30 Prison Mike Quotes From This Iconic The Office Episode

Revisit one of the most iconic episodes of The Office through this collection of Prison Mike quotes.

Of The Office’s many episodes, one of the most memorable is undoubtedly The Convict. In this episode, Michael Scott pretends to be Prison Mike to show everyone that prison will never be more fun than Dunder Mifflin.

Motivating his team took a lot of work. So, Michael Scott usually makes up different personalities to keep things exciting!

Prison Mike is one of the more iconic aliases Michael Scott came up with. Through Prison Mike, he paints a stereotypical image of prison and makes his colleagues think it’s this dreadful place with awful food and scary Dementors!

This is all part of his attempt to compare prison life with their work life. He hopes that by meeting Prison Mike, his team could be more motivated to excel at work!

Revisit The Convict episode of The Office through this collection of the best quotes from Prison Mike, Michael Scott, and others! Don’t miss out on the list below.

And make sure to read these Michael Scott quotes.

Best Prison Mike Quotes

1. Dwight Schrute: “Prison Mike, what’s the very, very worst thing about prison?”

Angela Martin: “Don’t encourage him, Dwight.”

Prison Mike: “The worst thing about prison was the—was the Dementors. They were flying all over the place, and they were scary, and then they’d come down, and they’d suck the soul out of your body, and it hurt!”

Karen Filippelli: “Dementors? Like in Harry Potter?”

Prison Mike: “No, not Harry Potter. There are no movies in prison.”

2. Michael Scott: “Well, there’s somebody I’d like you to meet—somebody else who has been to prison.”

Prison Mike: “I’m Prison Mike. Do you know why they call me Prison Mike?”

Angela Martin: “Do you really expect us to believe you’re somebody else?”

Prison Mike: “Do you really expect me to not push you up against the wall, biatch?”

3. “Close your eyes. Picture a convict. What’s he wearing? Nothing special—baseball cap on backward, baggy pants. He says something ordinary like, ‘Yo, that’s shizzle.’ Okay, now slowly open your eyes again. Who are you picturing? A Black man? Wrong. That was a White woman. Surprised? Well, shame on you.” – Michael Scott

4. “In prison, you are somebody’s bitch. Oh, and you. You, my friend, would be da belle of da ball. Don’t drop the soap! Don’t drop the soap!” – Prison Mike

5. “These people don’t realize how lucky they are. This office is the American dream. And they would rather be in the hole.” – Michael Scott

6. Michael Scott: “You show me a White man you trust, and I will show you a Black man that I trust even more. Pam, tell me a White person you trust.”

Pam Beesly: “My dad.”

Michael Scott: “Danny Glover.”

7. “Look, prison stinks, is what I’m saying. It’s not like you can go home, recharge your batteries, come back in the morning, and be with your friends having fun in the office.” – Michael Scott

8. “I hope that this scared you. And from me, Prison Mike, to you, I just wanna thank you for listening to me—letting me be a part of your life today. ‘Cause you got a good life! A good life. So, what do you think? It doesn’t sound so great, does it?” – Prison Mike

Prison Mike Quotes for Fans of The Office

9. Jim Halpert: “What did you do, Prison Mike?”

Prison Mike: “I stole, and I robbed, and I kidnapped the President’s son and held him for ransom.”

Jim Halpert: “That is quite the rap sheet, Prison Mike.”

Prison Mike: “And I never got caught, neither.”

Jim Halpert: “Well, you were in prison, but—mm-hmm.”

Pam Beesly: “Prison Mike, what was the food like in prison?”

Prison Mike: “Gruel sandwiches. Gruel omelets. Nothing but gruel. Plus, you can eat your own hair.”

10. Kevin Malone: “I wonder what he did.”

Michael Scott: “In our society, a Black man can be arrested for almost anything. He was probably at a sporting event and saw some people pushing each other, and he intervened.”

Pam Beesly: “Why would anyone go to jail for that?”

11. “I didn’t hire an ex-convict. Unless they mean Toby. Convicted rapist. I’m just kidding.” – Michael Scott

12. Kevin Malone: “Martin?”

Michael Scott: “Oh, you are such a racist.”

Kevin Malone: “Wait, why am I a racist?”

Michael Scott: “Because you think he’s Black!”

Prison Mike Quotes to Revisit This Iconic Skit

13. “I am greatly concerned about having a convict in the office. And I do not care if that convict is White, Black, Asian, German, or some kind of halfsy. I do not like criminals.” – Dwight Schrute

14. “Okay. Okay, fine. You guys think prison is so great? Alright. Well, here you go.” – Michael Scott

15. Toby Flenderson: “Michael, why is everyone locked in the conference room?”

Michael Scott: “They were very disrespectful to me and to the office, and Martin has had a bad influence. To think that I gave him the benefit of the doubt.”

