Although married couples share almost everything, including their finances, is it right to use someone’s money without their permission? This is the dilemma OP (Original Poster) is facing after he secretly used his wife’s money!
The Place They Built Their Family In
OP and his wife have been married for over 20 years, and they have lived in the same condominium for around half of those years.
He said, “We raised our kid in this place, and it has a strong sentimental value.”
Not Getting Rid of It
OP said he never planned on getting rid of their current condominium; he just planned on leasing it out until their son wants to use it someday.
However, he mentioned that he had reached the point in his career where “buying a new house sounds possible.”
Financially Capable
Also, because their son had already moved out, OP said he had been “financially freed up a bit.” But it was not the same for his wife.
He said, “My wife, unfortunately, does not have the same mindset as she is much more conservative.”
An Only Child’s Inheritance
OP mentioned that his wife had recently “coincidentally” run into a large inheritance, as his mother-in-law just passed away. His wife was also an only child, and thus, everything would go to her.
Grieving the Loss of Her Mother
Understandably, OP’s wife is grieving the loss of her mom. So, OP offered to take care of the implications of the will.
In turn, his wife gave him the legal authority to sort through his mother-in-law’s affairs.
That’s Theft!
With the legal authority given to him, OP used 40% of his wife’s inheritance to buy a new property in Colorado. He mentioned that this amounted to around $650,000!
He then put the rest into their joint investment portfolio.
His Excuse
He explained that he “had to” buy it without his wife knowing because, as per her instructions, she “did not want to deal with any financial issues while grieving.”
OP also mentioned that the property was pretty much “guaranteed” not to be on the market for very long, so waiting was not something he considered.
Dead Set on the Purchase
He added that he’d been eyeing the market for a while. So, he couldn’t walk away from the opportunity once he had found out about it.
Easing Things In
He planned to visit the property once a month with his wife to see how she felt about it. He said that “this will clearly benefit both of their lives.”
Should He Come Clean?
Even so, OP has a “sinking feeling” that he needed to tell her and that he was being “selfish.”
He wrote, “If she likes it, surprise—yay—we will move in. If not, well, I could use it as a rental property or resell it. I believe that it has already appreciated.”
Insights From Redditors
For Redditors, OP is one of the biggest a**holes they’ve ever encountered.
A top commenter said, “You’re the a**hole. You know d*** well that her not wanting to deal with decisions didn’t mean, ‘Go buy whatever you want with my money.’” Another replied, “And especially not, ‘Add it to a preexisting joint investment account, essentially making half of it yours.’ This guy is one of the biggest ‘you’re the a**hole’ I’ve ever seen!”
You Took Advantage of Her Pain
Some also pointed out that OP took advantage of the time that his wife was grieving to do what he wanted.
“You’re the a**hole. You used the fact that she was grieving as a means to achieve your own goals. If you were acting in good faith, you would have avoided making such a large decision until you could discuss it together,” noted one Redditor.
One person said, “You’re the a**hole. Don’t give us this bulls*** that you had to keep it a secret because she didn’t want to deal with it. You had to keep it a secret because you know d*** well she would have said no. I would lose my f****** mind if my husband went out and bought a house without consulting me, even if he didn’t essentially steal my money to do it.”
Why Are You Even Asking For People’s Feedback?
Redditors called OP out for trying to ask if he was wrong in this scenario when he obviously was.
One said, “You’re the a**hole. Are you seriously questioning whether what you did was acceptable? You spent your wife’s inheritance without telling her. Even though you’re married, her inheritance doesn’t automatically flow into your pocket. What you did is messed up beyond belief. She said you could ‘sort through’ things—not spend it!”
Another Redditor exclaimed, “Holy s***. You’re the a**hole. How could you possibly convince yourself that you’re anything other than the a**hole?”
Damage Beyond Repair
Some users also wanted OP’s wife to see through OP and maybe think about where their relationship should go moving forward.
“You went behind your wife’s grieving back and used her inheritance money to buy a property that you know she’d be too conservative to spring for? After she specifically said she didn’t want to deal with financial issues right now? That makes no sense, dude. I don’t know about you guys, but if my husband did that to me, it would damage our relationship beyond repair. I’m so mad right now for your wife. Rent that condominium out month to month, and you’ll have more income to start replacing her inheritance. You’ll be able to kick the tenant out if you need to for your kid. And don’t make any more major financial decisions with other people’s money,” said one Redditor.
Do you think OP’s excuses are valid? What do you think he should have done?
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This post first appeared as He Stole $650,000 From His Wife’s Inheritance and Used It to Buy a House He’d Been Eyeing, All While She Was Grieving Her Mom’s Death. Was He a Selfish Jerk? on Quote Ambition.
