If you’re wondering if you’re still on the right track, this collection of Kindergarten Cop quotes will tell you that you are!
Kindergarten Cop is about Detective John Kimble, who poses as a kindergarten teacher to apprehend a drug lord and his mother. At first, he was overwhelmed because he had no formal teaching experience.
Despite that, he adapts to this new job quickly. Using a ferret as a class mascot, his police training as a structure for his class, and his experience as a father, he captured the hearts of his students. Since then, he has begun to enjoy his undercover role.
Along the way, he becomes fond of a fellow teacher named Joyce Palmieri and falls in love with her. He then resigns after fulfilling his mission to be with her and becomes a full-time kindergarten teacher at the school.
Indeed, this movie is jam-packed with action and comedy scenes that everyone will enjoy. To get a better glimpse of these scenes, read through to the end of the list below!
And make sure to check out these Weird Science quotes and Encino Man quotes.
Best Kindergarten Cop Quotes
1. “You know, kindergarten is like the ocean. You don’t want to turn your back on it.” – Joyce Palmieri
2. “Come on! Stop whining! You kids are soft. You lack discipline. Well, I’ve got news for you. You are mine now! You belong to me! You’re not gonna have your mommies from behind you any more to wipe your little tushies! Oh no, it’s time now to turn this mush into muscles. No more complaining. No more ‘Mr. Kimble, I have to go to the bathroom.’ Nothing! There is no bathroom!” – Detective John Kimble
3. Detective John Kimble: “I have a headache.”
Lowell: “It might be a tumor.”
Detective John Kimble: “It’s not a tumor! It’s not a tumor. At all!”
4. Detective John Kimble: “Emma, take your toy back to the carpet and sit down.”
Emma: “I’m not a policeman; I’m a princess!”
Detective John Kimble: “Take your toy back to the carpet!”
Emma: “I’m not a policeman; I’m a princess.”
Detective John Kimble: “Take it back!”
5. Miss Schlowski: “Your teacher, Miss O’Hara, had to go somewhere.”
Dominic Palmieri: “Where’d she go?”
Miss Schlowski: “That doesn’t matter.”
Lowell: “Did she die?”
Miss Schlowski: “No, Lowell, she went to see someone.”
Lowell: “Did they die?”
Miss Schlowski: “No, Lowell.”
Lowell: “Everyone dies, you know.”
6. Lowlife #1: “So who are you, man? Shit!”
Detective John Kimble: “I’m the party pooper.”
7. “Hey, come here. If you don’t stop screwing around back there, this is what I’m gonna do with you.” – Detective John Kimble
8. “You’re not so tough without your car, are you?” – Detective Phoebe O’Hara
9. Miss Schlowski: “I want you to answer one more question, and don’t lie. What did it feel like to hit that son of a bitch?”
Detective John Kimble: “It felt great.”
Funny Kindergarten Cop Quotes That Are Simply Rib-Tickling
10. Joseph: “Boys have a penis, and girls have a vagina.”
Detective Phoebe O’Hara: “Well, I see you’ve covered the basics.”
11. “Our mom says our dad is a real sex machine.” – Rina and Tina
12. Detective John Kimble: “How do I look?”
Detective Phoebe O’Hara: “Take off the gun.”
Detective John Kimble: “That’s a good idea.”
Detective Phoebe O’Hara: “Little bastards are gonna eat you alive.”
Detective John Kimble: “Get some rest and don’t worry. I’ve been working undercover for a long time. They’re six-year-olds. How much trouble can they be?”
Detective Phoebe O’Hara: “On second thought, take the gun.”
13. Joshua: “Are you married, Mr. Kimble?”
Detective John Kimble: “No, I’m not.”
Joshua: “He’s not married, Mom!”
Kindergarten Cop Quotes That Show Kimble’s Relationship With the Kids
14. Detective Phoebe O’Hara: “How’d it go?”
Detective John Kimble: “Go away.”
Detective Phoebe O’Hara: “That well, huh?”
Detective John Kimble: “You take over tomorrow.”
Detective Phoebe O’Hara: “And blow our cover? Can’t do it.”
Detective John Kimble: “They’re horrible. They’re like little terrorists.”
Detective Phoebe O’Hara: “Tell me about it.”
15. “We’re going to play a wonderful game called, ‘Who is my daddy and what does he do?’” – Detective John Kimble
16. “Are these all your lunches? You mean you eat other people’s lunches? Stop it!” – Detective John Kimble
17. Detective John Kimble: “This is your new class mascot.”
Boy: “What happened to your dog?”
Detective John Kimble: “This is not a dog. This is a ferret.”
Girl: “What’s a ferret?”
Detective John Kimble: “That’s a ferret.”
More Kindergarten Cop Quotes for a Day Full of Laughter
18. “You can’t just walk in here and put a gun in my face. I’m trying to get a manicure.” – Cullen Crisp, Sr.
19. Detective Phoebe O’Hara: “Look, you’ve got to treat this like any other police situation. You walk into it showing fear, you’re dead. And those kids know you’re scared.”
Detective John Kimble: “No fear.”
Detective Phoebe O’Hara: “No fear.”
20. Detective John Kimble: “Oh, excuse me. I forgot to introduce myself. My name is John Kimble. And I love my car!”
Street Tough #3: “Yo, man, I’m just gonna keep an eye on it for you, all right?”
Street Tough #4: “You got a beautiful ride.”
Street Tough #3: “Shit. Who does he think he is? He’s lucky I didn’t kick his ass.”
What Are Your Plans in Life?
Nowadays, most people always have a game plan for every goal they want. Whatever aspect it is of our lives, we want everything to be exactly as we dreamed it should be. Sadly, life doesn’t always turn out the way we expect.
In Kindergarten Cop, it was supposed to be Phoebe O’Hara, who must act as the substitute teacher. But, because of her severe stomach flu, Detective Kimble had to take her place.
Kimble found it overwhelming at first but found a way to adapt. Ultimately, he learned to love the kids and his new profession. He even found someone to love!
This just goes to show that everything happens for a reason. We must not be disheartened whenever we are faced with defeats. Instead, let us treat them as opportunities for growth.
We hope this list was able to give you the motivation to stay strong in times of difficulty. Remember that what’s meant for us will always find its way. We might have goals and aspirations for ourselves, but His plans are always greater than ours.