30 Billy Madison Quotes to Help You Start Your Day off Right

These Billy Madison quotes will be the perfect time capsule to bring you back to the ‘90s!

Billy Madison is arguably the best comedy release of the 1990s. More than 25 years later, this Adam Sandler masterpiece is something we still remember, quote, and watch! It’s a feel-good movie that will help you start your day off with a smile but, at the same time, offer you valuable lessons.

This comedy movie helps us understand that it’s never too late to change bad habits or attitudes. If you’re curious about how this lesson is integrated into Billy Madison, you better check out the list below. We’ve compiled only the funniest and most meaningful ones just for you.

Continue to the list below.

And don’t forget to check out these The Waterboy quotes and Happy Gilmore quotes.

Best Billy Madison Quotes

1. Veronica Vaughn: “So what’s it like, being back in school?”

Billy Madison: “I don’t know. I kinda feel like an idiot sometimes. Although I am an idiot, so it kinda works out.”

2. Principal: “Mr. Madison, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”

Billy Madison: “Okay, a simple ‘wrong’ would’ve done just fine.”

3. “I am the smartest man alive!” – Billy Madison

4. “What is a horseshoe? What does a horseshoe do? Are there any horse socks? Is anybody listening to me?” – Old Farm Lady

5. “Well, ‘sorry’ doesn’t put the Triscuit crackers in my stomach now does it, Carl?” – Eric Gordon

6. “Don’t you say that. Don’t you ever say that. Stay here. Stay as long as you can. For the love of God! Cherish it!” – Billy Madison

7. Billy Madison: “Well, I made the duck blue because I’d never seen a blue duck before, and I wanted to see one.”

Ms. Lippy: “Well, I think it’s an excellent blue duck. Congratulations, Billy, you just passed the first grade.”

8. “Shampoo is better! I go first, and clean the hair! Conditioner is better, I leave the hair silky and smooth! Oh really, fool? Really!” – Billy Madison

9. Dan: “Wa—wa—wa—once th—th—th—there wa—wa—wa—was a—a—a—a g—g—girl who wa—a—an—.”

Billy Madison: “Pffft! The kid can’t even read.”

Ernie: “Cut it out, dude. You’re gonna get us in trouble.”

Dan: “An air—air—air p—p—p—p—plane f—f—flying t—t—t—.”

Billy Madison: “T—t—t—today, Junior!”

Billy Madison Quotes That Every Fan Would Enjoy Reading

10. “You blew it!” – Billy Madison

11. “Chlorophyll? More like bore-ophyll.” – Billy Madison

12. Third Grader: “Hey, look, everybody! Billy peed his pants!”

Billy Madison: “Of course, I peed my pants! Everyone my age pees their pants; it’s the coolest!”

Third Grader: “Really?”

Billy Madison: “Yes! You ain’t cool unless you pee your pants.”

Third Grader: “Hey, look! Ernie peed his pants, too. Alright!”

Old Farm Lady: “If peeing your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.”

Billy Madison: “Oh! That was the grossest thing I’ve ever heard in my life! Let’s go!”

13. Ted Clemens: “Who the hell is it? What do you want? Judas Priest, Barbara, it’s one of those flaming bags again.”

Barbara: “Don’t put it out with your boots, Ted.”

Ted Clemens: “Don’t tell me my business, devil woman. Call the fire department, this one’s outta control.”

14. Lunch Lady: “Have some more Sloppy Joes. I made ’em extra sloppy for you. I know how you kids like ’em sloppy.”

Billy Madison: “Lady, you’re scaring us.”

15. Veronica Vaughn: “Hey, who threw that?”

Bus Driver: “I’ll turn this damn bus around! That’ll end your precious field trip pretty damn quick, huh! Little shit!”

16. Billy Madison: “I swear to God, I’m sick. I can’t go to school.”

Juanita: “If you’re gonna stay home today, you can help me shave my armpits!”

Billy Madison: “Oh, my God! I’ll go to school!”

17. Bus Driver: “That Veronica Vaughn is one piece of ace. I know from experience, if you know what I mean.”

Billy Madison: “No, you don’t.”

Bus Driver: “Well, not me personally, but a guy I know, him and her got it on!”

