40 A Christmas Story Quotes You Will Always Remember

Want some funny quotes from an award-winning comedy movie?

Here are some of the best quotes from A Christmas Story, a 1983 American Christmas comedy film directed by Bob Clark that is based on Jean Shepherd’s semi-fictional anecdotes and earned two Canadian Genie Awards in 1984.

It was selected for preservation in the National Film Registry by the Library of Congress for being culturally, historically and aesthetically significant.

Let’s start reading some quotes with a friend and laugh together.

Read the full collection below. 

And don’t forget to check out these Nightmare Before Christmas quotes and National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation quotes too.

Best A Christmas Story Quotes

A Christmas Story Quotes - You'll shoot your eye out, kid.

1. “You’ll shoot your eye out, kid.” – Santa Claus

2. “I triple-dog-dare ya!” – Schwartz

3. “Some men are Baptists, others Catholics; my father was an Oldsmobile man.” – Ralphie Parker

4. “Be sure to drink your Ovaltine. Ovaltine? A crummy commercial? Son of a bitch!” – Ralphie Parker

5. “Meatloaf, smeatloaf, double beatloaf. I hate meatloaf.” – Randy Parker

6. “I can’t put my arms down.” – Randy Parker

7. “He had yellow eyes! So help me, God! Yellow eyes!” – Ralphie Parker

8. “We plunged into the cornucopia quivering with desire and the ecstasy of unbridled avarice.” – Ralphie Parker

9. “In our world, you were either a bully, a toady, or one of the nameless rabble of victims.” – Ralphie Parker

Famous A Christmas Story Quotes

A Christmas Story Quotes - Another shot of mysterious, inexorable, official justice.

10. “Another shot of mysterious, inexorable, official justice.” – Ralphie Parker

11. “It’s a major award!” – Old Man Parker

12. “Nadafinga!” – Old Man Parker

13. “Only one thing in the world could’ve dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window.” – Ralphie Parker

14. “Adults loved to say things like that, but kids knew better. We knew darn well it was always better not to get caught.” – Ralphie Parker

15. “It was the classic, mother BB-gun block.” – Ralphie Parker

16. “Aunt Clara had for years labored under the delusion that I was not only perpetually 4 years old, but also a girl.” – Ralphie Parker

17. “Oh my god, I shot my eye out!” – Ralphie Parker

18. “Was there no end to this conspiracy of irrational prejudice against Red Ryder and his peacemaker?” – Ralphie Parker

19. “Only I didn’t say, ‘Fudge.’ I said THE word, the big one, the queen mother of dirty words, the ‘F-dash-dash-dash’ word!” – Ralphie Parker

Funny A Christmas Story Quotes

A Christmas Story Quotes - It was soap poisoning.

20. “It was soap poisoning.” – Ralphie Parker

21. “He looks like a deranged Easter Bunny.” – Old Man Parker

22. “Of course. Santa. The big man. The head honcho. The connection.” – Ralphie Parker

23. “He looks like a pink nightmare!” – Old Man Parker

24. “You used up all the glue on purpose!” – Old Man Parker

25. “Fraa-jeel-aay! It must be Italian!” – Old Man Parker

26. “That son of a bitch would freeze up in the middle of summer on the equator!” – Old Man Parker

27.“Schwartz Created A Slight Breach Of Etiquette By Skipping The Triple Dare And Going Right For The Throat!” – Ralphie Parker

28. “Randy lay there like a slug. It was his only defense.” – Ralphie Parker

29. “In the heat of battle, my father wove a tapestry of obscenity that, as far as we know, is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan.” – Ralphie Parker

Family A Christmas Story Quotes

A Christmas Story Quotes - Every family has a kid that won't eat.

30. “Every family has a kid that won’t eat. My little brother had not eaten voluntarily in over three years.” – Ralphie Parker

31. “Over the years I got to be quite a connoisseur of soap. My personal preference was for Lux, I found that Palmolive had a nice, piquant after-dinner flavor – heady, but with a touch of mellow smoothness. Lifebuoy, on the other hand… (Yechh!)” – Ralphie Parker

32. “My old man’s spare tires were only actually tires in the academic sense. They were round and had once been made of rubber.” – Ralphie Parker

33. “It was all over. I was dead. What would it be? The guillotine? Hanging? The chair? The rack? The Chinese water torture? Mere child’s play compared to what surely awaited me!” – Ralphie Parker

34. “I left Flick to certain annihilation. But BB Gun mania knows no loyalty.” – Ralphie Parker

35. “Oh, life is like that. Sometimes, at the height of our revelries, when our joy is at its zenith, when all is most right with the world, the most unthinkable disasters descend upon us!” – Ralphie Parker

36. “Scut Farkus! What a rotten name! We were trapped. There he stood, between us and the alley. Scut Farkus staring out at us with his yellow eyes.” – Ralphie Parker

37. “Now, I had heard that word at least ten times a day from my old man. He worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium; a master.”- Ralphie Parker

38. “Ralphie, you’re lucky it didn’t cut your eye! Those icicles have been known to kill people.” – Mother Parker

39. “There has never been a kid who didn’t believe that he would be stricken blind before he reached twenty-one, and then they’d be sorry.”- Ralphie Parker

40. “It’s coming Tonight! Tonight! Tonight! Tonight! Hot damn, tonight!” – Old Man Parker

Did You Find A Christmas Story Quotes Funny?

A Christmas Story is a movie about a young boy named Ralphie who attempts to convince his parents, his teacher, and Santa that a Red Ryder BB gun really is the perfect Christmas gift.

The film is presented in a series of vignettes, with narration provided by the adult Ralphie Parker, reminiscing on one particular Christmas event. It shows the importance of family support in dealing with bullying. That you can always choose to be happy even when others would try to bring you down and discourage you.

Which quote from A Christmas Story caught your attention? Let us know in the comment section below, what are your thoughts and opinions?


Recommended Reading

Amy Finn

Hi. I'm Amy, the founder of this blog. I love quotes and enjoy sharing the best ones with you.

Leave a Comment