Michael Scott

28. “Who says exactly what they’re thinking? What kind of a game is that?” – Kelly Kapoor

29. “I do deserve a vacation. Sometimes, Batman’s gotta take off his cape.” – Kevin Malone

30. “I’m such a perfectionist that I’d kind of rather not do it at all than do a crappy version.” – Ryan Howard

Also read: Andy Bernard Quotes, Kevin Malone Quotes

Meaningful Quotes From The Office

31. “Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that’s baloney because grief isn’t wrong. There’s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.” – Michael Scott

32. “It’s better to be hurt by someone you know accidentally than by a stranger on purpose.” – Dwight Schrute

33. “I think sometimes people are really mean to the hot, popular girl.” – Kelly Kapoor

34. “I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.” – Michael Scott

35. “There’s something about an underdog that really inspires the unexceptional.” – Robert California

36. “Bros before hos. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They have got your back after your ho rips out your heart for no good reason. And you are nothing but great to your ho, and you told her that she was the only ho for you and that she was better than all the other hos in the world. And then, suddenly, she’s not your ho no mo.” – Michael Scott

The Office Quotes on Love and Relationships

37. “I know a few things about love. Horrible, terrible, awful, awful things.” – Andy Bernard

38. “Four years ago, I was just a guy who had a crush on a girl who had a boyfriend. And I had to do the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, which was just to wait. For a really long time, that’s all I had. I just had little moments with a girl who saw me as a friend. And a lot of people told me I was crazy to wait this long for a date with a girl who I worked with, but I think even then I knew that I was waiting for my wife.” – Jim Halpert

39. “When you’re a kid, you assume your parents are soulmates. My kids are going to be right about that.” – Pam Beesly

40. “Put your heart out there like that, it’s liable to just turn into this blackened carbon brick where it has barbecue sauce of shame and rage, and two hot people with a perfect relationship would not understand that!” – Andy Bernard

41. “Maybe we weren’t right together, but it’s weird. I’d rather she be alone than with somebody. Is that love?” – Ryan Howard

Funny Quotes From The Office

42. “I don’t care what they say about me. I just wanna eat. Which I realize is a lot to ask for. At a dinner party.” – Pam Beesly

43. “No, I’m not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don’t tell them.” – Michael Scott

44. “It’s like I used to tell my wife. I do not apologize unless I think I’m wrong. And if you don’t like it, you can leave. And I say the same thing to my current wife, and I’ll say it to my next one too.” – Stanley Hudson

45. “You all took a life here today. You did. The life of the party.” – Michael Scott

46. “No, Rose, they are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs. Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs, do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what quality of life do we have there?” – Michael Scott

47. “This is a dream that I’ve had since lunch, and I’m not giving it up now.” – Michael Scott

48. “My philosophy is, basically this, and this is something that I live by. And I always have. And I always will. Don’t, ever, for any reason, do anything, to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who you are with, or, or where you are going, or, or where you’ve been. Ever. For any reason. Whatsoever.” – Michael Scott

49. “People underestimate the power of nostalgia. Nostalgia is truly one of the greatest human weaknesses, second only to the neck.” – Dwight Schrute

50. “When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had adsorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No, I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.” – Dwight Schrute

51. “It’s a real shame because studies have shown that more information gets passed through water cooler gossip than through official memos. Which puts me at a disadvantage because I bring my own water to work.” – Dwight Schrute

52. “Sometimes I get so bored I just want to scream, and then sometimes, I actually do scream. I just sort of feel out what the situation calls for.” – Kelly Kapoor

53. “When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.” – Dwight Schrute

54. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” – Michael Scott

55. “Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable.” – Michael Scott

56. “Why are all these people here? There are too many people on this earth. We need a new plague.” – Dwight Schrute

Hilarious Quotes From The Office That Will Lighten Up Your Day

57. “I love my employees even though I hit one of you with my car.” – Michael Scott

58. “Look, it doesn’t take a genius to know that every organization thrives when it has two leaders. Go ahead, name a country that doesn’t have two presidents. A boat that sets sail without two captains. Where would Catholicism be without the popes?” – Oscar Martinez

59. “I feel like all my kids grew up, and then they married each other. It’s every parent’s dream.” – Michael Scott

60. “You don’t want to get on my bad side. I have seen some horrible things. I own over 200 horror movies.” – Gabe Lewis

61. “I love catching people in the act. That’s why I always whip open doors.” – Dwight Schrute

62. “My psychiatrist thinks that I have some self-destructive tendencies and that for once, I should indulge them.” – Jan Levinson

63. “I wonder what people like about me. Probably my jugs.” – Phyllis Lapin-Vance

64. “Bread is the paper of the food industry. You write your sandwich on it.” – Dwight Schrute

65. “As it turns out, you can’t just check someone into rehab against their will. They have to do it voluntarily. They have to hit rock bottom. So I think I know what I need to do at this point. I need to find ways to push Meredith to the bottom. I think I can do it.” – Michael Scott

66. “I’m glad Michael’s getting help. He has a lot of issues, and he’s stupid.” – Phyllis Lapin-Vance

