30 Archer Quotes From Your Favorite ISIS Agents

These Archer quotes will help you bring out your strengths so you can use them effectively!

Archer is an animated sitcom about the international spy agency, ISIS, which works for rich and powerful people. This organization has the weirdest group of workers and management. Instead of helping one another as a team, they sabotage each other’s mission for fun and pleasure.

One of the agents at ISIS is Sterling Archer, who is known as the deadliest spy. He’s skilled at espionage and covert operations. Additionally, Archer’s great at saving himself and others from sticky situations!

So, if you want to relax after a long day, we’ve gathered the best Archer quotes for you. This list contains fun and mind-blowing lessons about self-awareness, betrayal, teamwork, and many more, so read on!

Start reading here.

And don’t forget to check out these Beavis and Butt-Head quotes and The Boondocks quotes.

Best Archer Quotes

1. “Idiots doing idiot things because they’re idiots.” – Sterling Archer

2. “I didn’t invent the turtleneck, Lana. But, I was the first to recognize its potential as a tactical garment.” – Sterling Archer

3. “I’m a field agent, Isaac Newton. I risk my life. So, yeah. I do deserve the best space in the parking garage.” – Sterling Archer

4. “No, forget the glass, Woodhouse. Just give me the pitcher. For I am a sinner in the hands of an angry God. Bloody Mary, full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now and at the hour of my death, which I hope is soon. Amen.” – Sterling Archer

5. “I’m scared if I stop all at once, the cumulative hangover will literally kill me.” – Sterling Archer

6. “You killed a black astronaut, Cyril! That’s like killing a unicorn!” – Sterling Archer

7. “Seriously, Lana. Call Kenny Loggins because you are in the danger zone.” – Sterling Archer

8. “People who like you because you have cocaine aren’t people you want as friends, Pam.” – Sterling Archer

9. “Benefits of dating me? You will be dating me. I could go on, but I think I have made my point.” – Sterling Archer

Short Archer Quotes to Relive Your Favorite Scenes

10. “Karate? The dance cook of martial arts? No. ISIS agents use Krav Maga.” – Sterling Archer

11. “You want ants? Because this is how we get ants.” – Sterling Archer

12. “Roses are red, violets are blue. I hate rhyming. Penis.” – Sterling Archer

13. “I swear to God, I had something for this.” – Sterling Archer

14. “Can’t or won’t?” – Sterling Archer

15. “I’m not slurring. I’m talking in cursive.” – Sterling Archer

Archer Quotes for a Day Full of Smiles

16. “Every single noun and verb in that sentence totally arouses me.” – Dr. Algernop Krieger

17. Cheryl Tunt: “This is so boring and forever taking.”

Malory Archer: “Don’t just sit there sweating like a gigantic cheese, do something!”

18. “I’m sorry. I can’t hear you over the sound of my giant throbbing erection.” – Sterling Archer

19. Lana Kane: “That since we are going to die tomorrow, we should have sex.”

Sterling Archer: “Are you kidding? After seeing a tiger get murdered? Lana, I’m not in the mood! I mean, if you want to, I can watch while you m*sturbate, but just so you know, my heart’s not going to be into it. It’s going to be with that tiger’s family. But, you know, go ahead and start.”

20. “I hate surprises. I mean, except for surprises like f*llatio. That I like.” – Sterling Archer

Archer Quotes That’ll Have Your Mind Reeling

21. “No, the swamps are too dirty. It’s full of whatever alligators sh*t out. Which I can only assume is people.” – Sterling Archer

22. “I think that’s hot, like somebody murdering me. So intimate.” – Cheryl Tunt

23. “Sorry, ignore me. My whole thing is that I just crave attention.” – Cheryl Tunt

24. “They say stress is the silent killer. But poison darts are also pretty damn quiet.” – Sterling Archer

Great Archer Quotes to Give You a Glimpse of the Plot

25. “Like you would recognize a vegetable that wasn’t wrapped in a Monte Cristo sandwich.” – Malory Archer

26. Sterling Archer: “Oh my god! You killed a hooker!”

Cyril Figgis: “Call girl! She was a—.”

Sterling Archer: “No, Cyril. When they’re dead, they’re just hookers.”

27. Pam Poovey: “Cyril, can you explain compound interest to her?”

Cyril Figgis: “Maybe, if we had an infinite amount of time, and she was someone else.”

Archer Quotes That’ll Complete Your Day

28. “You’re not my friend; you’re a Decepticon!” – Pam Poovey

29. “Yeah, that was the third dumbest thing I’ve ever said. Wait, what were the first two?” – Sterling Archer

30. “I’m sorry, are you addressing me? Because your authority is not recognized in Fort kickass.” – Dr. Algernop Krieger

Did These Quotes Make You Want to Watch Archer Again?

Archer is an excellent series with awards and positive reviews from critics. It’s known for its animation, entertaining scripts, direction, and voice acting. Due to the show’s success, it’s no doubt it has become a go-to show for many.

The main star of this successful series is Sterling Archer. Many people might find it funny that he is the show’s protagonist because of his personality. But, the truth is that ISIS won’t be able to solve problematic situations without him.

Sterling Archer became the brain of the group because he is aware of his strength and always uses it with perfect timing. He remains calm, cool, and collected, no matter what.

So, if you want to solve some of your own problems, you must be more like Archer. Take charge of your emotions, and never let anything distract you from what you want to achieve. Whenever you need reminders of these lessons, feel free to check the list again!