50 National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation Quotes for Fans

These National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation quotes will help you realize and embody the real essence of the holidays!

We all want to experience a perfect Christmas. However, just like in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, things could go wrong, and that’s beyond our control.

The movie is about Clark Griswold and his desire to have the perfect old-fashioned Christmas for his family. However, despite Clark’s best efforts, nothing goes according to plan. From faulty Christmas lights to obnoxious family guests, his attempts to have an ideal holiday create more chaos than joy.

In the end, however, he learns to let go of his expectations and just go with the flow. That’s when he finally finds the fun and excitement he has been looking for.

He realized that even though things did not go according to his plan, he could still give his family an unforgettable holiday experience. After all, Christmas is not about having a perfect night—it’s about being happy and content in the company of your loved ones.

To know more about the Griswolds and their Christmas, read on!

And don’t forget to check out these It’s a Wonderful Life quotes and A Christmas Story quotes.

Best National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation Quotes

Best Quotes On Fake Friends
Best Quotes On Fake Friends

1. “Where do you think you’re going? Nobody’s leaving. Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We’re all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.” – Clark Griswold

2. Clark Griswold: “We’re kicking off our fun old fashion family Christmas by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel drive sleigh to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas symbols.”

Audrey Griswold: “We’re not coming all the way out here just to get one of those stupid ties with Santa Clauses on it, are we?”

Clark Griswold: “No, I have one of those at home.”

3. “Clark, stop it! I don’t want to spend the holidays dead!” – Ellen Griswold

4. Ellen Griswold: “Clark, I think it’d be best if everyone went home before things get worse.”

Clark Griswold: “Worse? How could things get any worse? Take a look around here, Ellen. We’re at the threshold of hell!”

5. Eddie Johnson: “You surprised?”

Clark Griswold: “Surprised, Eddie? If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am right now.”

6. “I dedicate this house to the Griswold family Christmas.” – Clark Griswold

7. Clark Griswold: “Christmas is about resolving differences, and seeing through the petty problems of family life.”

Ellen Griswold: “Yeah, and it’s about my mother accusing your mother of buying cheap hot dogs, and your mother accusing my mother of waxing her upper lip, and then they don’t speak to each other—.”

Clark Griswold: “Your mother waxes her upper lip?”

Ellen Griswold: “She has for years.”

Clark Griswold: “Doesn’t show.”

8. Clark Griswold: “Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?”

Eddie Griswold: “I’m doing just fine, Clark. Just glad to be here.”

9. “Well, I don’t know what to say, except it’s Christmas and we’re all in misery.” – Ellen Griswold

10. Clark Griswold: “Oh, I was just smelling, smiling. I was just blouse, browsing. I, uh, heh heh. Well, I guess it just wouldn’t—oh hee hee, it wouldn’t be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter—hotter than they are. Whew. It is warm here, isn’t it?”

Mary Griswold: “You have your coat on.”

Clark Griswold: “Yes. Oh, do I? Yeah, it is a bit nipply out. I mean nippy. What am I saying, nipple? Ah, there is a nip in the air though.”

Famous National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation Quotes

11. “Eat my road grit, liver lips!” – Clark Griswold

12. “I’m sorry. This is our family’s first kidnapping.” – Ellen Griswold

13. Rusty Griswold: “You think you might be overdoing it, Dad?”

Clark Griswold: “Russ, when was the last time I overdid anything?”

14. Todd Chester: “Hey, Griswold. Where do you think you’re gonna put a tree that big?”

Clark Griswold: “Bend over, and I’ll show you.”

Todd Chester: “You’ve got a lot of nerve talking to me like that Griswold.”

Clark Griswold: “I wasn’t talking to you.”

15. Ellen Griswold: “Clark, Audrey’s frozen from the waist down.”

Clark Griswold: “It’s all part of the experience, honey!”

16. Clark Griswold: “Eat my rubber!”

Rusty Griswold: “Dad, I think what you mean is ‘burn rubber, and eat my dust.’”

Clark Griswold: “Whatever, Russ. Whatever.”