67. “You know what they say about a car wreck, where it’s so awful you can’t look away? The Dundies are like a car wreck that you want to look away from, but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you.” – Pam Beesley

68. “I fell in love with these kids, and I didn’t want to see them fall victim to the system. So I made ’em a promise. I told them if they graduated from high school, I would pay for their college education. I have made some empty promises in my life, but hands down, that was the most generous.” – Michael Scott

69. “Oh, I don’t think it’s blackmail. Angela just does what I ask her to do, so I won’t tell everyone that she’s cheating on Andy with Dwight. I think for it to be blackmail, it would have to be a formal letter.” – Phyllis Lapin-Vance

70. “‘R’ is among the most menacing of sounds. That’s why they call it ‘murder’ and not ‘mukduk.'” – Dwight Schrute

71. “The worst thing about prison was the dementors.” – Michael Scott

Quotes That Perfectly Sum Up The Office Characters

72. “Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it’s not like a compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.” – Michael Scott

73. “In the Schrute family, the youngest child raises the others. I’ve been raising children since I was a baby.” – Dwight Schrute

74. “I wake up every morning in a bed that’s too small, drive my daughter to a school that’s too expensive, and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little. But on pretzel day? Well, I like pretzel day.” – Stanley Hudson

75. “I’m not usually the butt of the joke. I’m usually the face of the joke.” – Michael Scott

76. “Mini cupcakes? As in the mini version of regular cupcakes? Which is already a mini version of cake? Honestly, where does it end with you people?” – Kevin Malone

77. “I have a lot of questions. Number one, how dare you?” – Kelly Kapoor

78. “I am fast. To give you a reference point, I’m somewhere between a snake and a mongoose, and a panther.” – Dwight Schrute

79. “In the wild, there is no healthcare. In the wild, healthcare is, ‘Ow, I hurt my leg. I can’t run. A lion eats me, and I’m dead.’ Well, I’m not dead. I’m the lion. You’re dead.” – Dwight Schrute

80. “One day, Michael came in and complained about a speed bump on the highway. I wonder who he ran over then.” – Jim Halpert

81. “For my new year’s resolution, I gave up drinking during the week.” – Meredith Palmer

82. “I have decided that I’m going to be more honest. I’m gonna start telling people what I want directly. So, look out world, ’cause ol’ Pammy is gettin’ what she wants. And, don’t call me Pammy.” – Pam Beesly

83. “I love inside jokes. I’d love to be a part of one someday.” – Michael Scott

84. “My roommate wants to meet everybody because I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m making Dwight up. He is very real.” – Jim Halpert

85. “If I had to, I could clean out my desk in five seconds, and nobody would ever know that I’d ever been here. And I’d forget too.” – Ryan Howard

86. “I’m an early bird, and I’m a night owl, so I’m wise and have worms.” – Michael Scott

Short Quotes From The Office That Will Stick With Us Forever

87. “That’s what she said!” – Michael Scott

88. “Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship.” – Andy Bernard

89. “You couldn’t handle my undivided attention.” – Dwight Schrute

90. “Should have burned this place down when I had the chance.” – Michael Scott

91. “Did I stutter?” – Stanley Hudson

92. “I feel God in this Chili’s tonight.” – Pam Beesly

93. “What are your weaknesses? I don’t have any, asshole.” – Kelly Kapoor

94. “News flash: you are not special.” – Stanley Hudson

95. “Me think, why waste time say lot word when few words do trick.” – Kevin Malone

96. “Talk to me that way again, and I’ll cut your face.” – Erin Hannon

97. “I normally don’t enjoy making people laugh.” – Angela Martin

98. “Let’s put a smile on that face.” – Creed Bratton

99. “I am Beyoncé, always.” – Michael Scott

100. “Today, smoking is going to save lives.” – Dwight Schrute

The Office Quotes on Work

101. “Everything I have, I owe to this job. This stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job.” – Jim Halpert

102. “Nobody should have to go to work thinking, ‘Oh, this is the place that I might die today.’ That’s what a hospital is for. An office is for not dying. An office is a place to live life to the fullest. To the max. An office is a place where dreams come true.” – Michael Scott

103. “Right now, this is just a job. If I advance any higher in this company, this would be my career. And, uh, if this were my career, I’d have to throw myself in front of a train.” – Jim Halpert

104. “I guess I’ve been working so hard, I forgot what it’s like to be hardly working.” – Michael Scott

105. “Do you know who the real heroes are? The guys who wake up every morning and go into their normal jobs and get a distress call from the Commissioner and take off their glasses and change into capes and fly around fighting crime. Those are the real heroes.” – Dwight Schrute

106. “You think you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s only some bugger with a torch bringing you more work.” – David Brent

107. “Powerpoints are the peacocks of the business world, all show, no meat.” – Dwight Schrute

108. “Nothing stresses me out, except having to seek the approval of my inferiors.” – Dwight Schrute 

109. “Abraham Lincoln once said that ‘If you’re a racist, I will attack you with the North,’ and these are the principles I carry with me in the workplace.” – Michael Scott

