30 Charlie Kelly Quotes on Knowledge, Kindness, and More

These 30 Charlie Kelly quotes will undoubtedly make you want to watch It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia!

Charlie Kelly is one of the members of The Gang from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. He is a person with a general lack of intelligence. Due to this, the other members of The Gang that are knowledgeable constantly mocked him.

Additionally, Charlie was always given the most awful and nastiest tasks. Yet, through it all, he never holds grudges toward his companions or friends. He keeps on doing his duties and never tries to get back on them.

This only proves that Charlie may be naive but generally kind-hearted.

Keep reading if you’re interested in knowing more about his life and personality!

And don’t forget to check out these It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia quotes and Frank Reynolds quotes.

Best Charlie Kelly Quotes

1. “I’m gonna rise up, gonna kick a little ass. Gonna kick some ass in the USA. Gonna climb a mountain, gonna sew a flag, gonna fly on an eagle. I’m gonna kick some butt, gonna drive a big truck. I’m gonna rule this world. I’m gonna kick some ass. I’m gonna rise up, gonna kick a little ass. Rock, flag, and eagle!”

2. “Look at that door, dude. See that door right there? The one marked ‘pirate?’ Do you think a pirate lives in there?”

3. “If animals have taught me anything, It’s that you can easily die and very quickly under a bus and on the side of the road.”

4. “Just get a job? Why don’t I strap on my job helmet and squeeze down into a job cannon and fire off into Jobland, where jobs grow on jobbies!”

5. “What is this word, ‘spa?’ I feel like you’re starting to say a word and you’re not finishing it. Are you trying to say ‘spaghetti?’ Are you taking me for a spaghetti day.”

6. Charlie Kelly: “You wanna talk about stress? You wanna talk about stress? Okay! I’ve stumbled onto a major company conspiracy, Mac—how ’bout that for stress?”

Mac McDonald: “What the hell are you talking about?”

Charlie Kelly: “This company is being bled like a stuck pig, Mac, and I’ve got a paper trail to prove it. Check this out. Take a look at this.”

Mac McDonald: “Jesus Christ, Charlie!”

Charlie Kelly: “That right there is the mail. Now let’s talk about the mail. Can we talk about the mail, please, Mac? I’ve been dying to talk about the mail with you all day, okay? ‘Pepe Silvia,’ this name keeps coming up over and over again. Every day Pepe’s mail is getting sent back to me. Pepe Silvia! Pepe Silvia! I look in the mail, and this whole box is Pepe Silvia! So I say to myself, ‘I gotta find this guy! I gotta go up to his office and put his mail in the guy’s goddamn hands! Otherwise, he’s never going to get it, and he’s going to keep coming back down here.’ So I go up to Pepe’s office and what do I find out, Mac? What do I find out? There is no Pepe Silvia. The man does not exist, okay? So I decide, ‘Oh shit, buddy, I gotta dig a little deeper.’ There’s no Pepe because we’ve already been fired.”

7. “You know what, dude, hear me out for a second okay? Now technically, that stain did appear to me. Also, I am familiar with carpentry, and I don’t know who my father is. So, am I the messiah? I don’t know; I could be. I’m not ruling it out.”

8. “I’ll get high. I’ll get sad. People can laugh at me. I hate high school, man!”

9. “You’re telling me that you believe that Christ comes back to life every Sunday in the form of a bowl of crackers and you proceed to just eat the man?”

Famous Charlie Kelly Quotes

10. “I drink it every morning, so I can fight like a crow!”

11. “I’m a full-on-rapist.”

12. “Cannibalism? Racism? Dude, that’s not for us. Those decisions are better left to the suits in Washington. We’re just here to eat some dude!”

13. “I eat stickers all the time, dude!”

14. “Is your cat making too much noise all the time?”

15. Frank Reynolds: “Anyone wants any more catfish?”

Charlie Kelly: “Yo, dude. Definitely give me another one of those. They’re delicious. And you can taste that sort of endangered tang—.”

16. “Keep singing, bitch! You’re not gonna have a face by the time I’m through with you!”

Also read: Dennis Reynolds Quotes

Charlie Kelly Quotes for Those Who Loved the Series

17. “No no no, that’s not gonna help. That’s not gonna help, and I’ll tell you why. It doesn’t unbang your mom.”

18. “Dude, it’s amazing. Look at this. Bro, you could chop a camel right in the hump and drink all of its milk right off the tip of this thing.”

19. Principal: “I’m a little confused. Are you telling me this photo of Bruce Jenner is your resume?”

Charlie Kelly: “Well, when I showed up this morning, I didn’t have a formal resume on me so I was sort of hoping the photograph of Mr. Jenner could represent the standard of excellence I’m hoping to bring to this position.”

20. Frank Reynolds: “You gotta pay the troll toll to get into this boy’s hole. You gotta pay the troll toll to get in. You want this baby boy’s hole, you gotta pay the troll toll.”

Charlie Kelly: “Stop, stop, stop. All right, not bad, good rhythm, love the enthusiasm. I feel like you’re saying ‘boy’s hole,’ and it’s clearly ‘soul.’”

21. Charlie Kelly: “All right look at this; sometimes you’ve got to crack a few eggs to make an omelet.”

Dennis Reynolds: “You’ve got to crack a couple of eggs to make an omelet?”

Charlie Kelly: “Yeah, you gotta crack an egg.”

Dennis Reynolds: “So you’re throwing down life lessons now?”

Charlie Kelly: “I’m throwing down eggs!”

22. Charlie Kelly: “Do wasps make honey?”

Dennis Reynolds: “No wasps do not make honey.”

Charlie Kelly: “Alright, well I’m gonna check it out anyway. There could be something delicious in here that wasps do make and I want that.”

23. “Of course, there’s gonna be an explosion. You think I’m not gonna explode?”

Charlie Kelly Quotes to Treasure Forever

24. Dennis Reynolds: “Okay, alright what’s your favorite hobby?”

Charlie Kelly: “Uh, magnets.”

25. “Here’s a confession. I’m in love with a man. What? I’m in love with a man, a man named God. Does that make me gay? Am I gay for God? You betcha.”

26. “I was that little boy; that little baby boy was me! I once was a boy, but now I’m a man! I fought the Nightman, lived as Dayman, now I’m here to ask for your hand, so if you are too merry ma’am will you marry me? Will you come on stage and join me in this thing called matrimony? Please say yes and do not bone me; please just marry me!”

27. “I am going to smack everyone into tiny little pieces.”

More Charlie Kelly Quotes That’ll Make You Want to Watch the Sitcom Again

28. “Oh now, the best part of it actually for me now is the fact that everybody thinks that I’ve been molested. I’m gonna go in the back office and cry, and cry, and cry and drink for a while.”

29. “It’s not hilarious! It’s a stool with a nail sticking out of it.”

30. “I’ll just regress because I feel I’ve made myself perfectly redundant.”

Do You Believe That Life Is More Than Just Being Smart?

Many people will think that intelligence is what we all need to live. But, the truth is, knowledge is nothing but a pure waste if you are using it to degrade other people. Always remember that kindness is the most important element in a happy and peaceful life.

In the series, Charlie is superior and more humane than his intelligent friends. Despite his typical lack of knowledge, he can discern right from wrong.

That’s what life is; it’s not about how much knowledge you have but how well you use your intelligence. After all, brainpower can be attained through lessons from different people. On the other hand, being kind-hearted requires a lot of experience and self-reflection.

With that, we sincerely hope this collection was able to motivate you to live a balanced life with knowledge and kindness. Remember, you can always be intelligent without sacrificing your heart!