16. “This is my point! You guys got it soft and cushy! This place is freaking awesome! The people are awesome! Your boss is nice! Everyone seems to get along! People are tolerant! People who have jumped to conclusions can redeem themselves!” – Prison Mike

Prison Mike Quotes That’ll Remind You of Michael Scott’s Best Lines

17. “Okay! Listen up, everybody! Um, you guys said that prison was better than this place, and I heard ya, loud and clear, so, I am instituting some changes to make this more like prison.” – Michael Scott

18. “Martin went from being a new guy from Stamford to the convict to my friend, back to a convict, then to kind of a nuisance actually, if we can be completely honest. And finally, to a quitter. And I will not miss him. And that is not because he is Black.” – Michael Scott

19. “Ah. Good, good. Good. Just a second. Everybody? May I have your attention, please? I realize that a lot of you have already heard that Martin here has had some trouble with the law, but I just want to declare publicly that I trust him completely and that anybody who doesn’t is an ignorant, dumb person.” – Michael Scott

Funny Prison Mike Quotes From The Convict Episode

20. “Yeah, it’s freaking cold out here. Anybody wants to stay out, you’ve got about 27 minutes of rec time.” – Michael Scott

21. “Kinda sounds like a prison is better than Dunder Mifflin.” – Pam Beesly

22. “Why don’t we pump some iron? Anyone wanna pump up?” – Michael Scott

23. “I would so rather be in prison.” – Kevin Malone

24. “Okay, nutcases, get out of there! Good work. Long day. Really long. Why don’t you guys head home early? Time off for good behavior! Heh. Good job. Enjoy your freedoms!” – Michael Scott

25. “Sure. Let’s protect the convicts—at the expense of the general feeling of safety in the workplace. As a 90-pound female that sits in an ill-lit, rarely visited corner of the office, naturally, I agree with that.” – Angela Martin

More Prison Mike Sayings That Came Straight From the Script

26. Jim Halpert: “Where did you learn all of this?”

Prison Mike: “Internet.”

27. Toby Flenderson: “Well, you’re gonna have to let them out, or I will, okay?”

Michael Scott: “Okay, you know what, Toby? I am teaching them a lesson, so—.”

Toby Flenderson: “You know they’re teasing you. I mean, obviously, this is a much nicer place than an actual prison. We get paid to be here. We go home afterward and have social lives. And we have parties here. They’re teasing you to be funny.”

28. “Why did the convict have to be a Black guy? It is such a stereotype. I just wish that Josh had made a more progressive choice. Like a White guy, who went to prison for polluting a Black guy’s lake.” – Michael Scott

29. “Hey, look at me, I’m a baby! I’m one of those babies from ‘Look Who’s Talking.’ What am I thinking? Look at all those staplers! What’s a stapler? I don’t even know, I’m a baby! Hey, Mom, I’m thirsty! I’m thirsty, Mama! I want some milk. And you know where milk comes from! Breasts.” – Michael Scott

30. “Alright, everybody. There has been a lot of name-calling against our office today. Corporate maligning, slurring, much of it coming from one of you, who claims that prison is better than here. And none of you can say, ‘Boo,’ because none of us have ever been to prison.” – Michael Scott

Is The Convict Your Favorite Episode From The Office?

The Office is loved because of its relatable skits on an average person’s corporate life. Through the characters’ interactions, we see things that make our usually dull days more enjoyable.

However, even if you’re working with someone like Michael Scott, it could be hard to constantly be motivated to work. It’s the same in the sitcom, where Michael’s team thought imprisonment would be much better than being stuck at their desks.

This belief was further amplified when they learned of Martin’s stories when he was in prison. So, Michael Scott wanted to prove that being in prison would be a hundred times worse than working at the office.

He paints a stereotypical picture of convict life through Prison Mike. And, though some parts of it were accurate, most were just made up and even unrealistic.

Prison Mike was Michael Scott’s way of inspiring his team at work, albeit he resorted to instilling fear and advocating a stereotypical understanding of prison and convicts. Nonetheless, there’s no contesting how much of a hit Prison Mike’s persona is!

The Convict episode is undoubtedly one you shouldn’t miss. With that, we hope we were able to help you understand Prison Mike’s purpose a bit more through this collection of quotes and conversations from the episode.

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Karen Danao

Hi, I’m Karen, a content curator and writer for Quote Ambition; I’m also a marketing and advertising professional. Beyond the keyboard and the screen, I’m someone who’s out to enjoy every bit that life has to offer!

Poetry, philosophy, history, and movies are all topics I love writing about! However, my true passion is in traveling, photography, and finding common ground to which everyone from different cultures can relate.

With the many places I’ve been to, I found that love, inspiration, and happiness are some things that bring people together. No matter how different we are on the outside, I’m a true believer that our emotions don’t lie; if you dig deep into our psyche, we’re all the same inside.

This belief was further amplified when I joined Quote Ambition. Through the quotes I’ve read, collected, organized, and written about, I found that humans are resilient, creative, and compassionate.

We take from each others’ hearts and courage, and it’s through our individual experiences that we learn how to rise above our challenges and pain. In so many ways, Quote Ambition is a platform that allows people from all over the world to gain the inspiration they need anytime, anywhere!

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