110. “Would I ever leave this company? Look, I’m all about loyalty. In fact, I feel like part of what I’m being paid for here is my loyalty. But if there were somewhere else that valued loyalty more highly, I’m going wherever they value loyalty the most.” – Dwight Schrute

The Office Quotes to Remind You of the Show’s Best Pranks

111. “From time to time, I send Dwight faxes. From himself. From the future.” – Jim Halpert

112. “We didn’t play many video games in Scranton. Instead, we’d do stuff like, uh, Pam and I would sometimes hum the same high-pitched note and try to get Dwight to make an appointment with an ear doctor. And, uh, Pam called it ‘pretendinitis.'” – Jim Halpert

113. “Jim is my enemy, but it turns out that Jim is also his own worst enemy. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So, Jim is actually my friend. But, because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy, so actually, Jim is my enemy.” – Dwight Schrute

114. “Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year.” – Dwight Schrute

115. “Fact: bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.” – Jim Halpert

116. “Oh, so Dwight gave me this wooden mallard as a gift. I found a recording device in it. Yes. So. I think if I play it just right, I can get Dwight to live out the plot of National Treasure.” – Jim Halpert

The Office Quotes to Make You Laugh

117. “I have six roommates, which are better than friends because they have to give you one month’s notice before they leave.” – Toby Flenderson

118. “Meredith, you lit your hair on fire today. What about tomorrow? What is going to happen when you come into work, and you’re dead?” – Michael Scott

119. “Ultimatums are key. Basically, nobody does anything for me unless I threaten to kill myself.” – Kelly Kapoor

120. “How are you not murdered every hour?” – Andy Bernard

121. “Look, I know the reason that you guys became accountants is because you’re not good at interacting with people. But guess what! From now on, you guys are no longer losers! So give yourselves a round of applause.” – Kelly Kapoor

The Office Quotes to Read When You Need Some Cheering Up

122. “Boy, have you done lost your mind, ’cause I’ll help you find it!” – Stanley Hudson

123. “Disposable cameras are fun although it does seem wasteful and you don’t ever get to see your pictures.” – Erin Hannon

124. “I’ve been involved in a number of cults both as a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower, but you make more money as a leader.” – Creed Bratton

125. “Make friends first, make sales second, make love third. In no particular order.” – Michael Scott

126. “You need to access your uncrazy side. Otherwise, maybe this thing has run its course.” – Darryl Philbin

127. “I wish I could menstruate. If I could menstruate, I wouldn’t have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I’d just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus, I’d be more in tune with the moon and the tides.” – Dwight Schrute

128. “We have a gym at home. It’s called the bedroom.” – Phyllis Lapin-Vance

129. “Fool me once, strike one. Fool me twice, strike three.” – Michael Scott

130. “Do I look like someone who would waste my own time?” – Robert California

131. “So this is my life until I win the lottery. Or Pam finally writes that series of young adult books.” – Jim Halpert

132. “If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.” – Michael Scott

133. “In the end, the greatest snowball isn’t a snowball at all. It’s fear. Merry Christmas.” – Dwight Schrute

134. “I don’t talk trash. I talk smack. They’re totally different. Trash talk is hypothetical, like, ‘Your mom is so fat she can eat the internet.’ But smack talk is happening like right now. Like, ‘You’re ugly, and I know it for a fact ’cause I got the evidence right there.'” – Kelly Kapoor

More The Office Quotes and Conversations

135. “Your body is a temple. You have to respect it. You can’t just whore it out.” – Angela Martin

136. Michael Scott: “I think you’re overthinking it.” 

Jim Halpert: “I think you’re underthinking it.”

137. “I am not great with kids. But I want to get better because I’m getting married. So, I put out a bunch of extra candy on my desk, so the kids would come talk to me, like the witch in Hansel and Gretel.” – Pam Beesly

138. “Sometimes the clothes at Gap Kids are too flashy, so I’m forced to go to the American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls.” – Angela Martin

139. “I’ll be the number-two guy here in Scranton in six weeks. How? Name repetition, personality mirroring, and never breaking off a handshake. I’m always thinking one step ahead, like a carpenter that makes stairs.” – Andy Bernard

140. “I have been trying to get on jury duty every year since I was 18 years old. To get to go sit it in an air-conditioned room downtown, judging people, while my lunch is paid for. That is the life.” – Stanley Hudson

Which Quote Captured Your Attention and Interest?

The Office is one of the greatest television shows of all time. It is so good because its unique mockumentary set-up paired with these characters gave us the show’s funniest and most heartfelt moments.

This way of shooting makes the characters feel like they are talking to us, and we can peek into their honest and raw thoughts. We also get to know their personalities from the inside and out. Aside from this, the real-life comedic situations from the sitcom do not fail to crack us up. 

We hope that these The Office quotes were able to remind you to have humor in the most mundane moments of your life. Everyone should watch this series because it will cheer you up!

Did you enjoy these The Office quotes? Do you want to add more lines from the series? Leave us a comment below!