Billy Madison: “No, they didn’t.”

Bus Driver: “No, no, no, they didn’t. But you could imagine what it’d be like if they did, right? Huh? Huh?”

Billy Madison Quotes to Reflect On

18. Scotty Logan: “Mortal Kombat on the Sega Genesis is the best video game ever.”

Billy Madison: “I disagree. It’s a very good game, but I think Donkey Kong is the best video game ever.”

Scotty Logan: “Donkey Kong sucks!”

Billy Madison: “You know somethin’? You suck!”

19. Kid on Bus: “I dare you to touch her boobs.”

Billy Madison: “Touch her boobs? That’s assault, brotha!”

20. Billy Madison: “Man, why did I have so many drinks? I can’t remember! What’s today?”

Frank: “October?”

Billy Madison: “It’s Nudie Magazine Day!”

21. O’Doyle: “O’Doyle rules!”

Billy Madison: “O’Doyle, I got a feeling your whole family’s going down. But for now, I gotta study.”

22. “It’s too damn hot for a penguin to be just walkin’ around here.” – Billy Madison

23. “I hate cursive, and I hate all of you!” – Billy Madison

24. “You fallin’ in love with the wall or something?” – Billy Madison

25. “Back to school. Back to school, to prove to Dad that I’m not a fool. I got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight; I hope I don’t get in a fight. Oh! Back to school, back to school, back to school. Well, here goes nothing.” – Billy Madison

Unforgettable Billy Madison Quotes to Remember Forever

26. “Oh, Billy Billy boy. When are you gonna find whatever it is you’re looking for?” – Brian Madison

27. Carl Alphonse: “Billy is not an idiot.”

Eric Gordon: “I’m not saying he’s an idiot. I just think he might not be mature enough to run a Fortune 500 company.”

28. “You know some people have no willpower, no ambition. They just drift through life like lumps of crap.” – Veronica Vaughn

29. “The Industrial Revolution to me is just like a story I know called ‘The Puppy Who Lost His Way.’ The world was changing, and the puppy was getting bigger.” – Billy Madison

30. “Give me one more chance; I’ll prove I can take over. I’ll do anything it takes. I’ll go back to high school and take the exams again, and I’ll get the diploma all by myself.” – Billy Madison

Which Billy Madison Quote Did You Relate to the Most?

Billy Madison is the movie’s title character, and in the movie, he’s a man-child spoiled by his wealthy businessman father. To change his ways, his dad challenges him to retake all his exams and pass every grade again in only 24 weeks!

This is quite hard for Billy Madison, considering that he could only pass those tests in the first place through his father’s influence. He goofs around, says idiotic things, and doesn’t take things seriously at first. However, with the threat of their family business falling into the hands of a conniving associate, Eric, Billy slowly changes his attitude.

Billy eventually won against Eric. But, instead of gloating over his win, he did what was best for their company at the time. He left it in the hands of his father’s trusted and loyal operations manager and continued studying in college to become a teacher.

Though the movie is funny, absurd, and unrealistic in all senses, we can’t help but love it! What more do we need when Billy Madison has the comedy and the inspiring lessons we need in life? So, keep this list of quotes in your bookmarks whenever you need a laugh or words of encouragement!

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Karen Danao

Hi, I’m Karen, a content curator and writer for Quote Ambition; I’m also a marketing and advertising professional. Beyond the keyboard and the screen, I’m someone who’s out to enjoy every bit that life has to offer!

Poetry, philosophy, history, and movies are all topics I love writing about! However, my true passion is in traveling, photography, and finding common ground to which everyone from different cultures can relate.

With the many places I’ve been to, I found that love, inspiration, and happiness are some things that bring people together. No matter how different we are on the outside, I’m a true believer that our emotions don’t lie; if you dig deep into our psyche, we’re all the same inside.

This belief was further amplified when I joined Quote Ambition. Through the quotes I’ve read, collected, organized, and written about, I found that humans are resilient, creative, and compassionate.

We take from each others’ hearts and courage, and it’s through our individual experiences that we learn how to rise above our challenges and pain. In so many ways, Quote Ambition is a platform that allows people from all over the world to gain the inspiration they need anytime, anywhere!

You can find me on MuckRack and LinkedIn.