These top 25 Planes, Trains and Automobiles quotes will transport you back to the movie’s funniest and most epic scenes!
There’s a saying that goes, “The best relationships usually begin unexpectedly.” This is what happens in the movie Planes, Trains and Automobiles, where an unexpected but strong friendship is established.
Planes, Trains and Automobiles is a holiday movie classic. It’s the story of two men, Neal and Del, who are forced to spend a long weekend together when their respective trips go awry. Throughout their journey, many funny things and circumstances happen to them.
But, these events bring them closer together and make them good friends in the process. Check out the collection below if you want to witness Neal and Del’s hilarious adventure on the road!
Start reading here.
And don’t miss out these Dazed and Confused quotes and Norbit quotes.
Best Planes, Trains and Automobiles Quotes
1. Neal Page: “Del, what are you doing here? You said you were going home. What are you doing here?”
Del Griffith: “I uh—I don’t have a home. Marie’s been dead for eight years.”
2. “Well, Marie, once again, my dear, you were as right as rain. I am, without a doubt, the biggest pain in the butt that ever came down the pike. I meet someone whose company I really enjoy, and what do I do? I go overboard. I smother the poor soul. I cause him more trouble than he has a right to. God, I got a big mouth. When am I ever gonna wake up? I wish you were here with me right now. But I guess that’s not gonna happen. Not now, anyway.” – Del Griffith
3. “Y’know, the finest line a man will walk is between success at work and success at home. I got a motto—like your work, love your wife.” – Del Griffith
4. “You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I’m an easy target. Yeah, you’re right. I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you, but I don’t like to hurt people’s feelings. Well, you think what you want about me—I’m not changing. I like—I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me. ‘Cause I’m the real article. What you see is what you get.” – Del Griffith
5. “You can start by wiping that f*cking dumb-ass smile off your rosy f*cking cheeks. Then you can give me a f*cking automobile. A f*cking Datsun. A f*cking Toyota. A f*cking Mustang. A f*cking Buick! Four f*cking wheels and a seat!” – Neal Page
6. “You know everything is not an anecdote. You have to discriminate. You choose things that are funny or mildly amusing or interesting.” – Neal Page
7. “Six bucks and my right nut says we’re not landing in Chicago.” – Del Griffith
8. “How am I supposed to go with the flow when the rental car agency leaves me in a 100-acre parking lot with keys to a car that isn’t there, then I have to hike back 3 miles back to find out they don’t have any more cars?” – Del Griffith
9. Neal Page: “He says we’re going the wrong way.”
Del Griffith: “Oh, he’s drunk. How would he know where we’re going?”
10. Del Griffith: “Was that seat hot or what? I feel like a Big Whopper. Turn me over. I’m done on this side.”
Del Griffith: “You believe this?”
Neal Page: “It’s been a hell of a trip.”
Del Griffith: “Sure has.”
Neal Page: “But, uh, after all is said and done, you did get me home.”
Del Griffith: “Next time, let’s go first class, all right?”
Neal Page: “God, I hope there isn’t next time.”
Del Griffith: “I know what you mean! I really do. This you?”
Neal Page: “Yeah.”
Del Griffith: “It’s been great meeting you, Neal. It really has. Again, I’m sorry if I caused you any trouble.”
Neal Page: “Oh, no, you didn’t cause me any trouble. You got me home, and, uh—a little late.”
Del Griffith: “A couple of days.”
Neal Page: “But, uh—I’m a little wiser, too.”
Del Griffith: “Me, too.”
Neal Page: “Happy holidays.”
Del Griffith: “Same to you. Happy Thanksgiving, Neal. Give my love to the family, will you? Maybe I’ll get a chance to meet ’em one day.”
Neal Page: “Say hello to Marie for me. I feel like I know her.”
Del Griffith: “Yeah.”
