20 Pineapple Express Quotes to Help You Avoid Future Regrets

These Pineapple Express quotes will show how drugs and other vices can destroy everything in your life!

Many people believe that marijuana holds the secret to happiness. But, they fail to realize that the pleasure they would get at the beginning cannot be compared to the suffering awaiting them at the end. Addiction is never a good idea, and this is a lesson we can all get from Pineapple Express.

The movie is about the journey of a marijuana enthusiast, Dale Denton, and his drug dealer, Saul. Everything starts when Dale witnesses a murder in the house of a local drug lord named Ted. Afraid that the murder will spread, Ted hunts down Dale and Saul, and the two run for their lives.

Their escape results in many hilarious scenes that’ll make you laugh out loud. So, if you want to brighten up your day and learn some lessons along the way, then reading this collection is perfect!

Check out the complete list below.

And don’t miss out these The Hangover quotes and Bridesmaids quotes.

Best Pineapple Express Quotes

1. Saul Silver: “How about in the park, when I said you were my friend? You didn’t say anything back.”

Dale Denton: “Well, that’s easy. It’s because we’re not friends. You are my drug dealer. There’s one reason we know each other; I like the drugs you sell, that’s it. And if you didn’t sell those drugs, I would have no idea who you were, and I would be fantastic right now! Instead of looking like this.”

2. Saul Silver: “Just sit back and get ready to enjoy some of the rarest weed known to mankind.”

Dale Denton: “It’s really that rare?”

Saul Silver: “It’s, like, the rarest. It’s almost a shame to smoke it. It’s like killing a unicorn with, like, a bomb.”

3. Dale Denton: “Dudes, seriously. We came here for a reason. Just ask him.”

Red: “Chill, dude, chill. I’m boiling some eggs over here.”

Dale Denton: “That’s great. Just—.”

Red: “We got a lot of time to hang out; I’m making a f*cking cake.”

Dale Denton: “No shit. Just ask him, man.”

Saul Silver: “Can I have a piece of that?”

Dale Denton: “What are you doing? Don’t ask for a piece.”

Saul Silver: “I can’t have a piece of that?”

Red: “No, you cannot have a piece. This is private. You know what today is?”

Saul Silver: “Tuesday.”

Red: “This is my cat’s birthday today.”

Dale Denton: “I don’t see a cat in here. I’m sorry. Did you let it out by accident?”

Red: “No, because he died three months ago, okay? So now who’s the funny guy?”

Dale Denton: “I’m sorry?”

Red: “Today is his birthday, and it is a tradition that on his birthday, I get up extra early and make him his favorite kind of dessert.”

Saul Silver: “Don’t worry, bro. Your cat’s going to heaven.”

Red: “Yeah, maybe. Maybe he went to heaven. He was a little f*cker. He could’ve gone to hell.”

4. Dale Denton: “Okay, even if he found that roach, how could he know where you are?”

Saul Silver: “Um, heat-seeking missiles, um, bloodhounds, foxes, barracudas.”

Dale Denton: “I’m just—I’m kinda flabbergasted when you say things like that. It’s weird.”

Saul Silver: “Thank you.”

Dale Denton: “Not a compliment.”

Saul Silver: “Let’s roll, man! I’m done with the woods! Let’s go! Come on, man, let’s get the f*ck out of here.”

Dale Denton: “Okay. Uh, let’s go—no, it’s not working, the battery’s dead.”

Saul Silver: “Wait, what do you mean, it’s dead?”

Dale Denton: “What do I mean? I mean, the battery’s dead. The battery’s dead.”

Saul Silver: “No, no. What do you mean, the battery’s dead?”

Dale Denton: “How can I explain this to you differently? The battery is dead. It ceased to live. It’s deceased now. The car needs a battery to start, Saul.”

Saul Silver: “How did this happen?”

Dale Denton: “Well, we clearly fell asleep with the battery on and—.”

Saul Silver: “Aw, man. Talk radio?”

Dale Denton: “Yes, talk radio.”

Saul Silver: “So boring, man. The car just committed suicide.”

