40 Squidward Quotes on His Cynical & Sarcastic Worldview

These Squidward quotes will challenge your thinking and help you navigate any life experience.

Squidward Tentacles is one of the main characters in SpongeBob SquarePants, a children’s animated TV show. Everything irritates him: people who don’t appreciate the same music he does, friends who aren’t intelligent enough to keep up with him, and SpongeBob who won’t leave him alone.

Nobody can blame him for his mental state. So, if he is one of your favorite characters from the show, you will undoubtedly enjoy the quotes below.

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And don’t miss out these SpongeBob quotes and Patrick Star quotes.

Best Squidward Quotes

1. “After going on your life-changing journey, you now realize that you don’t want what you thought you wanted. What you really wanted was inside you all along.”

2. “I knew I shouldn’t have gotten out of bed today.”

3. “I might as well sleep for 100 years or so.”

4. “Hello. You’ve reached the house of unrecognized talent.”

5. “Welcome to the Krusty Krab, where it’s almost as if the evolutionary clock ticks backward.”

Famous Squidward Quotes

6. “Here, please hit me as hard as you can.”

7. “What are those Neanderthals doing? Can’t they see I’m spoiling myself?”

8. “If you think I’m gonna stand out there all day listening to annoying SpongeBob noises, then you must have coral wedged in your frontal lobe!”

9. “When I die, you stay away from my funeral.”

10. “I order the food, you cook the food. The customer gets the food. We do that for 40 years, and then we die.”

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Short Squidward Quotes That Reflect His Personality

11. “It’s just a cruel reminder that I’m single and likely to remain that way forever.”

12. “I have no soul.”

13. “Wake me up when I care.”

14. “I hate all of you.”

15. “Is it time already for you to ruin my day?”

16. “Another day, another migraine.”

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Squidward Quotes to Provoke You

17. “Please come again—when I’m not working.”

18. “If I had a dollar for every brain you don’t have, I’d have one dollar.”

19. “Well, it wouldn’t be the first time you ruined everything.”

20. “Patrick, don’t you have to be stupid somewhere else?”

21. “Do you have barnacles for brains?”

22. “I’m a winner, see my prize! You’re a loser who sits and cries.”

23. “Just when I thought they couldn’t get any stupider.”

24. “It means you have no skills, and you’re a loser.”

25. “One—I hate you. And two—how can that be me when I’m standing right here!?”

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Funny Squidward Quotes

26. “Picture him naked. Oh my god, he’s hot!”

27. “It’s tentacles! Not tennis balls!”

28. “That was my cheese. It’s supposed to smell like that, kelp for brains!”

29. “I feel like a—I feel like a—donkey noises big jerk!”

30. “No Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument.”

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Heartbreaking Squidward Quotes That Everyone Can Relate To

31. “Well, you did it. You took my one chance of happiness and crushed it. Crushed it into little tiny, bite-sized pieces. I really had expected better of you people. I guess I’m a loser for that, too.”

32. “Why is it whenever I’m having fun, it’s wrong?”

33. “Oh, it’s days like this that make me wish I had gone to college.”

34. “Public life ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.”

35. “Why must every 11 minutes of my life be filled with misery? Why?!”

More Squidward Quotes for Those Who Love This Character

36. “I was in the future and then I was in the past, and there was nowhere, and at last, I’m home and—you don’t know how happy I am to see you guys!”

37. “Beautiful and talented. What more do they want? Don’t worry folks, there’s more where that came from.”

38. “Fortunately, I have enough talent for all of you.”

39. “Good morning, my people! I’m sorry to have kept you waiting, but even I, strange as it seems, need my beauty sleep.”

40. “I’m not rushing perfection, I’m rushing you!” 

What Valuable Life Lessons Did Squidward Teach You?

If you are an introvert or tend to look at things negatively, you will surely relate to Squidward’s life. He’s a cynic and sarcastic character, but beneath all that, he gives importance to self-care and achieving one’s dreams.

Despite being known as a short-tempered creature, he enjoys small pleasures in life. In fact, one of his major life goals is to perform on stage and be the best musician he can be. He always jumps at the first chance he can get to show off his talent.

Indeed, Squidward teaches us that true happiness begins within. Before seeking love from another human, one must first master self-love. To do that, we should be attuned to what we really want in life.

It’s easy to be cynical about what we encounter in life, but remember that everything negative will soon come to pass. With that, we hope you were able to gain a deeper understanding of Squidward’s personality and how it relates to your everyday life. 

What do you like most about Squidward? Which quotes are your favorites? Comment them down below!