Funny Planes, Trains and Automobiles Quotes That’ll Have You Laughing
11. “Please, have mercy. I’ve been wearing the same underwear since Tuesday.” – Neal Page
12. Del Griffith: “You play with your balls a lot.”
Neal Page: “I do not play with my balls!”
Del Griffith: “Larry Bird doesn’t do as much ball-handling in one night as you do in an hour!”
Neal Page: “Are you trying to start a fight?”
Del Griffith: “No. I’m simply stating a fact. That’s all. You fidget with your nuts a lot.”
Neal Page: “You know what’d make me happy?”
Del Griffith:” Another couple of balls and an extra set of fingers?”
13. “One good thing about it is that with all this fresh air, we’re gonna sleep like babies!” – Del Griffith
14. Neal Page: “Del, why did you kiss my ear?”
Del Griffith: “Why are you holding my hand?”
Neal Page: “Where’s your other hand?”
Del Griffith: “Between two pillows.”
Neal Page: “Those aren’t pillows!”
15. State Trooper: “What the hell are you driving here?”
Del Griffith: “We had a small fire last night, but we caught it in the nick of time.”
State Trooper: “Do you have any idea how fast you were going?”
Del Griffith: “Funny enough, I was just talking to my friend about that. Our speedometer has melted, and as a result, it’s very hard to see with any degree of accuracy exactly how fast we were going.”
Planes, Trains and Automobiles Quotes to Keep In Your Heart
16. “This is Czechoslovakian ivory.” – Del Griffith
17. Del Griffith: “You know, when I’m dead and buried, all I’m gonna have around here to prove that I was here are some shower curtain rings that didn’t fall down. Great legacy, huh?”
Neal Page: “At the very least, the absolute minimum, you’ve got a woman you love to grow old with, right? You love her, don’t you?”
Del Griffith: “Love is not a big enough word. It’s not a big enough word for how I feel about my wife.”
Neal Page: “To the wives.”
Del Griffith: “To the wives!”
18. “If I wanted a joke, I’d follow you into the John and watch you take a leak.” – Neal Page
19. Neal Page: “Well, I’ll tell you, as much trouble as I’ve had on this little journey, I’m sure one day I’m gonna look back and laugh.”
Del Griffith: “You think so?”
Neal Page: “Oh, I’m laughing already.”
Planes, Trains and Automobiles Quotes for Fans of Comedy
20. Neal Page: “Let me close this conversation by saying that you are one unique individual.”
Del Griffith: “Unique. What’s that, Latin for ‘asshole?’”
21. Neal Page: “How could you rent the thing without a credit card anyway? I mean, you could, but how could you?”
Del Griffith: “Oh, I gave this gal behind the counter a set of shower curtain rings..”
Neal Page: “You can’t rent a car with shower curtain rings, Del.”
Del Griffith: “Well, your diner’s club card wound up in my wallet, and I just—.”
Neal Page: “You stole it!”
Del Griffith: “Not exactly.”
Neal Page: “You stole it! I knew you stole it. You stole the card, and then you rented a car, and you burned it up! I knew you stole it.”
Del Griffith: “No, I didn’t! I found it in my wallet! I thought maybe you put it there.”
Neal Page: “Why would I put it there?”
Del Griffith: “Kindness.”
Neal Page: “Kindness! Kindness! You stole it! He stole it!”
Del Griffith: “No, I didn’t. I was going to send you the card back. With whatever the rental car charge was. Plus interest. But you didn’t give me your address. You just ditched me! I had no cards. I had no money. I had nothing!”
Neal Page: “Give it back!”
Del Griffith: “I can’t!”
Neal Page: “Why not?”
Del Griffith: “Because!”
Neal Page: “Because why?”
Del Griffith: “Because when we stopped to gas up. I put the card in your wallet. You’re not mad at me, are you?”
22. Del Griffith:” I know you don’t I? I’m usually very good with names, but I’ll be damned if I haven’t forgotten yours.”
Neal Page: “You stole my cab.”
Del Griffith: “I never stole anything in my life.”