17. “Dad, you taught me everything I know about exterior illumination.” – Clark Griswold

18. “You couldn’t hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant.” – Lewis Griswold

19. “What is it? A letter confirming your reservation at the nuthouse?” – Art Smith

20. “This isn’t charity; it’s family.” – Clark Griswold

21. “Would it be indecent to ask the grandparents to stay at a hotel?” – Audrey Griswold

22. “If that thing had nine lives, she just spent them all.” – Eddie Johnson

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation Quotes to Feel the Essence of Holidays

23. “The most enjoying traditions of the season are best enjoyed in the warm embrace of kith and kin. Thith tree is a thymbol of the thpirit of the Griswold family Chrithmath.” – Clark Griswold

24. “Hey, look kids, a deer!” – Clark Griswold

25. “Honey, do you honestly think I would check thousands of tiny little lights if I wasn’t sure the extension cord was plugged in?” – Clark Griswold

26. “I give you the Griswold family Christmas tree. Lotta sap in here! Hmm, looks great! Little full, lotta sap.” – Clark Griswold

27. Clark Griswold: “It’s a one-year membership to the Jelly of the Month Club.”

Eddie Johnson: “Clark, that’s the gift that keeps on giving the whole year.”

28. Clark Griswold: “I can’t believe you’re standing here in my living room, Eddie. Never thought the day would come.”

Eddie Johnson: “Yeah I’m excited about it too.”

29. “It’s people that make the difference. Little people like you.” – Frank Shirley

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation Quotes for an Overview of the Movie

30. Ellen Griswold: “You set standards that no family activity can live up to.”

Clark Griswold: “When have I ever done that?”

Ellen Griswold: “Parties, weddings, anniversaries, funerals, holidays—.”

Clark Griswold: “Goodnight, Ellen.”

Ellen Griswold: “Vacations, graduations—.”

31. “And if it wouldn’t be too much, I’d like to get something for you, Clark. Oh boy, this is a surprise, Clark. It’s just a real nice surprise. Just a real nice surprise.” – Eddie Johnson

32. “I think you’re forgetting how difficult it’s going to be having everybody at the house at the same time.” – Ellen Griswold

33. Clark Griswold: “Catherine, if this turkey tastes half as good as it looks, we’re all in for a real treat!”

Eddie Johnson: “Save the neck for me, Clark.”

Clark Griswold: “Okay, Eddie.”

34. Clark Griswold: “We’re alright! Thank God we’re alright!”

Ellen Griswold: “Clark, we’re stuck under a truck!”

Clark Griswold: “Do you honestly think I don’t know that?”

Rusty Griswold: “Come on you guys, don’t fight!”

Clark Griswold: “Oh for Christ’s sake, I didn’t do this on purpose!”

Ellen Griswold: “Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name, and forgive my husband; he knows not what he does.”

Clark Griswold: “Amen!”

35. Clark Griswold: “I was just looking at something for my wife, God rest her soul.”

Mary: “God, I’m so sorry!”

Clark Griswold: “Oh, no, no! She’s not dead yet. We’re just divorced. She’s history.”

36. “Better take a raincheck on that, Art. He’s got a lip fungus they ain’t identified yet.” – Eddie Johnson

37. “Your grandma’s got a real painful burn on her heel. If you rub it for me, I’ll give you a whole quarter.” – Nora Griswold

38. Ellen Griswold: “What are you looking at?”

Clark Griswold: “Oh, the silent majesty of a winter’s morning, the clean, cool chill of the holiday air, an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer—.”

Eddie Johnson: “Shitter was full.”

Clark Griswold: “Ah, yeah. You checked our shitters, honey?”

Ellen Griswold: “Clark, please. He doesn’t know any better.”

Clark Griswold: “He oughta know it’s illegal. That’s a storm sewer. If it fills with gas, I pity the person who lights a match within 10 yards of it.”

