OP (Original Poster) and her husband have always wanted to have kids but have encountered many infertility issues. Now that a single mom moved in next door, she fears she’ll lose her husband!
13 Years of Marriage
OP and her husband are almost 40 and have been married for 13 years. Sadly, a few years into their marriage, they realized that they could not have kids of their own.
Shifting Their Focus
It was hard, but they decided to move forward together.
She wrote, “It was a tough realization, but we both decided to dedicate ourselves to our jobs and spoil the nieces and nephews and young cousins we have.”
Single Mom Neighbor
Then, a few months before OP posted this story, a young woman named Kaylee, who was 26, moved into the house next door.
She has two twin sons and was recently widowed.
As a single mom, she was completely overwhelmed with her responsibilities. So, since she was a “lovely” girl who didn’t have family in the area, OP and her husband offered to help her with anything she needed.
OP shared, “She’ll come to us for help with little things—she’ll ask my husband to fix something or ask for an ingredient for a meal, along those lines.”
Getting All Excited
Now, OP wants to clarify that her husband is “always respectful,” and she believes he’d never cheat. However, she also sees how differently he acts toward Kaylee and her boys.
She wrote, “I see how he reacts whenever Kaylee calls or rings the bell. His eyes light up, and he gets excited. He loves her twin boys; they play and roughhouse with him all the time.”
Their Own Routine
Another thing OP shared was that their driveway runs along Kaylee’s side of the yard. He used to come home from work and see them, and then they’d take a few minutes to play before he came in.
It soon became a routine of sorts. OP wrote, “Now they’re out there every afternoon waiting for him. My husband has admitted seeing them run up to him after work brightens up a good whole day.”
I’m Losing Him
OP reiterated that her husband would never cheat or betray her. Even so, she can see him slowly “losing” himself in the fantasy; in turn, she feels like she’s losing him, too.
She could see the unanswered questions and unfulfilled dreams in her husband’s eyes.
OP wrote, “I see him losing himself in this fantasy of, ‘What if this was my family? What if these were my kids?’ I know he wouldn’t cheat, but I have this fear he’s going to realize what we have isn’t enough, and he’s going to leave me for the ready-made family next door.”
In her post, OP mentioned that she didn’t want to discuss her feelings with her husband and sound “accusatory.” However, the day before this story was posted, she saw her husband and Kaylee talking outside their house, and she just wanted to cry.
She shared, “They looked like a happy family. They were on her deck talking and laughing. He was holding one twin boy while the other was climbing on her. I feel like I’m losing my husband. There’s nothing I can do to stop it. I don’t know what to do.”
In an edit, she clarified that she and Kaylee were friends, too. They also hang out, but it doesn’t change the fact that she’s hurt by what she’s seeing.
OP wrote, “Just because I am also friends with her, doesn’t mean that it is not hurtful to see how happy and excited my husband gets to see her and her family.”
OP also mentioned that while she’s looking for advice on the thread on how to communicate with her husband without sounding accusatory, it doesn’t mean she was “not willing to have a conversation with him.”
It’s just that, sometimes, she doesn’t know the right way to say things.
We’ve Been Through That
She then shared that they’ve already tried everything—fertility treatments, IVF, adoption, and fostering. They’ve “exhausted every resource” to have a family, and she’s not willing to go into years and years of shots, treatments, injections, and more.
OP and her husband had also spent close to $100,000 trying to start a family. She added, “The heartbreak that came with every unsuccessful treatment, every miscarriage, is unable to be put into words.”
What About Adoption?
The couple also tried to adopt, but it fell through at the last minute. What made things worse was that they already had a room set up.
She wrote, “We were so excited, and it ended in heartbreak. We also fostered, and it ended in a similarly heartbreaking fashion.”
I’ll Talk to Him
OP ended her post by saying that the thread gave her a lot of perspective on what to say to her husband. So, she decided to talk with him as soon as possible.
She shared, “I am autistic, so it is not always easy to know exactly what to say in the situation so it does not come out wrong. I am very thankful that I got some outsider perspective here; it really made me understand the core problems of what was bothering me and what I don’t need to focus on.”
The Community’s Thoughts
Users advised OP to be open and talk to her husband about what’s making her feel insecure. She needed to fight for her marriage!
A commenter wrote, “You have to talk to him about this insecurity. Even if that’s a possibility, he can choose you by not entertaining those thoughts. If he lacks emotional intelligence, these feelings could sneak up on him, so you would do him a favor by drawing his attention to it. Now, you should have this conversation in a calm, non-accusatory, but vulnerable manner so that he is drawn to you rather than pushed away. Fight for your marriage. But do it calmly with love.”
Another person wrote, “OP, you sound like you love him deeply and want what’s best for him. I can only assume—and hope—he does the same for you. With this conversation, you can both discuss it and try to talk about your feelings and what actions could or should take place right now.”
We Feel You
Many Redditors also put themselves in OP’s shoes and commended her for being so mature and kind, given the circumstances.
“OP, I’m very sorry you are in this space right now. I can’t imagine how hard it is for you. I really want to applaud you for being kind and mature; a lot of people would just start hating on the neighbor. You see the whole picture here. I understand what it’s like to go through infertility. Other people just suggest adoption or IVF; these are easy-to-say things and tough real-life decisions. I urge you to speak with him before fear and maybe resentment grows. I would phrase this from the insecurity of your infertility journey and explain it almost just like you did here. One, you struggle with this. Two, your neighbor is newly widowed, and while you praise him for being a helping hand to her, it does make you feel concerned. If he is wonderful and thoughtful, and you come at this from a non-accusatory stance, he will understand. Maybe this situation would be better for you and your family if you moved, set distance, etc. It’s not about letting another person down, but sometimes you need to protect your heart and bubble. Please keep us posted, OP. I am wishing you the absolute best.”
What’s the first thing you thought of when you read OP’s story? Do you have any advice?
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This post first appeared as A Woman Who Can’t Have Kids Fears She’s “Losing” Her Husband to Their Single Mom Neighbor. She’s Heartbroken That He Might Leave Her for the “Ready-Made Family” Next Door! on Quote Ambition.