Neal Page: “I hailed a cab on Park Avenue this afternoon, and before I could get in it. You stole it.”
Del Griffith: “You’re the guy who tried to get my cab. I knew I knew you! You scared the bejesus out of me. Come to think of it. It was easy to get a cab during rush hour.”
Neal Page: “Forget it.”
Del Griffith: “I can’t forget it. I am sorry. I had no idea it was your cab. Let me make it up to you. How about a nice hot dog and a beer?”
Neal Page: “No thanks.”
Del Griffith: “Just a hot dog, then.”
Neal Page: “I’m kinda picky about what I eat.”
Del Griffith: “Some coffee?”
Neal Page: “No.”
Del Griffith: “Milk?”
Neal Page: “No.”
Del Griffith: “Soda?”
Neal Page: “No.”
Del Griffith: “Tea?”
Neal Page: “No.”
Del Griffith: “Life Savers?”
Neal Page: “No.”
Del Griffith: “Slurpee?”
Neal Page: “Sir—please.”
Del Griffith: “Just let me know. I’m here. I knew I knew ya!”
More Planes, Trains and Automobiles Quotes That Are Filled With Sarcasm
23. Del Griffith: “You know, Stubville is a little further than Wichita.”
Neil Page: “How much further?”
Del Griffith: “Thirty miles. Maybe 40. No more than 45, though. Depending on which way he goes. If he goes on the back roads, it could be anywhere up to 70 miles.”
24. Del Griffith: “What?”
Neal Page: “You know godd*mn well what!”
Del Griffith: “I’m sorry, I don’t.”
Neal Page: “I had over 700 dollars in here.”
Del Griffith: “I didn’t touch your dough, Neal. I’m a lot of things, but I’m not a thief.”
Neal Page: “Well, you went into my stuff last night, right?”
Del Griffith: “I didn’t take your money! and I don’t care about the accusation.”
Neal Page: “Well, I had over 700 dollars in here, and you went into my wallet for pizza. Just maybe when you went into my stuff, you had to—.”
Del Griffith: “Count it!”
Neal Page: “Oh, like you keep it in there if you stole it.”
Del Griffith: “There are 263 dollars in there. If there’s a dollar more, then you can call me a thief. Just count it.”
Neal Page: “Empty.”
Del Griffith: “What? We were robbed!”
Neal Page: “Do you think so?”
25. Neal Page: “What’s the flight situation?”
Del Griffith: “Simple. There’s no way on earth we’re going to get out of here tonight. We’d have more luck playing pickup sticks with our butt-cheeks, then we will be getting a flight out of here before daybreak.”
Neal Page: “I guess we’ll find out soon enough.”
Del Griffith: “Yeah, but by the time the airline cancels this flight, which they will sooner or later, you’d have more of a chance to find a three-legged ballerina than you would a hotel room.”
Neal Page: “Are you saying I could be stuck in Wichita?”
Del Griffith: “I’m saying you are stuck in Wichita.”
Did These Planes, Trains and Automobiles Quotes Teach You a Lesson About Not Judging Others?
Sometimes, the people you’ve just met are the ones who are willing to listen to your rants and problems in life. This is how Neal and Del’s friendship developed. Although their first adventure together was a disaster, it still resulted in a solid and lasting companionship.
Planes, Trains and Automobiles is not just a string of funny misfortunes. It also shows that no matter how challenging your circumstances are, you can make it through as long as you have someone to lean on. After all, it’s not wrong to try to find someone who will always be there to lend a hand when we need it most.
Don’t hesitate to ask for help from someone. It’s okay to depend on others sometimes; there’s nothing wrong with it. Like Del and Neal’s unexpected friendship, we can also be fortunate enough to find people we can share our lives with.
To end this, we hope that this list of Planes, Trains and Automobiles quotes was able to give you a better understanding of the essence of friendship. Keep this collection in mind whenever you need something to brighten your day!