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation Quotes That’ll Stay in Your Head Rent-Free

39. “Get me somebody, anybody. And get me somebody while I’m waiting.” – Frank Shirley

40. Clark Griswold: “Russ, go get the hammer.”

Ellen Griswold: “Clark, what do you need a hammer for?”

Clark Griswold: “I’m gonna catch it in the coat and smack it with the hammer.”

41. Audrey Griswold: “He worked really hard, Grandpa.”

Art Smith: “So, do washing machines.”

42. “You ain’t never seen a set on a dog like this one’s got, Clark.” – Eddie Johnson

43. Clark Griswold: “No, Eddie. It was my fault. I lost my temper when I got my bonus, and I guess I said a few things I shouldn’t have.”

Frank Shirley: “Bonus? How did you get a bonus? I cut out bonuses this year.”

Clark Griswold: “Yeah. Thanks for telling us. I was expecting a check. Instead, I got enrolled in a Jelly Club. Seventeen years with the company. I’ve gotten a Christmas bonus every year but this one. You don’t want to give bonuses, fine. But when people count on them as their salary, well what you did just plain—.”

Rusty Griswold: “Sucks.”

Clark Griswold: “Thank you, Russ. My cousin-in-law, whose heart is bigger than his brain—.”

Eddie Johnson: “Appreciate that, Clark.”

Clark Griswold: “Is innocent. I’ll be more than happy to take the rap on this, on behalf of myself and every other employee you rear-ended this Christmas.”

44. Clark Griswold: “Russ, we checked every bulb, didn’t we?”

Rusty Griswold: “Sure, Dad.”

Clark Griswold: “Hmm, maybe we ought to just go up there and check—.”

Rusty Griswold: “Jeez! Look at the time. I gotta get to bed. I still gotta brush my teeth, feed the hog, still got some homework to do, still got those bills to pay, and wash the car.”

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation Quotes to Remember the Most Special Day of the Year

45. “I’ll, uh, park the cars, and check the luggage, and, uh, I’ll be outside for the season.” – Clark Griswold

46. “It’s not big; it’s just full.” – Clark Griswold

47. “Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on melody lane with all the other rich people, and I want him brought right here! With a big ribbon on his head! And I want to look him straight in the eye, and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?” – Clark Griswold

48. Eddie Johnson: “Don’t go putting none of that stuff on my sled, Clark. You know that metal plate in my head? I had to have it replaced, cause every time Catherine revved up the microwave I’d piss my pants and forget who I was for a half hour or so. So over at the VA, they had to replace it with plastic. It ain’t as strong, so I don’t know if I should go sailing down no hill with nothing between the ground and my brains but a piece of government plastic.”

Clark Griswold: “You really think it matters, Eddie?”

49. “I love it here. You don’t have gotta put on your coat to go to the bathroom, and your house is always parked in the same place!” – Ruby Sue

50. Clark Griswold: “Since this is Aunt Bethany’s 80th Christmas, I think she should lead us in the saying of grace.”

Bethany Griswold: “What, dear?”

Nora Griswold: “Grace!”

Bethany Griswold: “Grace? She passed away 30 years ago.”

Lewis Griswold: “They want you to say ‘Grace.’ The blessing!”

Bethany Griswold: “I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands. One nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.”

Clark Griswold: “Amen.”

What Is Your Ideal Christmas Night?

For most of us, Christmas is one of the most significant holidays of the year. We often set our expectations far too high because we want this moment to be perfect. But, we must not forget that the real essence of Christmas is joy and happiness.

In the movie, instead of feeling happy, Clark becomes frustrated because nothing goes right with his plans. So, you better learn to manage your expectations. That way, you can avoid feeling disappointed and down during Christmas.

Remember, pressuring your way to get what you want isn’t always practical and effective. Sometimes, it’s better to go with the flow and just enjoy.

Some things can go out of control and ruin our perfect plan. However, you don’t need to be disappointed. You simply need to approach the situation from a different and more positive angle.

Besides, even if Clark’s expectations have been ruined, he still got his perfect family Christmas. He has every reason to be happy because he is celebrating with his family. Given that, always try to make the best of every situation and find contentment in it!