5. Saul Silver: “Hey, look. It’s like my thumb is my cock.”

Dale Denton: “That’s not gonna get us a ride, man.”

6. “I may act tough, but I got a lot of feelings, and you hurt damn near every one of them.” – Matheson

7. Dale Denton: “What else?”

Red: “Okay, uh, he’s at war right now with the Asians. They’re, like, in a drug war, right now.”

Dale Denton: “The Asians? What? What Asians?! Indians are technically Asians!”

Saul Silver: “It’s true.”

Dale Denton: “What Asians?”

Red: “Oh, I don’t know, what, uh, Chinese? Or Korean? Or, uh, um—.”

Saul Silver: “Viet Cong?”

Red: “Yeah, little, little—just, little Asian people, like the Asians, with the guns, and the drugs, and not his friends.”

8. Saul Silver: “The car chase was pretty awesome!”

Red: “You guys got into a f*cking car chase? Are you f*cking kidding me?”

Saul Silver: “I like had my foot through the window.”

Short Pineapple Express Quotes to Keep In Mind

9. “This is, like, the apex of the vortex of joint engineering.” – Saul Silver

10. “I used to use this little gun when I was a prostitute.” – Red

11. “The monkey’s out of the bottle, man. Pandora doesn’t go back in the box.” – Saul Silver

12. “You’ve been served!” – Dale Denton

13. “F*ck the police.” – Dale Denton

Pineapple Express Quotes That’ll Give You Goosebumps

14. Dale Denton: “Is your, uh, is your lip okay, man?”

Saul Silver: “You been crying?”

Red: “Oh, my, my lip? Uh, it’s a cold sore. Never had one before, so uh, I started to cry. I think it’s like, a lot worse than it looks, though. It’s like a simple kind of—.”

Saul Silver: “So, does that mean f*cking herpes?”

Red: “Yeah, yeah, yes, it does.”

Saul Silver: “Wow! F*cking sick, man! You know how many joints we’ve shared?”

Red: “I know, I’m a disgusting person.”

Saul Silver: “Ugh, herpes is for life, bro!”

Red: “Yeah, well, I’m gonna try to definitely put some sort of medical ointment on it. I’ve been taking Vicodin. That doesn’t really take the swelling down, though.”

15. Saul Silver: “I think we should stay here.”

Dale Denton: “Why?”

Saul Silver: “Because I am in the dumpster already.”

16. Dale Denton: “I go visit her in high school, and all the guys she goes to school with are, like, strong and handsome and really, like, funny and do good impressions of Jeff Goldblum and shit like that. And, like, I just feel like a fat, dumb f*cking stinky puss turd when I’m there.”

Saul Silver: “What?”

Dale Denton: “It sucks for my ego.”

Saul Silver: “F*ck Jeff Goldblum, man!”

Pineapple Express Quotes for a Day Filled With Sarcasm

17. “Ah, well, sir, I feel like a, like a slice of butter melting on top of a big ol’ pile of flapjacks.” – Private Miller

18. Saul Silver: “I wish I had a job like that. Where I could just sit around and smoke weed all day.”

Dale Denton: “Hey, you do have that job. You do sit around and smoke weed all day.”

Saul Silver: “Hey, you’re right. Hey, thanks, man.”

19. Matheson: “You know you gonna die, right?”

Saul Silver: “Yeah.”

Matheson: “I’m gonna kill the f*ck out of you! I hope you enjoy these last 17 minutes of your life.”

20. Red: “Seriously! I know this sounds weird, but can we be best friends? Just us? For real?”

Dale Denton: “I think we should all be best friends!”

Red: “We should be! You guys are my best friends. We shared a moment.”

Saul Silver: “You guys are like both of my best friends, and you didn’t even know it, but now you know it, and we’ll all be best friends!”

Dale Denton: “You know what we should get? You know those hearts that break up, and it’s like, ‘best friends?’ We should get like, a three-way one of those, man!”

Saul Silver: “Three way! Three way!”

Red: “I don’t even know if they f*cking make those!”

Dale Denton: “We should make the first ones!”

Saul Silver: “Three way! I want the middle piece, though! It’ll be crooked on both sides.”